Is this depression?

[Wobblebeans]

I've actually started writing this several times over the past few months, but I never know where to start.
I've been feeling like this just mildly for a few years now, but lately it's gotten much worse.

Every time I have to leave the house, I get this huge knot in my stomach, like nerves but worse iyswim. It can start anything up to an hour before I actually have to go out. I can't explain the feeling, but I'll try. It's kind of like a sick feeling, I can feel my heart going, and I have to go for a wee at least 3 or 4 times in the half hour before I leave the house. I only ever go out now when I have to (school run)

Sorry this is all over the place

It's like I have no interest in anything either, and trying to do anything around the house is pointless. I don't know how to explain it, but every morning I have a list of stuff In my head to do, but then it just seems like too much, kind of like a hopeless feeling that everything's building up around me, then nothing gets done and it builds up more.

I've just done the test on the nhs website, and this was the result, I have to do something about this, don't I? where the hell do I start?

How are you doing @Wobblebeans ?

I'm getting there I think, thanks
I got given a number to call, IAPT I think but I haven't called them yet
I've typed the number into the phone several times though
I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks to see how I'm getting on and she said if things aren't much better then we would look down the route of medication
I want to call the number but I don't know what I would say when they pick up

They'll lead the conversation, this is exactly what IAPT are for - I've spoken to them myself. That first call is hard. Why don't you make a list of symptoms - anxiety, lack of motivation, struggling with daily tasks etc. Might be easier to not get too emotional if you can start by just reading that out, they'll then get the gist and follow up with questions. Once you get started you'll be ok, just be honest with them

wobblebeans sorry you're going through a hard time. Things will get better.

This sounds exactly like me! I haven’t worked up the courage to see my GP though :(

I hope things get much better for you OP

Louise I know how hard it is, it wasn't even me who made the appointment with the GP, it was DP.
I wouldn't have done it by myself, is there anyone who you could ask?
I'm determined to call this number this morning, I have the phone next to me.
Now it's just doing it

OP I've been where you are now, so have many others here I expect. What surprised me was how physically ill I felt, when depression was in residence. You are ill, that's why you are having such trouble doing anything.
You might find it helpful to work out a phrase or two, write it down and say it a few times. It could be your name, and who referred you to them. If you run out of steam after that they will understand. No-one will think badly of you for being ill, or think you are an idiot.
Please make that call. Make it the only thing on your to-do list for today.

You will not feel this bad forever. It could be weeks, months or even years but you will feel better. Just hang on to that...

I did it, I called them.
I just told them that the gp gave me the number and then I had to answer some questions to register
I have a telephone appointment at half past 9 tomorrow morning
I feel proud of myself for doing it, but I feel sick at the same time. I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon

Ahh fantastic Wobble - they'll probably lead the appt tomorrow so hopefully it'll be an easier call for you

@LouiseEH If contacting the GP is too hard for you right now you could try searching for IAPT in your local area - some of them seem to have online forms to self-refer so this might be easier for the initial contact? You don't need to go via GP, though sometimes they might offer more services to those that do. Contact someone if you can though, no one should have to live feeling like this

Even if medication is suggested it's not a bad thing. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and have been on prozac, it actually helps loads. Now I'm off meds but use some herbal remedies, exercise, fresh air and basically understanding myself a bit more, all to very good effect.

Good luck OP on these first steps

Sounds like agoraphobia to me too - and I'm agoraphobic.

Contrary to the popular conception (which you seem to think the same) it's not as simple as "fear of going out" it's fear of going to places you consider unsafe for whatever reason.

I'm currently housebound with it, but even when I'm not housebound there are places I feel more comfortable going than others and I get very anxious if I have to go to new places.

Mental illnesses rarely exist in a vacuum, common for there to be co-existing depression, general anxiety, phobias etc.

Sometimes depression is the underlying cause/trigger, so Drs will treat with anti-depressants as part of the treatment (and the thing they can do quickest too with all the cuts and difficulties accessing therapy) so don't be surprised if your dr suggests that, plus anti-depressants often help with anxiety etc too.

Struggling with personal care also very common PLEASE try not to be embarrassed about that, certainly Drs will have heard - and seen it all before. I'm really struggling with that myself at the moment and understand the shame/embarrassment but also how it can just feel like "too much" even "little things" like brushing teeth.

"but he can't keep us all going by himself. It's unfair." Without wishing to offend why not? Plenty of women do this! Certainly short to medium term no real reason why he can't pick up the slack without you needing to feel at all guilty! Trite but true, if you had a broken leg he'd have to and he'd just get on with it.

"What surprised me was how physically ill I felt" yes! I'm only 46 but feel like I'm 60-odd some days.

You are doing SO well, you sorted out making the appointment with dr even if it was dp who called, you went! That's more than many manage, you were able to explain the issue...

Could dp also call iapt for you? Even just start the conversation with them?

So sorry you're going through this but hey! You're doing better than me! That's achievement in itself! You are still by the sounds of it leaving the house most days, that's something I haven't been able to do since last November. You had a bath, you're talking to dp - these are all positives. Which can be built on - but no rush! One step at a time.

Without wishing to offend why not? Plenty of women do this! Certainly short to medium term no real reason why he can't pick up the slack without you needing to feel at all guilty! Trite but true, if you had a broken leg he'd have to and he'd just get on with it.

Honestly, I don't know. He's supported me through 3 pregnancies with awful sickness where I've had to stay in bed for days at a time, so it's not that he doesn't support me.
It's more me feeling guilty because it's not something that you can see IYSWIM.

Anyway, I've just gotten off the phone with someone, she went through a questionnaire.
She's said it sounds like generalised anxiety, with low mood and I scored quite high

She's going to forward the information over to my GP, and she's put me on a waiting list to see someone, which is anything up to 10 weeks

I have my follow up appointment with the GP next Wednesday to discuss how things are going