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I really need some advice

4 replies

Mama1630 · 18/09/2018 23:38

my baby is 8 months old, me and my partner planned the baby and they are both my world. my partner really struggled becoming a dad and admitted he didn’t enjoy the newborn days which I could tell as he started gmaberling and neglecting myself and baby, I felt I was doing it alone. 8 months on and baby is in his own room! obviously he’s not sleeping all the way through so my partner moved back into our room but only the first night he didn’t bother getting up after I had and then woke up saying he couldn’t hack it with no sleep and went in the spare room. I honestly don’t mind getting up with the baby he is my everything and I’d do anything for him, the thing I don’t like is the total lack of consideration my partner shows me and this isn’t the family we had planned. I’ve just tried to speak to him this evening by saying “let’s not argue I just want you to be less stressed are you better in the spare room” and he admitted he preferred the spare room as he wasn’t interrupted. I was fine and just said ok if that’s best in a nice way. He then went on one saying I probably think he has the life of Riley and he’ll just sleep in the bedroom with me if he has too. And I just cried because it’s broken me that I can’t even be nice and understanding with him and he throws it in my face completely. I’m deep down sad he doesn’t want to share the room with me either. I think he might feel a bit guilty about it so he starts an argument when I’m just talking nicely. He just walks off when I cry, I look after the baby everyday he’s off at the weekend but recently we’ve kept out of his way and done our own thing because it’s like he doesn’t want to know sometimes. And other times he’s really good with him playing ect. he said he doesn’t want another baby too. I’ve always wanted more than one - I’m sorry this is a mess but I don’t know what I should do? How I can make it better or should I go it alone because at the moment apart from financially I feel like a single parent and I’m ok with that but deep down it’s not what I wanted. I don’t want my baby to think I ruined things between me and his dad because I’m really trying I just feel so alone. It’s like he can’t even comfort me or care when he upsets me. Please someone give me some advice even if you think I’m doing something wrong please tell me. Thank you guys xxx

OP posts:
RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 19/09/2018 00:10

Is it possible that he has postnatal depression? It may surprise you to know that men can experience it as well. It is a massive life change and ig sounds like he is not coping with it. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Ask him to be truthful in how he feels about life, the baby and the relationship, and if there's anything that can be done to help his mood

Mamabear9110 · 19/09/2018 00:15

Hi thank you for your reply I really appreciate it.
I do think he has had postnatal depression especially at the beginning is it possible to have it when baby is 8 months old? I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be there sometimes especially at night. It could be that he just doesn’t love me.

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 19/09/2018 13:30

Mama bear, postnatal depression can occur anytime within first year but can last years without treatment. I think you need to sit down and have an honest chat with him. No phrases that imply blame, just ask him how he feels, does he feel depressed, is there something that will help, ask him if you can go to GP together

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RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 19/09/2018 13:33

www.babycentre.co.uk/a1046187/postnatal-depression-in-dads

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