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told friend I'm pregnant and she hasn't responded

9 replies

overagain · 21/09/2018 12:41

Earlier this year my friend had a TFMR. She didn't tell me ntil afterwards, her choice obviously. She's also got a long term health condition which has prevented her from trying again yet due to a flare up. She's desperate to have another child.

I am pregnant. It was unplanned (contraception failure) and I was petty vocal about being one and done.

I messaged her yesterday and told her I was pregnant. I acknowledged that it would be upsetting for her and didn't tell her it was unplanned (she'll work that out though). I'm due to see her this weekend (we don't see each other very often due to work, family and distance etc but message frequently) and I also said that I understood if she didn't feel up to seeing me yet.

She hasn't responded but has definitely read the message. I wanted to tell her before I saw her (I'm 20 weeks and getting a bump) as I didn't think it'd be nice for her to find out that way. I haven't told her how far along I am (though it's only in the last 3 or so weeks we've started telling people, including close family, so she isn't late finding out).

I don't know what to do. i obviously don't want to pester her but I don't now if I'm meeting her. I can't just turn up and see because of where we are meeting.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 21/09/2018 12:45

Give her space. Leave it until this evening (or the evening before) and text something that says that you are looking forward to seeing her but you understand if she's not ready, either way could she let you know.

MrsZB · 21/09/2018 12:48

It sounds like it has been a shock for her. I guess if you were very vocal about being done then she has been taken by surprise.

It might be too soon for her to meet you tomorrow. It sounds like she has a lot to grieve.

SerenDippitty · 21/09/2018 12:55

Give her time. And well done for handling it so sensitively.

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Haireverywhere · 21/09/2018 12:57

Congratulations OP.

Lovely of you to be sensitive. Give her time and I wouldn't message again until you need to know if she's up to meeting.

overagain · 21/09/2018 13:08

MrsZB I was taken by surprise too. Was on the pill 9 years, came off to have DS, went back on it 2 weeks postpartum, and for 3 years it has worked well. Then bam. Pregnancy. Considered terminating to be honest, was very upset about being pregnant and has been quit a shock to get my head around.

Obviously my friend saw me as 'safe' and has been getting her head around what has been going on for her. She's been generally having a bit of a shit time and I'm sad I've added to it. I didn't want to hurt her.

OP posts:
shakeyourcaboose · 21/09/2018 13:17

I hate to ask this but does she know you didn't have an abortion? I absolutely feel for you, and her of course. Yes it is absolutely caring of you to be concerned, but other than step back and let her come to you there's little l can see you can do.

shakeyourcaboose · 21/09/2018 13:17

Sorry l hope that makes sense

overagain · 21/09/2018 13:19

No. I've literally just told her I'm pregnant. Nothing else, not how far I am or how I feel about it.

OP posts:
butlerswharf · 21/09/2018 13:28

Let her process it and wait for her to respond.

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