MIL making me feel like a bad mum

[MamaC2018]

Ive been struggling with my MIL since I was pregnant. She was annoyed we got pregnant before my husband’s sister. She showed little interest in my pregnancy. She has two other gradchildren but doesnt see them often.
Now I have my baby she is always busy telling me how they did things in her day. Making me feel like my decsions and choices are wrong.
For example she tried to feed my baby soilds at 9wks old!
My sister in law is now pregnant and MIL is busy making sure her daughter’s baby has everything. She never bothered when I was pregnant. I understand mothers and daughters are closer as I am with my own mum. Who is a great support thankfully!
I feel sorry for my husband as he knows we pushed out. I feel once sister in law has her baby we will pushed further.
MIL always thinks shes right. I dont think if I even tried to speak to her about how we feel she would take it on board.
Any suggestions? Anyone else got similar probelms with MIL?

Well, you seem to want her to be involved, but don't like the kind of attention she gives you when she is involved!
She will probably never give you the type of input and support without criticism that you crave, so I would suggest you rejoice in her lack of interest.
Or just re-frame all of her comments as interesting styles of child care from back in the day. Everything YOU see as criticism - her telling you that what she did is different from what you are doing - is JUST the same as how SHE feels when you do things differently - like it is criticism. Try to see it as 'comparing notes' rather than 'my way is best'. If you can!
if you can't, just have her killed

Op. You have a mum who I assumes loves you all includes your dh and loves your baby.

Many of us on mn have lost our own mum and we don't have that support and have awful mils.

Forget her. Don't force what's not there. Shut her up when she's rude... And have a laugh about it with your mum.

Honestly if my dm had been alive I wouldn't have had half the issues I've had!!

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.

I like the the idea of comparing notes. I do try to count to 10, simile and nod. Its just hard when she tells me all her babies slept all night from 6wks and our baby is over 6months still up frequently. Makes me feel shit!
However I know every baby is different. Its a phase and teething! Just wish she would offer help and want to see her grandchild more than giving crappy comments lol!
Im sure she does love her grandchilden lots but feels not in control.

Yes I am so lucky to have OM who is there for us all and I would be lost without. She keeps me going!

Re “all my babies slept through from 6 weeks” chat - remember she’ll be looking back with rose tinted glasses from all those years ago so won’t be giving the whole truth I bet!!

Same with the “in my day” argument. Just gently remind her she followed current guidance when her babies were young and now you’re doing the same.

If she withdraws from you and DH because she feels she gets her own baby-raising preferences validated more by her own daughter, consider yourself lucky to get a break from her negativity! Just smile and say thank you when she offers 'advice' and then just ignore it 😉 You are NOT a bad mum. You have every right to raise your own baby your own way. I wonder if her own DD will appreciate MIL's ideas...she might very well not in which case MIL is in for a shock!

This is true, her oldest is 35! I can hardly remeber last week never mind that far back so I try to laugh!

Yes PirateWeasel I agree. I think there will be a shock as my sister in law often comes to be regarding pregnancy advice. We get on fine which is good.
Thank you all for listening to my rant!
Feel better just getting it off my chest rather than moaning to my OM or friends.

Im not usually a negative person.

I think this is very common with MILs, I don't take it personally any more. I remember mine telling me that babies don't smile with happiness, "just wind" even though at 4 weeks old I had video evidence to show my DS smiling in response my voice. I said that generally boys seemed to potty train slower than girls (speaking from experience, according to my friends) and she was like "well 'Bob' (DHs older brother) was trained at 12 months!" Firstly, I meant "on average". 2nd, my son didn't walk til 18mo so how the F could he have used a potty?! Sucks that I relied on her for childcare for ages but now DS is 3 (free childcare at nursery) he only stays with her 1.5hr a day max so I feel a bit more I'm control. The worst is her giving my DS bad food when she knows I'm picking him up and he's having dinner soon. DH never got spoilt like that so it pisses him off too! Most MILs are programmed to be patronising and judgemental, be grateful if yours isn't.

Omg Ragaroo. Your doing so well to keep calm!
I hopefully wont have to ask MIL to look after DS. I think she will be far too busy with new grandchild coming and doesnt offer so I certainly wont be asking!
Wish these MILs would give us new mums a chance