Space to feel sad

[MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneybox]

I'm feeling a bit odd, as if there are a lot of tears to get out but it's not appropriate to let them. There is no "point" to posting here, I don't expect an answer or an outcome, just nice to anonymously yet publicly say what's on my mind.
It's coming up to half my lifetime since my parents emigrated (when I was 20), dm died when I was in my early 30s and I'm feeling stupidly sad about it. Pils were around at the weekend and I just want to shake dh and say "do you have any idea how lucky you are to have both your parents alive and living just down the road?!".
I miss having a mum.
I know so many people have it so much worse and I'm a proper grown up and should be able to hold it together, right.

Big hugs and sympathy . I had an attack of that this year - mum died and a couple of months later we were taking the MIL out for a long weekender break.

Had a lovely trip, but I couldn't work out why I was grumpy most of the time until about a week after we came back. Envy about DP and MIL's easy relationship, while my mum is pushing up daisies and hard to chat to.

Now I'm home alone crying. Just let it out, it's a thing you really can be sad about without anyone ever thinking it's unreasonable.

(Except utter arseholes, obv, but anyone who does that is not someone you should give two shits about)

Totally get it. 6 years since I lost my DM but it hits me occasionally how unfair it is to be without her. She would be so proud of her Grandsons and they would adore her too! It's just shit!

That's so perfectly normal, of course you never forget them.

There's a thread in chat about a lady's 84 year old mother missing hers. Unfortunately it's part of life but you can live knowing how much you love them and carry them with you

Really hope you're ok OP. Let yourself cry.
I don't think there's a lime limit on grief xxx

Let yourself cry. Grief is not linear, it waxes and wanes and doesn't give a shit about how many years have gone.

My mother died over eight years ago and the sadness hits me regularly. I just want her here with me to chat and laugh with, have a cuddle and bask in the fierce love between us.

Last week, I was starting a project I knew she would be agog and thrilled for me about. Had something in my eye a lot

Thank you everyone.
I mean to respond individually but it is coming up to school run time and I need to do some damage limitation (shiny red faced crier). Ridiculous as it sounds, I've had a"treat" of ice cream, it felt like a "there there".
Hugs to all.

I hope you are feeling "better for now" after your cry Spoonblender. I get the envy, and then think I'm a horrible person.
I feel better for now, but think a very early night is in order.
I sometimes make a cuppa and "chat" to my mum like Pearl Mackie's character in Dr Who.

Intuition, me too! It's not fair they didn't get to be hands on grandmothers. Dm always wanted to be a gran.

Languid, the "carrying them with you", Dm wasn't one for "negative thinking" & I think she'd be quite put out by me at the moment. That's raised a wry smile. Although she never said it, I'm imagining her saying "you weren't brought up to me behave like that!".

Thank you sacha, I'll be fine.

Absentmindedwoman, grief is crap isn't it! All the best for your project.

I don't like dh to know I'm crying as he'll more than likely do a really brief and unhelpful awkward hug. Then I feel more alone so I don't bother.