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Original poster

If one partner brings money into the marriage, is it fair that they then don't work?

43 replies

TheKitchenWitch · 17/09/2018 19:02

Apologies for the awkwardly phrased thread title.

But basically, if you bring a lump sum into the marriage (which is then used for both of you eg house) then is it fair to expect to not have to go out to work while the other partner does?

(that's not really sounding much more elegant but you all know what I mean I'm sure).

OP posts:

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 17/09/2018 19:57

If the lump dum has enabled you to for example buy a house outright or is enough to live in forever then it's reasonable enough.

But if the lump sum was used as a deposit only and you're struggling financially on the one wage for all outgoings then no it's not reasonable.

But if you're comfortable on the one wage and your at home looking after the children then it's reasonable even if you hadn't brought the money into the family.

MadameButterface · 17/09/2018 20:00

yes it is hard to tell really without more details

being a sahp to a baby and toddler is a different deal than being a sahp to school age dc

grinding away at a shite dead end job in a call centre just to pay the bills is a different deal to progressing through an amazing career that you always dreamed of doing, even if you physically work longer hours in the career than you do in the shite job

agree with a pp that partners need an equal amount of down time (I would add to that disposable income also), or the wheels tend to come off sooner or later

loveisland · 17/09/2018 20:15

You haven't really explained the situation totally so are we going to sit and wait for you to drip feed??

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Marriage & partnerships

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2018 20:19

If they're a SAHP they don't even need to bring money with them, do they?

Everyone in a partnership should be contributing meaningfully. I have a friend whose DH has rich parents. He's lazy and shit and works the bare minimum even though he didn't earn the money. I wouldn't live with him but she finds it fine.

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 17/09/2018 20:20

In my family the money-bringer is also the stay at home parent so it kind of works out. May be different if no kids though

0hCrepe · 17/09/2018 20:24

No it’s not ok. A couple no kids, one has the house, other one works for both while home owner does sweet FA? I was that and I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing nothing and taking half dh’s wage!
The SAHP thing is irrelevant; that’s about sharing finances regardless of home owning.

PestymcPestFace · 17/09/2018 20:24

Can you explain the situation. Is it enough money to buy house and provide an income.

You also seem to have problems comprehending, most people have not said yes.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 17/09/2018 20:37

How will they continue to pay national insurance and pay towards a pension plan ?

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 17/09/2018 22:12

It doesn’t sound I’ve any kind of partership I would want to be in, so no. Itdoesnt actually sound like a partnership.

Justabouthadituptohere · 17/09/2018 22:15

Fucking hate drip feeding

Original poster

TheKitchenWitch · 18/09/2018 13:56

Sorry everyone, other stuff got in the way.

I'm not drip feeding, I haven't said anything else!

It's more a general question as I do know a couple of people who have this situation ie one partner has brought a large lump sum of money into the marriage (one through a previous inheritance and one through some sort of never-really-explained lottery win).

But this wasn't specifically about them, more about the morals of it all, I was just thinking about how I felt about it and thought I'd see what others thought too.

OP posts:

MadameButterface · 20/09/2018 09:39

oh! well in that case I think it's probably none of your business

hth

Palmer1983 · 20/09/2018 09:52

Lol what a pointless thread

Original poster

TheKitchenWitch · 20/09/2018 11:02

Asking for opinions and thoughts on a situation which a couple of people I know are in and I myself was wondering about is pointless? Huh? Isn't that sort of the point of a discussion forum?

OP posts:

MadameButterface · 20/09/2018 14:25

why do you care what the 'morals' are behind other people's domestic arrangements though, much less what internet randoms think? if it works for them, so what?

Holidayshopping · 20/09/2018 14:29

There are too many variables you haven’t given us for there to be any point in answering really. If absolutely pushed for an answer, I guess I would have to say

‘It depends’

SD1978 · 20/09/2018 14:42

Unless that is the prior arrangment and agreed to by both parties, no. I don't believe one person had the 'right' to sit back until the other person has earned enough to match their contribution- that sounds childish to me. I'd rather protect legally the amount of contributed, whilst still contributing.

Palmer1983 · 20/09/2018 18:40

Ok pointless was a bit harsh but it's like me wondering why a couple who live across the road from me let the husband put the bins out whilst the wife never does ??
Has this person said they are unhappy with there situation ?? Maybe there happy ???
Maybe I just couldn't give a S about others personal business but maybe I'm wrong it is a forum after all

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