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Original poster

Can a 6yo go to shops alone?

24 replies

SeeAndMore · 15/09/2018 15:59

Yesterday I met one of my DD’s classmates, who is 6, going to the supermarket alone to buy sweets. From where he lives, this involves crossing a major road (at a zebra crossing), and walking along three other roads - I guess an 8-10 minutes walk there and the same again to get home.

Is this OK?? 6 seems far too young to me to go out alone, and my DD was also gobsmacked that her classmate was allowed to do this.

If not OK, what do I do about it? I don’t know the parents really, and I’m not sure how much English they speak. Would it be appropriate to mention it to someone at the school? DH says it’s nothing to do with the school so would be wasting their time.

Thanks very much for any advice.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 15/09/2018 16:02

Mine used to go with a Friend at that age. It was the sort of area were people knew each other and would look out for children etc.

The only people that you could mention it to would be the School. It wouldn't be a waste of time and your DH is wrong, Schools get involved with Safeguarding now.

If it's Cultural, I've found it impossible to get Parents to change their mind, unless it's actually illegal.

spacefighter · 15/09/2018 16:06

My eldest is 7 and he doesn't even go to the corner shop by himself so definitely not.

worknamechanged · 15/09/2018 16:08

It depends on so many things.

Here, it’s pretty common for children not to be out alone till secondary school - where I work it would be 6/7yr olds walking to the shop, or 11yr olds looking after toddlers.

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Agustarella · 15/09/2018 16:11

Not a good idea, too much traffic. But grassing somebody up for something that's probably not even illegal would be a worse idea. Very irresponsible, as you don't know what will happen to a family after you 'helpfully' report them for neglect.

Ohyesiam · 15/09/2018 16:13

Any safe guarding issues can be mentioned to the school

Singingtherapy · 15/09/2018 16:20

Very irresponsible, as you don't know what will happen to a family after you 'helpfully' report them for neglect.

You do, on the other hand, know exactly what could happen to a 6 year old crossing roads and wandering the streets alone. I'd absolutely report this. It's way too young.

yesornoworld · 15/09/2018 16:39

Never never at that age. Just about allowed to ride their bike up and down the road at that age with supervision. You can never be too careful. A 6 year old would not be savvy enough to make a reasonable judgement/decision. 10 is a reasonable age in my house/family. Even then accompanied by friend or sibling to the local shop within walking distance and trip being timed by me.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/09/2018 16:42

I think it's way too young, maybe ok with older siblings

WallisFrizz · 15/09/2018 16:48

Not ok and I’d mention it to the school.

Maryann1975 · 15/09/2018 16:50

Speak to the school. If there are issues with the family they will more than likely know about it. I’ve done similar in the past, a child from dds class was left in the shopping centre, sat on a bench. I saw her parent leave her there and he told her he had an appointment and wouldn’t be long. She was sat there for about 20 minutes. He didn’t know I was there, but I hung around until he came back. If anything had happened I would never have forgiven myself. I really wanted to confront him, but had all my dc with me and didn’t want a scene. School advised me to phone social services myself as it helps a case move forward the more people who phone concerns like this through, if I’d refused, they could have done it on my behalf, but held more weight from me.

I consider 6 far to young to be dealing with busy roads. No doubt her parents will say she was fine-I think she was more lucky. Lucky there were no ‘baddies’ around, lucky no cars got, lucky she didn’t fall over and need someone to help her.

Hermagsjesty · 15/09/2018 16:53

It depends on the area what’s considered normal. I wouldn’t let my kids do it - even when they’re planning on our cul de sac I keep an eye from the front porch. Other families locally do let their kids do it though.

Original poster
SeeAndMore · 15/09/2018 17:01

It’s definitely not normal here (we’re in a big city).

I don’t want to “grass someone up” - but I’d feel awful if anything happened to the child. I don’t think it’s a Social Services issue (child is always properly dressed, clean, appears well fed, well looked after....) but I do think it would be useful if someone perhaps had a word with the parents, and I really don’t know them well enough myself.

The consensus seems to be to mention it to the school so I will speak to the school office next week.

OP posts:
Agustarella · 15/09/2018 17:03

You do, on the other hand, know exactly what could happen to a 6 year old crossing roads and wandering the streets alone. I'd absolutely report this.

It's a no-win scenario as traffic is dangerous and being taken into care is dangerous. I was playing out unsupervised at half that age and I luckily didn't come to any physical harm. OK, far less traffic then (beginning of 1980s) but I do think society is excessively judgemental towards parents who let their young children out unaccompanied in public. I only know of one family locally who does this - like me, a single mother of three DCs, the youngest of which was 6 when I got to know them. They are regarded pretty much as the local problem family even though they don't cause any problems I'm aware of, beyond loitering in the streets and the park. It's as if by behaving in a way that was normal 30 years ago but is unusual now, they have put a target on their backs. I'm not defending this style of parenting, I just wonder whether it's necessarily worse than other neglectful parenting which is less public and thus less remarked upon. Forgive my lengthy meanderings!

Bimgy85 · 15/09/2018 17:04

Probably scumbags who don't care about a 6 year old crossing main roads alone!! Absolutely not. And I'm laid back!

BigBlueBubble · 15/09/2018 17:08

I wouldn’t let a 6yo out of my sight. Still small enough to be easily abducted and not able to cross busy roads. I was 10 before I was allowed to go to the corner shop with a group of kids.

Original poster
SeeAndMore · 15/09/2018 17:10

I was playing out unsupervised at a younger age too (in a village) - and did come to some harm.

I certainly don’t think the child should be taken into care!!

OP posts:
Singingtherapy · 15/09/2018 17:11

It's a no-win scenario as traffic is dangerous and being taken into care is dangerous.

No child has ever been taken into care for being allowed to cross a road, trust me I work in child protection. Most likely scenario is a visit from a social worker, advised to engage with support around safety with a possible Child in Need plan if they refuse to engage.

Agustarella · 15/09/2018 17:25

Thanks @Singingtherapy for your informed reply. My worry is not so much that a child would be taken into care for a one-off incident of bad parenting, but that once SS start sniffing around they might find more pretexts for taking the child away - a messy house or whatever. It would be much better if the law were clearer on what age children can go out unsupervised. As it is, the system of anonymous referrals and secret family courts just terrifies families without informing them what they should be doing to protect themselves from SS intervention.

@SeeAndMore I can't really fault you for following your instincts, which is all anyone can do in this situation. I certainly didn't mean to suggest that you wanted to put the child into care - just that once you make the referral, the results are unpredictable and out of your hands.

It's quite a dilemma.

Singingtherapy · 15/09/2018 17:40

agustarella at the risk of getting annoying no child's ever been taken into care for a road crossing / messy house combo either Wink. Look there are countless children in the UK who are subjected to horrific abuse and neglect every day. You obviously know what constitutes that description and you know how it's differentiated from parenting that's not quite good enough. From my experience, social workers do as well.

Agustarella · 15/09/2018 17:56

I hope you're right @Singingtherapy, and I don't doubt your credentials. I'm a single parent, not middle class, and a wariness of the authorities is kind of hardwired into me by this point. Traffic seems a negligeable risk in comparison, depending on the exact situation I suppose.

It would be good if there was a way of tipping off the parent without involving the state, but I guess there's a lot of scope for that to go wrong?

formerbabe · 15/09/2018 18:23

No way would I allow a 6 year old to go to the shops alone...I don't even allow my ten year old to do this.

I wouldn't report it though.

Juanbablo · 15/09/2018 18:56

I wouldn't allow that. I've only just let my 10 year old go to the shop and it's a 5 minute walk and no major roads in a small village.

Danceintherain2018 · 15/09/2018 18:59

I would definitely pass the info onto the school. It could be part of a bigger picture about that child's life etc.

MischaB · 15/09/2018 19:12

6 😳😳😳

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