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Original poster

DS off to university soon but doesn't drink alcohol - yet!!! HELP!

92 replies

rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 11:04

Just as the title says really.
DS is off to university very soon but doesn't drink alcohol. It's just never interested him.
He only ever drinks water, black currant juice ie Ribena etc, milk or milkshakes Confused

He's really conscious of the partying side of uni and although he's pretty sociable, he's worried about looking like a numpty while everyone else is getting wasted having a good time.

His friend suggested dark berry cider as it's supposedly 'like drinking Ribena' and so we bought him some yesterday to try before he gets there. Except that I forgot to tell him it was fizzy and he doesn't drink fizzy drinks either! (Trust me, he's not fussy about anything else, just what he drinks!) Although he is an odd boy as he never liked sweets either. He could eat his body weight in chocolate though Confused
It all stems from him not tolerating fruit as a toddler and I think it put him off anything 'fruity' (except black currant obviously).

So my question is, can anyone suggest anything that he might quite like to drink?

I suggested he just be himself and say he doesn't like drinking but he's worried he's going to feel left out etc.

Please help!!!

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 16/09/2018 12:20

He's certainly the type that would want to be out having fun and not shut away in his room or whatever.

So he is already going out and having fun with friends as a non drinker then?

missperegrinespeculiar · 16/09/2018 12:25

leave him be, he can make friends and have fun without drinking, why encourage this? alcohol is so damaging when abused, I'd rather a teetotal young man than a binge drinking one, there will be more just like him

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 12:29

IfIWasABird he's normally with his girlfriend - who rarely drinks - or his two best mates who both drive, so it's never really been an issue.
He was just thinking that he might get left out at uni as he won't know anyone and obviously wants to fit in.
I'm going to encourage him to be himself. He's managed without alcohol up until now. He just needs to be confident in himself and his choices.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 16/09/2018 12:29

He has a few options and may want to mix and match them, depending upon the party/event

A decoy beer bottle, hold but dont drink
A pint glass of water with a lime in it - if anyone asks its vodka and lime
A bottle of water - cant drink this week as Im on antibiotics/training for a race
Whatever he wants - the truth

Its interesting as many of the tricks i had to use when early pregnanat and trying to not give it away

villainousbroodmare · 16/09/2018 12:29

My only concern would be that he would have three drinks and find himself in a drunken vulnerable mess, having no tolerance for alcohol.

SeaToSki · 16/09/2018 12:31

Oh and suggest he avoids getting into a situation with buying rounds. Ususally a “sorry I’ll just get my own as I’m skint this week” has everyone nodding in sympathy and leaving you to buy just your own.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 16/09/2018 12:31

he's normally with his girlfriend - who rarely drinks - or his two best mates who both drive, so it's never really been an issue.

So that’s at least 3 other people his age he knows who don’t or rarely drink, what makes you/him think there won’t be others at university who don’t or rarely drink? University goers are exactly the people who he is at school with now! Some will drink and some won’t. Some will party and some won’t.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 12:32

That's my worry too villain.
I have explained to him that if he does drink then he will have little tolerance to it.
I'm definitely going to drum home to just be himself!

OP posts:
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 16/09/2018 12:32

Watching with interest as we have a Yr 13 DS who hasn't ever tried alcohol and is very 'anti'. He will be in this situation next year.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 12:35

My daughter doesn't drink much, she will have a fruity cider at pre drinks then maybe one when she's out.

Many kids are like thus unless he gets in with the wrong crowd.

However if he really wants to drink, then I'd suggest vodka and soda water and he can just sip at it and pretend.

It's very unusual he won't drink any soft drinks other than black current flavoured flat drinks. So this is a bit more than he doesn't drink alcohol, he doesn't drink most soft drinks either.

However my experience is kids are very accepting at uni, it's as people get older they become less tolerant and more judgemental.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 12:36

IfIWasABird I said earlier on that we were obviously slightly naive in thinking that Fresher's week is just a binge fest. There is a university in my town and the town centre is carnage at night during Fresher's Week!

I also said that I am reassured that so many have said their DC's haven't had an issue with not drinking at uni and people are very accepting.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 16/09/2018 12:36

fun and swill-to-spew are not actually the same thing - drunks are boring anyway. Doesn't mean anyone who enjoys the odd glass is a bore, but once it takes effect; tedium central and goodbye.

he won't be alone and he certainly doesn't need to force down a taste he hates to fit in. This isn't America and there aren't hazing ceremonies.

DurhamDurham · 16/09/2018 12:36

I went to uni and didn't drink alcohol, I was sociable and don't think many people noticed or cared. I saved a fortune drinking soda and limes on a night out Grin I'm sure your son will be fine, not everyone who goes to uni drinks loads of alcohol, that's just what the press have in believe during freshers week when they print photos of all the drunk teens, it's just a snapshot and most teens don't get into that state.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 12:39

I have explained to him that if he does drink then he will have little tolerance to it

This is a really really critical point not only will he have no tolerance, he will not know his limits. As such there is a danger point here for him, because he doesn't know how it can impact him or when he's had too much, this is how kids get hurt. Any warnings go out the head as soon as they've had a couple.

I do think it's important kids are allowed to or encouraged to experiment with alcohol safely when under parental supervision, ie a glass of wine, a vodka whatever, rather be faced with the situation it's all new to them and they are living independently.

Sorry10 · 16/09/2018 12:45

My dd went away to uni a couple of years ago was teetotal , wasn't interested in drinking didn't like the taste . Within the first few days she was drinking various alcoholic. I think my dd is still not bothered about drinking if she's ever at family party or occasion she won't drink except the occasional cider , she also not keen on fizzy drinks. When she's out with friends she will drink although she's happy with water. I wouldn't worry about him he'll find his feet it's not that unusual for someone not to drink but I bet by the end of the week he will . Just trust his judgment he sounds. Sensible lad .

Boyskeepswinging · 16/09/2018 12:46

What you need to realise is that young people's attitudes to alcohol are very different to ours. At my son's age I was off my face on vodka every weekend with my mates - he'd rather be playing with his mates on the x-box. The current generation at uni have a very different attitude to alcohol to what is was like 20 or 30 years ago. It really isn't the be all and end all that it once was. Yes, there will always be some that get off their tits at Freshers but many, many current students do not drink alcohol and that is totally fine in their peer group. No-one will think it is weird, honestly. And if they do they're too shallow to be bothered about.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 12:47

Bluntness100, yep he really does have a soft drink issue Confused

Like I said, he had a huge dislike of fruit as a toddler to the point when he used to gag and be sick. I tried everything in the book but it's just been a no-go, hence him not even liking fruit juice.
I have no idea why he doesn't like fizzy drinks but over the years, I've been more than happy for him mainly to drink water or milk and so I wasn't about to push cola or lemonade onto him.
It's never really been an issue. It's just he's thinking he'll be expected to drink at uni. Hopefully now he'll realise he won't.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 12:48

I think they either succumb to peer pressure or they don't. And it's not pressure as in others taking the piss, it's more pressure as in pressure to fit in with the group, not wish to be the different one.

I don't think thr op is doing a bad thing tryingto find something he can drink, although it is very late to do it. He clearly can't go to a nightclub and ask for Ribera or a milkshake. Water yes, but it's not really fun.

Crinkle77 · 16/09/2018 12:53

There will be loads of clubs and societies that he can join that don't involve alcohol.

BlueJava · 16/09/2018 12:53

Please don't encourage your son to drink alcohol. Firstly, it is possible to order a soft drink or water! I and several of my friends were teetotal. The bar makes money on the alcohol so they'll give you a free water if you ask them if a student bar (London bars will often charge unless the round is large). Secondly, courses these days are expensive, several of my DS's friends are concentrating on their end result and a job with a high salary not drinking like pissheads. He'll find people to fit in with whether he drinks or not.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/09/2018 12:54

That's exactly it Bluntness! He just wants to fit in.

We have quite a sensible approach to introducing alcohol to our DC's and have often asked him if he fancies a drink at Christmas etc. Always been a 'no thanks'. He didn't even want a drink on his 18th and sat in the restaurant with his water Grin

He only announced a couple of days ago that his friend had suggested the cider and that's why we've left it a bit too late to 'help' him.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 16/09/2018 12:58

I understand completely OP. My DS has just started uni & he doesn't drink either. He has no interest in drinking, doesn't like the taste & doesn't want to feel out of control. But like others have said, nowadays there are lots more young people who don't drink, it's not like it was back in our day, so he's unlikely to stand out. As you say, OP, just encourage him to be himself & confident in his choices. That's what I'm doing anyway, fingers crossed!

SoyDora · 16/09/2018 12:59

University is, in general, like any other place with lots of people. All those people will be different. Some will drink and some won’t. I certainly had friends at uni who didn’t drink, or only drank very very occasionally.

Ruffian · 16/09/2018 13:02

I'm definitely going to drum home to just be himself!

That's pretty funny

Jent13c · 16/09/2018 13:02

I was a bit the same when I went to uni, my parents never drank and I was 17..I really wasn’t interested. On the first night of freshers I was looked at as the freak who doesn’t drink but by the third night there was someone in the flat much weirder than me. No one was all that bothered about my drinking or lack of. Almost 10 years on and the only time I ever take a drink is to get rid of pre flight nerves

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