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Original poster

Living with a 14mth old without losing my mind.

22 replies

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 08:08

Because he is PISSED off.
If he's not having a tantrum then he's on the cusp of one.
It's been building to this for a few months and I have no idea what to do with him and how to deal.

I can't;
Put him in the buggy without a meltdown.
Change his nappy without him stashing a horses head in my bed.
Offer him food without it being swiped angrily from my hand
Look at him sideways

He is obviously fine with other people, fine at his two afternoons at nursery, a sweetheart in company.
His dad is away for weeks at a time, we have no family nearby, it's just me making a mess of this by myself.
Any words of wisdom, tips for dealing with this would be life changing.

Thank you.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 18/09/2018 08:15

Oh gosh. Mine is a bit younger so I'm hardly an expert but we have similar with the buggy, nappy and food. I don't love it but with things like that I'm very much "Sorry, but this needs to happen" and wrangle. And (assuming DD is fed) not giving in to food whinging. It's really tough around this age, sympathies.

kaytee87 · 18/09/2018 08:19

Is he getting enough sleep? 11-12 hours at night 2-3 hours over 2 naps during the day?
Has he started walking yet? Could he be bored? Is he getting plenty of activities even if it's free activities like bounce and rhyme / park etc.

Could just be a grumpy toddler, they tend to get very frustrated as toddlers as they're desperately trying to walk & talk.

Original poster

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 08:24

Plenty of sleep (if you ignore the 5am wake ups). I try and do something with him every day, playgroups, etc.
I'd like to let him loose at the park more but trying to get him back in the buggy again after 😐
On the cusp of walking but not quite there yet, probably a source of frustration for him.

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kaytee87 · 18/09/2018 08:30

He probably is frustrated at not walking. Mine started bang on 14 months. He probably will soon.
I usually bribe my toddler to get back in his buggy if I need him to but he's 2 now so understands more. Distraction with a favourite toy? Keep it hidden in your pocket until you need him in the pram.

NameChange30 · 18/09/2018 08:31

DS was a nightmare in the weeks leading up to walking. He was so frustrated. But as soon as he started walking he was much happier. Hang on in there! And help/encourage him to walk as much as you can.

Original poster

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 08:52

Pleasepleaseplease PLEASE let this just be the run up to walking.

It would be just my luck to have given birth to a complete rotter. Teach me a lesson for all those terrible teenage years.

OP posts:

DwayneDibbly · 18/09/2018 08:54

I'm sure I read somewhere that tantrums at home/with you mean that you've created a secure environment for him in which he can express all his stress. The world must be so daunting and confusing, maybe he's just venting with you because he knows he's safe? Might be worth using that as your new mantra!

My DC is still wee, but I find going into another room and screaming into a pillow sometimes helps.

TeddyIsaHe · 18/09/2018 08:57

Ooh yeah dd was FOUL until she started walking (finally at 18 months). I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind, she spent the whole day furious at everything and nothing I did helped.

Within a week of walking I had my happy smiley girl back and everything is lovely again. I now remember why I love being her mum, rather than counting down milliseconds to when I could put her to bed!

Original poster

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 08:58

Oh Teddy, I'm hanging on to that thought

OP posts:

serenmoon · 18/09/2018 09:03

I have the same except I have twins so imagine what you go through but x2! I really hope it is just a phase.

BitchQueen90 · 18/09/2018 09:07

I found this age the most challenging. My DS was awful.

Things were better once he started walking but then of course he NEVER wanted to go in the buggy.

Just hang in there. My DS is 5 now and I definitely prefer these years to the toddler years!

Silversun83 · 18/09/2018 09:15

Sorry to say that DD was like this around the same age, and still is at 2.3 The battles are still there but the subject matter has changed.. can usually persuade her to have her nappy changed now but she battles everything else instead.. the wrong cup can cause the most immense meltdown.. We had a screaming fit at 4.30 this morning because she wanted to go downstairs.. Sorry no advice but I think it's normal in them exploring their boundaries.. No idea when it ends.. am hoping 3 but some people say that's even worse!! A lot of people concur though that 4 is when they become reasonable-ish..

Original poster

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 09:23

I was starting to see a glimmer of hope until that last post...

OP posts:

Jagblue · 18/09/2018 09:34

I have a nearly 13 year old. My best parenting tool is humour. I'm a bit childish at nearly 50. I used to pretend to get in the buggy or do silly things. All for my own personal amusement and we've always had a very good time.
Little children get frustrated too so a good laugh does everyone good.
I'm still in your situation my DH works away and I don't have any family near by.
I did make friends as soon as I was able.
Our son still golden and we laugh a lot but now he makes me laugh because he has a wicked sense of humor.
I'm not a strict parent but I do expect for things to get done. I parent by negotiating from an early age. So far so good.
Just make sure you aren't over tired too. Go to bed early so you can face the early starts. Get some friends with babies ASAP.

Jagblue · 18/09/2018 09:46

Something else that worked for us was I'll give him a buffet style lunch.
Tiny amounts of different food raisins, fruit, cheese anything that I could think. I'll put it in his high chair so he could choose what he wanted to eat. Some ended in the floor but he ate most of it.
What you have is a battle of wills and the baby it's going to win every time they are much better at it.
Don't think that you are going to lose or you are going to turn him into a dictator.

SilverbytheSea · 18/09/2018 09:51

No advice, but just letting you know that you’re not alone. 17 month old goes through phases of tantrums over pushchairs and car seats. But right now it’s nappy changes...every bloody time 😩

RedBlu · 18/09/2018 09:58

DD is 16 months, she has been walking since she was 13 months and her temper is actual worse now than it was pre-walking!

She is constantly seeing just how much she can get away with. She will literally stare at us whilst doing something she knows she shouldn't do, it's like she wants the reaction! When we tell her no, she laughs! If we go towards her, she runs away laughing and returns to doing it within minutes....

She has now started to throw herself on the floor during her tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. She also now goes "floppy" if we try and move her away from something.

At her high chair if she doesn't want something, it will be angrily chucked on the floor and we get growled at and don't get me started on wiping her hands and face!

Nappy changes are either fine or like I am trying to murder her.... screaming, crying, flipping over. She now runs away when she seems me getting out a fresh nappy or wipes.

peonysandhotcrossbuns · 18/09/2018 10:16

Mine was exactly the same from 14-18 months to the point where I thought it was just her character to be unbearable cranky but now she has more mastery over speech, fine motor and movement she's a happy soul who entertains herself as I get on with things. Hang in there it passes.

Original poster

TheWeatherGirl1 · 18/09/2018 10:26

Just knowing that it's not just me doung battle has helped tremendously.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 18/09/2018 10:31

OP you sound exactly like I was last year, honestly I hated being a mother from at least a year and ended up on antidepressants. I had no support network and my partner worked long hours, and my son was a total nightmare. My best advice I can give you is to be a little selfish. If you need to spend more money to put him in extra childcare for an extra few hours a day or an extra day so you can have a day off, do it! Then in that time, do what YOU want not just the chores. You are more than just a Mum and you need to be selfish to be the happiest and most relaxed you can be to deal with the shit sides of parenting. I put my boy in childcare for an extra few hours before and after work, then I go for a run/swimming/watch whatever I want on telly/read/simply enjoy the peace.

thegreatbeyond · 18/09/2018 10:55

Just before walking was the most awful time with my youngest.

DrWhy · 18/09/2018 11:31

I think I’d actually blanked out the period where DS was like this, for us it was mercifully brief! We used a mix of making it fun, offering choices where possibly and just getting it done when we had to, it is much harder when it’s just you though. I had DS on my own for a few days on holiday recently and although he’s now generally a delight by the end of the day I was still absolutely out of energy to be playful and fun!
It has got a lot better since he has been able to understand ‘if you do X, I will do Y’ ‘if you sit in your buggy, I will get you an apple’ etc. Now he’s walking and talking at 2 the frustration is much less and he can often be negotiated with. This breaks down when he’s tired and loses all his words and can’t be reasoned with!

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