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Original poster

Would I be a terrible person if I called the police about a 10 year old?

37 replies

CatFangsAndFanta · 17/09/2018 19:13

DS (10) was assaulted at school by a pupil in his year group and left with a head injury and concussion, and missed a week of school. Obviously it’s been emotionally tough for him as well as he’s scared of seeing this other boy at school.
The boy who assaulted him has form for this - has stamped on another child’s ribs, has given another child concussion etc.
The school have been really helpful with how they’re keeping DS safe and reassuring him after the incident.
Would I be a monster if I also involved the police? The injury could have been much worse (although it was bad enough in the first place obviously), the other boy is 10, and clearly has issues. Would it be helpful for the school if I also involved the police? Helpful for the child? It would make me a feel a lot bloody better about my son’s safety but this other child, although his behaviour is awful, may be really struggling with something too.
What would you do, mumsnet hivemind?

OP posts:
Princess9891 · 17/09/2018 19:15

I wouldn't hesitate to involve police..teach him a lesson.

Original poster
CatFangsAndFanta · 17/09/2018 19:16

Oh, and I meant to say - if you’ve ever had to call the polic about an incident that happened at school, how did they deal with it? Was it helpful? Thanks Flowers

OP posts:
BifsWif · 17/09/2018 19:17

I would absolutely call the police. Without a doubt.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 17/09/2018 19:17

Your poor son. And you. What a horrible experience. I hope he is on the mend.

With regards calling the police. I don't know what I'd do in your position. But my instinct is that there may be something fairly major going on in a ten year olds life that makes them act this way. Not that it's ok. It absolutely isn't. I think I'd want to know whether there was some intervention either from camhs or social services rather than police.

Alb1 · 17/09/2018 19:18

I'd involve them too, it might make him realise how serious his behaviour is if he doesn't already, and might help him get some support if he does need any. It also shows your son that it's absolutely not ok for someone else to hurt him like that regardless of his age.

NCPuffin · 17/09/2018 19:19

What steps have school taken to deal with this child? Do you feel you can discuss this with them?

Different situation, but when I lived in halls my housemate was assaulted by another student, and to this day I am disgusted the university didn't get the police involved... I tend to think that if it's a first and there are no other concerns the person would probably get off lightly, and if it's not the first time then something clearly needs to be done... It could also help the kid stay out of trouble/ get the help he needs.

FissionChips · 17/09/2018 19:21

Phoning the police might actually help him get the help he clearly needs.

WhatIsThisTomfoolery · 17/09/2018 19:21

Was he excluded?

BlueEyedBengal · 17/09/2018 19:22

Yes I would call the police.?. This was a pretty serious head injury and it could have been so much worse. A good telling off and a caution at least would stop this boys violence hopefully and perhaps find out why he behaves this way.

Poppiesway1 · 17/09/2018 19:22

Involve the police! I had to last year when my 11yr old ds was being picked on and physically bullied both in and outsider of school. They school itself was useless.
The police went into the school and spoke to the children. It eased off for the rest of that term and then started again.
I’ve now removed my son from that school due to their inability to resolve the issue!

Dinnaehinksae · 17/09/2018 19:25

I have had to call the police twice on behalf of my ds. Once as he's been assaulted outside of school and once because the school asked. Both times the police came out and were honestly so helpful. They spoke to the kid involved, spoke to the parents also for the one outside school and for the one in school they gave me the choice, that time I figured the police going to the school to speak to them was probably enough so opted for them not to involve the parents. (Nothing near as serious as what you are dealing with.) I definitely think me getting them involved had an impact and would encourage it wholeheartedly.

Mossend · 17/09/2018 19:28

As it happened in school would they not be phoning the police.
My DD had an incident at school and the HT had reported the boy to the police before I'd even arrived at school to collect her.
I think it was the straw that broke the camels back for the HT and was a last resort to try and get the boy some outside help.
The police were brilliant with my DD by the way

firsttimebabybirther · 17/09/2018 19:31

First of all , I hope your DS is ok , how horrible to experience that a school.

Secondly , I would definitely involve the police. Teach the little thing we shouldn't call a 10 year old troublemaker a lesson and it sends a message to your DS. It lets him know that there is things in place to protect him if things like this happen and that there is punishment.

Some food for thought : if this happened in your workplace, a colleague punched you and cause the injuries your DS is now suffering , would you be satisfied with your boss telling the colleague off and assuring you it is safe to return to work? Or would you involve the police , after all it is illegal to assault another person.

Sorry you and your DS are going through this OP , best wishes Thanks

Bunbunbunny · 17/09/2018 19:31

Your ds was off for a week, that is a serious assault! If he was an adult would you have any doubt in calling the police? I would've called them

habibihabibi · 17/09/2018 19:42

Absolutely. There is only so much a school can do and already most have way more social, behavioural and emotional work to do than they ever should. As a teacher I'd be applauding you for doing so.
Your poor DS. Flowers

NotANotMan · 17/09/2018 19:44

If you report to the police they will probably have a strategy discussion with social services and they will share information so it's probably the best thing you could do for this kid. He's not likely to get arrested but he may get some specialist referral or something

MistressDeeCee · 17/09/2018 19:58

I absolutely would involve the police. If this bully had been dealt with properly when he started his antics, he'd likely never have reached the stage of seriously injuring your son.

IME schools are too slack regarding dealing with bullying robustly. Now your son has been injured and is scared. As pp's have said - IF bully does need some sort of help then he'll get it.

I say IF because my cousin was the bully at our school. He had no issues. Just enjoyed being a little shit who was very careful to pick on kids that were much smaller than him, seemed sensitive, or had a stammer etc.

I hope your son feels better soon

Original poster
CatFangsAndFanta · 17/09/2018 20:05

Thank you all! I’m so torn, as I don’t know if it would make things worse for this child or better. I know I probably shouldn’t care about that after what he’s done, but he’s still only a child. But I have been thinking, like NotaNotMan that it might actually takes some pressure off the school and be helpful for this other child as well.
DS overheard me talking to DH about it and says he’d be fine with talking to the police if he had to.
To further compound things, he also pretty nastily racially abused DS last term. Told DS he was a “fucking (insert race) cunt and you don’t deserve to be in this country”. Nice.

OP posts:
Pepper123123 · 17/09/2018 20:06

If another adult did that to us the police would be called. It shouldn't be any different for child on child assault.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/09/2018 20:08

I'd say YWBU not to involve them as pp said teach him a lesson. I mean what's next
beating up pensioners.

Mrskeats · 17/09/2018 20:10

Your responsibility is to your son and that, to me, overrides concern for the other child, who, frankly, sounds violently out of control. Giving another child concussion!!!! Something needs to be done before this escalates even further.

Original poster
CatFangsAndFanta · 17/09/2018 20:13

Mistress That’s a point - I’ve assumed he has something going on that he needs help with, but equally he could just be a bully. DS is that bad combination of small (so looks easy to pick on) but so interesting to pick on), although ds has learnt to walk away from anyone threatening him or acting badly now.

I don’t think the school are planning to exclude him unfortunately, although they have out strategies in place to keep the other kids safe. It’s obviously not foolproof as this boy never should have been close enough to ds to assault him. The school are looking into that and being open about their procedures, and giving ds lots of support.

Mossend It’s great that your school called the police that quickly. Takes the burden of making the decision off your shoulders I suppose, a sw ell as knowing the school are really proactive and protective of your dd.

OP posts:
PegLegAntoine · 17/09/2018 20:14

That is terrifying behaviour from a child of 10. He clearly needs intervention.

Absolutely call the police. I agree with those who have said if it was an adult who had been assaulted so badly, say that they had to miss work for a week, you wouldn’t hesitate to say it must be dealt with. Bullying is often talked about as a fact of life but we shouldn’t accept violence and aggression to children that we wouldn’t accept as adults.
Your poor DS he must be so scared and upset 💐

Original poster
CatFangsAndFanta · 17/09/2018 20:16

A bit disappeared - he’s small, so easy to pick on,but quite fiery when picked on, which makes him interesting to pick on from the bully’s point of view.

OP posts:
PegLegAntoine · 17/09/2018 20:18

I wouldn’t call the school supportive if they are still not excluding him. IMHO. I really hope they do.