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Original poster

Help - dd and earring problem

29 replies

Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 12:19

Dd is 11, she has recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism.

For about the past year she had wanted to have her ears pierced but was scared. She finally summoned up the courage in the Easter holidays and we took her to a proper piercing studio to have them done with a needle.

All was fine initially, she cleaned them twice a day etc. Since then she's had periods of soreness but not too bad.

In the summer holidays she wanted to change the earrings. I bought her some pretty flower studs made of non allergenic niobium (sp?). It was a whole trial to change them, just me touching them made her scream. In the end she allowed older sister (17) do it, she was incredibly patient and it took nearly an hour.

Now having started at secondary school, they are much stricter with taking earrings out for PE. The first two lessons, dd asked a friend to help her take them out and put them back in afterwards. Ok for the short term but she really has to manage them herself.

On Monday this week she had to sit out of a trampolining club (that I had paid for) because she couldn't take them out and she wasn't allowed on the trampoline with them in.

Dd is desperately worried, she has tried to take them out herself with me standing there giving her moral support. It's just really painful for her, she has a very low pain threshold. I have told her that once she gets over the hurdle of taking them out, it will get a lot easier.

I'm wondering now with all this stress if she should just take them out and leave them out and let the holes grow together to save all the aggro. But it seems a shame to do that after after all this time and I know dd would be disappointed.

I know this probably sounds like a very trivial problem but WWYD?

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 19/09/2018 12:25

If it hurts for her to take them out then it would seem there is some infection or lack of healing. It shouldn't hurt at all once it's healed.

She should clean them regularly again, especially if there is any redness or heat in her lobes.

I agree that she needs to persevere with trying to take them out herself, or she needs to decide that earrings aren't for her right now.

BlankTimes · 19/09/2018 12:31

Can you get her some that are easier to take out than studs? Would she be happier practising with this type?

Some have a 'flip-down' back so you don't have to pull the fastener off the post when you remove them. I've googled and think the system is called Andralock, pic here
www.argos.co.uk/product/2126535

BlankTimes · 19/09/2018 12:33

As she has HFA, it's likely that the pain is a sensory issue, so to her it will hurt many times more than anyone else.

Haworthia · 19/09/2018 12:35

I would just take them out, personally.

delilahbucket · 19/09/2018 12:37

I would take them out and leave them out. It really isn't worth the stress for either of you.

MrsScrubbingbrush · 19/09/2018 12:39

My DDs just don't wear their earrings on days that they have PE. Too much faffing about & more likely to lose them.

Could she take them out the night before so she has time to do it?

Chocolatedragon · 19/09/2018 12:40

My daughter wears Labrets. They have a flat, disc back. They go in from back to front. The easiest way to describe them is like a drawing pin that goes in from the back then the front is screwed on. They are a lot less likely to get caught in anything and don't stick out at the back. They are a bit fiddley to get on and off but the school and her gymnastics are happy if she tapes them up. I just have a roll of tape in her school bag. Would that work? Also I was told that they take months to heal properly.

TigerintheTank · 19/09/2018 13:00

They are a bit fiddley to get on and off but the school and her gymnastics are happy if she tapes them up. I just have a roll of tape in her school bag.

I'd be careful about gymnastics even with tape. It doesn't take much for the tape to come a bit lose with sweat etc. at the edges and then you have a problem.

I've seen an ear lobe ripped through in a gym class from an earring getting caught and it's a nasty injury.

ThanksItHasPockets · 19/09/2018 13:03

If they were done at Easter then they should really be fully healed - or at least enough that they won’t close up after a day. It’s probably best if she doesn’t wear anything in her ears on PE / trampolining days.

If this isn’t an option then you can get clear plastic retainers which are safe for sports and virtually invisible.

lucy101101 · 19/09/2018 13:07

I would just be leaving them out on PE days as other PPs have suggested.

Alabasterangel6 · 19/09/2018 13:08

Maybe an andralok earring type which means no fiddly backs, just a flip.

If they were needle pierced take her back to the piercer to check they feel they are healed. I had some needle piercing 23/6 and one is healed and one is still sore for me. I haven’t changed mine yet (labrets higher up the ear)

SassitudeandSparkle · 19/09/2018 13:10

It can be tricky to get earrings out, people tend to pull at the front of the earring (the post bit that goes through your ear) when really you just need to pull the back off the post. Have you tried changing the backs of the earrings? Practice pulling the back off a pair when they are out of her ears.

Hope you can find something that works for her soon.

CherryPavlova · 19/09/2018 13:13

Mine weren’t allowed earrings until they were older. I’d just tell her to take them out and leave them out.

NewName54321 · 19/09/2018 13:21

Could she try desensitising her ears by applying pressure (squeezing with fingers) to the lobes around the earrings before trying to take them out? Similar to how you might massage a child with sensory need's head before brushing their hair?

Other than that, take them out the night before or concentrate on taking them out then take them out before the lesson and don't put them back in again until she is at home.

AnneOfCleavage · 19/09/2018 13:23

Had same issue with DD although no HFA just the fact it seemed to hurt when she tugged at them to take out. We found some earrings that had push on backs not click on backs so that she just slides them off. It's been well over a year but we still clean her ears weekly and soak earrings in salt water just to be safe. We have had several moments of frustration before then when she felt like giving up and letting them close over but I persevered by encouraging her to try these new backs as I knew she would be gutted to not wear them as all her friends do.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 15:45

As she has HFA, it's likely that the pain is a sensory issue, so to her it will hurt many times more than anyone else

Yes exactly that. And she's also got herself into a state, I really don't think it will hurt her as much as she thinks but she's got up this barrier now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 15:45

If she leaves them out, how long will it take for the holes to close up?

OP posts:
GallicosCats · 19/09/2018 17:14

This is why I think that ear piercing for under-16s should not happen anywhere but a properly registered practice with a nurse on call and compulsory follow-up checks. I reckon GPs and practice nurses should always be consulted.

My DD (no issues) had her ears pierced at 9 and I think it was too young as she had problems getting earrings with long enough posts and had some inflammation as a result. The rough and tumble of school at that age is also a problem while the ears are healing. That's without the complications of ASD related sensory issues.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 17:41

gallicos I do sort of agree although a lot of dd's friends had theirs done at 9 or so with no problems. I did wonder about dd having hers done and as I said, she waited a good while and I encouraged her to wait. She was so keen to have them done when she did, I let her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 17:43

I have spent a large part of this afternoon trying to coax dd into letting me help take them out. But even when my fingers touch her ears she flinches and panics.

She's now trying to do them herself.

What I don't understand is - at school on two occasions she was ok letting a friend take them in and out for her.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 19/09/2018 17:44

If she leaves them out, how long will it take for the holes to close up?
My dd's were gun pierced age 8 and I struggled to get them back in after an hour's out of school sport for a long time, months and months afterwards. Another mum had the same problem so we ended up just covering the studs with sticking plasters.

However, you said it was a needle piercing, so there should be an actual hole that wouldn't close so quickly.

Could she be persuaded to use a retainer? Surely if she used a straight-through stud type with no back on they wouldn't catch on anything while she was doing the sport, and if they did, I think they'd slide straight out.
This sort of thing www.bodyjewelleryshop.com/online_store/bioplast-push-fit-labret-and-ear-retainer-flesh-tone9.cfm

sashh · 19/09/2018 17:52

I've not done this myslef but I worked with a girl who used nose studs in her ear, so there is no back just a .

I also vote for a plastic retainer - school won't notice.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 21/09/2018 13:38

We've had success!

After an enormous amount of patience on my part (!), dd finally let me take them out a few days ago. We left them out for a few hours and they went back in again quite easily.

Today dd has PE and she decided it was easier for me to take them out before school so that's what we've done. Thank goodness she's now saying it's getting easier Smile

She didn't want to take them to school so I only hope after 8 hours they'll go back in ok.

OP posts:
leafgrass · 21/09/2018 13:48

If they are fully healed they shouldn't close up. If they bleed or weep they might. However if they do I would suggest not trying to get them redone. She"d be better off with magnetic earrings if Pearce's earrings cause her so much bother.

SassitudeandSparkle · 21/09/2018 15:31

Might be a little tricky but it does get easier. I remember leaving mine out for a whole day for school and finding it difficult. Good idea to take them out for a few hours first though, that will really help.

Hope it goes well getting them back in tonight!

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