If you have had an affair...

[RunSweatLaughAndLatte]

How did it start? Interested to know how most affairs start out.. do they start innocently enough or are tey usually deceptive from the get go

Nobody on MN has affairs.

Some people actively seek a shag.
Some people are repeat cheats.
Some people find a friendship goes too far.
Some people actively lead 2 lives and both partners thing they are the exclusive partner.
Some people are otherwise normal people who make shitty decisions.

On MN nobody has affairs.
On MN people will claim that texting a colleague is proof that your partner is sleeping with the colleague or having an emotional affair.

I haven't had an affair but I've been asked.

A guy from the gym, saw him every morning
A guy I used to see in Costa every once in a while
My ex-boyfriends uncle took a shine to me.
Urgh and the worst, my creepy married neighbour!!!

Actually, make that two guys from the gym.. & yes they both knew full-well what they were doing.

Not me but someone I know, wasn't happy in their marriage, was talking to a long term family friend at a party about unhappy marriage, family friend confessed feelings and it went from there. Other people I know who have cheated has been with work colleagues, pretty common that one.

Not me but yes the ones I know about are work colleagues.

I guess spending all that time together can create closeness and then if you're not happy you could overstep a boundary?

In my BIL's case it was probably because he actively wanted to and never worked with his actual GFs so could hide it easily.
DSis seemed to never be able to end one relationship without starting the next one first. It was work colleagues again.
DF cheated on DM with a mutual friend. Their marriage was failing but I don't know why he thought it was ok to cheat.

I cheated on my ex.
Not proud of it. Would not do it again.

It came at the end of a 10 year relationship where I was very unhappy but hadn't realised it yet.
I was in counselling (not an excuse btw). My head had been a mess for a while so I couldn't see what was making me unhappy apart from the obvious assault I'd been through.

I suddenly had one day where I just realised I was so unhappy with him. I'd been speaking to someone else and I was asking myself why am I doing this? Then I got on to asking whether I would be bothered if it meant the end of my current relationship? I wasn't.

That was answer enough for me. As soon as I realised that, I ended it.

It was a very negative relationship. I hadn't realised that one either until much later. But it meant that I had completely emotionally detached from the man.
I was looking for a connection again. I tried with him but it had well and truly gone. Nothing could be salvaged.

I cheated on my ex (not proud of it). One fling started through Facebook, my first gf messaged me out of the blue and it went from there. The second fling started through work, at which point I ended my relationship before anything physical happened as I felt sick with guilt and knew my relationship was over.

I was in an abusive marriage. I met someone and thought if I can do this and feel no guilt my marriage is over. It started at work.

Ironically years later he had an affair and left me. So karma bit me on the arse with that one.

I once had a job interview with someone I vaguely knew, who told me that the job was a given, but would I also consider becoming his mistress? I declined as politely as I could.

A friend I'd not seen for years. I had a dream about him and contacted him the same day. It went from friendly to deceptive in about 4 hours at my instigation.

I would say alot are through work

From my limited experience and observations of friends and relations it seems to very often be colleagues where spending so much time together leads to a friendship gone too far.