Mother son dance

[lelrx]

Hello! I feel abit upset and I don't know whether I'm just being harsh or out of order but I get married in a few weeks
My dad passed away when I was 8 and my brother and mom will be giving me away, I have chosen not to have a father daughter dance with me mom or brother as Im quite emotional that my dad can't be there so we're not having one
My fiancé's mom now wants a mother son dance to a song that has been recreated that is originally for a father and daughter
I was thinking of choosing a song just to dedicate to my dad also
I'm quite upset that she wants a mother son dance because it's not the norm and I doubt she would have if there was a father daughter one, I don't think shes intentionally doing it but I can't help but feel put out and upset

Hello Lelrx. Sorry that you're feeling sad and emotional, it's only natural.
Have you spoken to your husband to be about this? I would do so, and if he is understanding, ask him to talk to his mum. How does he feel about the mum/son dance? I'd find it a little bit embarrassing tbh. Hope you can get this sorted out.

I know it's probably sexist that this isn't a normal thing to do at a wedding and in theory it should be ok, but I always thought it was part of the giving away symbolism which generally is only the bride being given away. It does seem highly insensitive to suggest it in your circumstances. What does your fiancé think?

But its your wedding. Plan it your way, ok you can have give and take but this is not necessary. Why should there be a mum/son dance. Totally irrelevant to the day

Mother and son dance? Wtf?

Can you talk to her about it? It may be that she’s caught up in the fact her son is getting married and is just being thoughtless.

What she wants is irrelevant. What do you and your husband to be want?

I have literally never heard of a father/daughter or mother/son dance before. Sounds bizarre, tbh it's your wedding. I'd just say that you're having the traditional first dance, and if she wants to dance with her son after that she can do so as part of the general dancing.

I'd never heard of it either! Thought it was just me...

I would have died of embarrassment at the thought of dancing with my son! My daughter in law didn't have a dad either. As it was the first dance started off with the pair of them looking as though they would rather be anywhere other than on the dance floor. Unknown to us it was all an act - the beat changed and all the wedding party ran up and joined in!

Ask your husband to talk to his mum, to tell her it will emphasise the loss of your dad. I hope it was just an idea and nothing will come of it.

I think it is lovely that your mum and brother are walking up the aisle with you. I hope your day is everything you want it to be and that it is the start of a wonderful life together.

Ithink. I can’t imagine a time when my son wouldn’t be mortified by that idea. The wedding should be about the bride and groom. Not the mother of the bride and her baby boy. Weird.

I didn’t have a father daughter dance just because it’s not my cup of tea but my MIL was put out that she didn’t get a mother son dance. I had never heard of anyone doing this before! Your wedding your choice xx

I've never heard of this and think it's cringe! Yuk! Drop the whole thing.

My fiance is soooo supportive and tbh she's being a nightmare, too many opinions and wants loads, not agreeing to certain stuff, he knows what she's like and just tries to keep her happy cause she's soo intense he'd rather keep the peace she's upset me quite a lot of times. I told him it's upset me and he said just say you couldn't find the song to download but I feel like its on me I wish he'd just tell her but he fears she will go mad and she's really stubborn so worst case scenario she won't come at all 😫 I just feel it will really upset me and don't want to come across as a spoilt brat but I've been to weddings before and got really emotional at the father daughter dance as I know its something that I'll never have the chance to do

Weddings bring out the worst in some people!

Thank you all for making me feel so at ease, I thought I was just being a brat, I'm not usually but I didn't want to say too much incase it is a thing and I didn't know, it just means so much to me that I had one with my dad 😢

Could you turn it around a bit ? Maybe after you have the Bridal Waltz, you could have the DJ play both the songs ( hers and the one you pick for your Dad) , and everyone can dance to them.

He needs to stop trying to appease her and deal with this. He can’t be asking you to lie to stop her throwing a tantrum.
You need to sort this. If she’s like this about the wedding then imagine how she will be if you have kids, buy a house etc etc.
You are a couple. She gets to support you. She can give advice if asked but she absolutely doesn’t get to dictate and make herself the centre of your relationship.
Time for fiancé to man up and grow up.