Pillow talk that really DOESN'T WORK.

[PleaseStopTalkingNow]

NC because it's a bit intimately revealing about DP, which could be a bit unfair as I'm not a namechanger elsewhere on MN.

So, we're in bed and things are happening, and he says "Something firm is happening in Firmland".

I swear horny has never quite so quickly to a fit of giggles which killed the moment. And the firmness in Firmland. I feel really bad, but he keeps saying ridiculous things that are meant to be sexy and just... aren't.

Good lord that is bad

Stiffy McStiff is docking in port?

Cringe

Ooh the poor lad!

I met a man who, when we first got intimate, said ‘When I’m down to just my socks it’s business time.’ I married him.

Yes, I don't quite know how to shut him up. I find sexy talk a great turn on, but he just comes across all Carry On movie when he does it.

Warthogs DH is clearly a FOTC fan...

Reminds me of Mike from Friends

@WhenIWasAYoungWarthog @PatriciaHolm that's why they're called business socks

Oh fuck no. I seriously could not deal with that. I think I would actually tell him not to say a fucking thing whilst fucking.

Gag him ?

Tell him to be pipe down.

Or wear ear muffs?

Tell him there is a sudden unexpected drought in wetland

That is funny. Instant turn off.

A firm favourite in pillow talk land for me is "oh yeah you like that don't you" whilst aggressively rubbing my labia through my trousers. Errrr yeah ok .

Someone once posted on here when the 'end was near' so to speak he shouted out taste my seed, so it could be worse OP

Thought that said Finland and was REALLY confused....

Honestly, if someone said taste my seed, it'd be curtains for me.