As title. Thought this would be a good placer for some advice - apologies in advance if I come across as lazy. I genuinely am not, just a bit sad with the situation.
I’m 16 and received good GCSE results after just leaving Y11. My high school journey was good until the last year, where it became very stressful and very unsupportive. My mental health took a subsequent tumble and so I thought finding an FE college for a fresh chapter would do me good rather than staying at the sixth form which isn’t exactly renowned for cracking results or guidance. For a while, I considered a medical degree, if nothing else but to prove to myself I’m capable of the challenge.
Trouble is, I started two weeks ago and I HATE it so far. It’s a modern college and there are some people from my old school that go, but it’s 7 miles away (15 mins in car or 2 hours on buses because of remote location). Already I’m struggling to cram in helping round the house, seeing family, making tea, working part time, studying extra, exercising and simply sitting down for even a slither of time. Sometimes my days are twelve hours long and this is extended if I’m working the evening. I cried every single day last week.
Thought there would be more independence but it’s pretty much just like school, only further away and unfamiliar. It’s still ‘put your hand up to go to the toilet’ and ‘you must do your homework’ which, after a summer of independence and feeling like a valuable human being, seems only mildly demeaning. It isn’t that I dislike rules, as I’ve been volunteering and working extremely hard this summer outside of educational establishments.
It’s right next door to a shopping centre and so find myself wandering round in my free periods as all my friends are in lesson. Struggle to strike up conversations with anyone else because I’m introverted and there are literally 2000 other students. Feel too old in my head to be there amongst all the squealing and smoking and makeup etc. Granted it’s not all like that, and I’m trying not to be cynical, but that’s all I’ve taken so far from it. I actually feel homesick in the day, which is crazy, as I’m returning home each night,
Especially not liking my science subjects: Chemistry and Biology. I am restless and want to be up and on my feet, not sitting on a stool and considering such abstract concepts. My brain actually hurts for most of the day :( trying to swap these subjects to more essay-based ones in the hope that it’ll change my outlook on college. Granted it’ll stop the whole Medicine thing in its tracks but I would drown under the competition anyway and strain of exams for the next 10 years. Plus, I want to have routine and my own little family without a career getting in the way.
I am in a huge predicament. People close to me, like my parents, are making it quite clear that if I leave college it would be a massive waste of potential and would set me up for a difficult life further down the line. I feel like everything is a headache at the moment and really at a loose end. Can’t figure out whether it’s the subjects themselves or studying full stop. I fear the latter, as the thought of buying pretty stationery this year wasn’t even enough to excite me.
I LOVE my part time job, love helping people, loved my voluntary placement at a centre for children with additional needs and love generally just being a free spirit. I don’t want my life to be ruled by exams and revision, however I don’t want to be shortsighted and end up regretting not “knuckling down”.
Words of advice/reassurance/support would be gratefully received! X