Since the age of about 9 when I saw something that severely disturbed me every time I’m under stress or fragile I experience nightmares about the subject.
Lately they have been often and terrifying. Everytime during the nightmare there’s a part where I’m trying to work out is it a dream or real. Sometimes my subconscious realises as for example somethings different like a doorway or similar that’s not there in rl and then I am able to let it play out knowing it’s not real.
Other times I don’t know. Most of the time I believe it to be real and not a dream and as it’s so terrifying you can imagine how awful it is. I wake up physically sick sometimes.
Lately I’ve been scared to go to sleep.
Last night it was so bad and I woke up but didn’t feel awful, I’ve been depressed so think this is why Ive had these nightmares so much but this time when I woke up and realised it was not real, that I was alive, that my children were alive I actually felt for the first time in ages, happy. Happy and grateful just to be alive.
I don’t know what to do though as nights are so difficult due to it I’m just hoping now that I continue to feel better but wonder if there’s anything that could actually stop these nightmares ?