How not to be the Wicked Witch when getting kids out of house in the morning

[walkingtheplank]

DD has just started secondary school and I'm finding getting her out of the door quite stressful - not in terms of organisation as I think the organisation is in place, my children are just being slow and TBH rude.

By way of illustration:

DD needs to leave the house at 7.40 on the dot to walk to her bus stop. Buses are so infrequent/unreliable that if she doesn't get this bus, she probably wouldn't be in school in time. Bag all packed last night, she just has to get up, washed, dressed, eat breakfast and leave the house.

She woke up at 6.45. At 7.24 she hasn't come downstairs yet for breakfast and I calmly call up that she needs to be out of the house in 16 minutes. She finally gets to the table to eat her breakfast as s-l-o-w-l-y as possible at 7.32. I remind her (nicely) that she has to be out of the house in 8 minutes. This isn't me bullying, she can take the best part of half an hour to eat a slice of toast. DS, aged 10, shouts at me to leave her alone. To be honest, this hurts as I really wasn't being horrible.

DH "helps" by telling her not to worry as he can drive her to bus stop - and they finally leave, with a cursory 'goodbye' to me.

At 7.51 DD calls me. Despite being at the bus stop, the bus has not stopped for her. I need to pick her up and take her to school. There's a queue of traffic but when I finally get to the bus stop, she just stands and stares at me so I have to tell her to get in. She apologised for not flagging down the bus.

DH offers to take DS to school in the opposite direction. DS doesn't bother even acknowledging me on his departure, which is a shame as had he stood in front of me to say goodbye, I could have told him that he should be in a themed costume today, rather than his school uniform. He'd told me last night that the costume was out and ready and I'm sure he'll be unhappy about it when I collect him from school later.

DH isn't always around so having him rescue the situation isn't something we can rely on. We can't be any more organised as everything was out/packed/ready to go the night before. To be honest I'm quite upset by the lack of gratitude.

So,

1. How do you get your children to get a shift on
2. How do you get your children to not be so ungrateful

Any thoughts welcomed but I don't feel that I can leave them to it and allow them to be late.

Agree with others that she needs to be responsible for herself

I'd personally check (maybe at 7am?) that she is up and then leave it at that. If she wants to eat her breakfast slowly that's up to her.
Your later post that she could actually walk to school - she literally does not need any adult input. (oh and make sure DH is on side)

Don't nag her, don't write timetables for her. Ask her to come up with strategies for leaving on time. If she sees that you're not going to chase after her in the morning, she'll have to rise to the occasion.

One of my DD's is super organised and quick (once up-she can sketines be hard to wake up initially but fine once she gets going). The other is slow, get distracted, ignores or lies about following instructions to get stuff ready the night before. It's winds me to the nth degree, particularly as we live rurally and all travel together-so if she is running late, we are all running late.
Stuff that has helped:
Removing phone and only giving it back once we're in the car.

Literally standing over her of an evening to ensure she has got her stuff ready.

Sitting her down and doing a process map, with times and then working out a routine she has to follow to get her out in time.

Realising there is no point in shouting, nagging and trying not to let it get to me. I give the odd reminder at various stages of the getting ready routine or a 5 minute 'warning' re when we are leaving, but that's it. I've made it clear I'm leaving at 7.30 and that's when they must be in the car. If one morning they've failed to eat the breakfast I've put out for them or failed to clean their teeth then so be it-it's on them (within reason I wouldn't let it be every morning obvs), I go and sit in the car at that time because if nothing else it prevents me losing it totally!

The only time I'm even vaguely happy that the girls are at their dads is on school mornings (which happen once a week) because at least I only have myself to get ready and out. It feels like a holiday at times when they have been especially trying earlier in the week! (I still miss them hugely even then though :( ).