Living at Uni Question

[Verbena37]

Hi

Dd has 2 years until uni but we are regularly discussing options etc and she has said she is adamant she doesn’t want to live in Halls or with anybody else sharing accommodation.
She finds social situations difficult and prefers to have her own space.

Has anybody’s child lived alone at uni for similar reasons and was it in a flat/house you bought etc?

Those last 3 posts are really helpful.

Let me just point out...I believe my dd is probably austistic. Her younger brother is, so i’m pretty up on what to look for. I understand the masking that girls with ASD tend to do (although my son is the ultimate masker!).

However, I’ve brushed upon it with her and she doesn’t feel she needs to have that diagnosis to move forward. She is a very bubbly, outgoing person when the circumstances are ok for her...she just finds some parts tricky.

Looking at the triad of impairments, I think social and emotional communication is possibly her trickiest difficulty but unlike my DS, she works through things and finds self help ways to get by. She said this morning “mum, I know it’s sad but I’m really looking forward to coming home from school, watching bake off and snuggling down to sleep early.” Being comfortable and cosy is what makes her happy.

I’ve just watched the Edinburgh uni video about different accommodation types and it’s so friendly. Some private rent, some in Halls, some in catered halls etc. Being vegan though, catered halls probably aren’t the best idea. The dinner lady at school yesterday suggested the cheese slice when she said she was vegan so couldn’t have chicken

Do they offer a halls option with en suite bathrooms? This makes the prospect a little less daunting.

I thought so, both my dc are autistic so my spidey senses tingled a bit when I read her symptoms. I used to work at a university so I will say that having an official diagnosis could be helpful. She could access support services if needed and she will be eligible for reasonable adjustments if needed.

Thanks Airaforce. I will see how she goes.

I agree with Airaforce. My son is autistic & he has just finished university. Because of his diagnosis, he got a lot of support from the uni. He also got some money towards his accommodation costs as he could not have coped with sharing a bathroom with strangers in his first year, so he had to pay more for en-suite accommodation. Thankfully although he did not really click with his flatmates he made some good friends and shared a house with them the following years.

That’s positive icantfindafreenickname2.
Glad your son got on okay.

I went through university with undiagnosed, but suspected, ASD; I was actually diagnosed four months after I left.
In first year, I was in catered halls with an ensuite. I didn’t make any friends in my halls, they were all doing different courses and I just never saw them.
I did make two friends on my course, before the end of the first term. They were the only real friends I had. People on her course would be a more likely bet for friends than flatmates, as she’d have something in common with them and they’d be on similar timetables.
In second year, I shared a house with one of these girls and some of her friends. I didn’t find it too bad, because I had my coursemate and I was more used to university life by then. In fourth year I was in a studio flat; I’d spent the third year abroad and didn’t manage to organise a house with anyone (my friends were in different locations to me).
ASD could be a possibility for your DD, but not necessarily; it can’t be diagnosed over the Internet by strangers!! As females tend to mask and adapt, they tend to find ways to cope with situations, and if they’ve orchestrated their environment so that they’re comfortable, then they can appear fine. Some people with ASD can be very social and outgoing, given the right circumstances.

Seeing as university is 2 years away, you’ve got time to create and implement strategies. Counselling may be a good option. Universities also have wellbeing/mental health centres, so your DD can seek them out when there if necessary.

Thanks Toffee.
Funnily enough, she has found a degree course (2 Yr plus 3rd Yr top up to degree) that she loves the look of and it has more of a College feel. I don’t think they have accommodation (can’t see anything about it on their website) so she’d have to rent privately but hopefully, if she decided she to go threre, they might help them find places with other students on the course.

My brother has anxiety so he lives at home during uni. He’s now doing his masters and the only one that offered his course was Cardiff or Cambridge so he had to move out. He opted for the uni that offered halls with an en-suite and own fridge. He also has a kettle in his room so only has to mix when he wants too. The halls also only have 4/5 in each flat so small numbers. He loves it already- says it’s a good step up. So perhaps choosing uni by halls options may help? It’s a good step out into the real world.