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If you are a aunt do you treat your nephews/ nieces equally?

24 replies

PintOfBitterPlease · 14/09/2018 17:28

Just wondered if you do?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2018 17:28

What prompted the question?

Myneighboursnorlax · 14/09/2018 17:30

I treat them all equally in terms of Christmas/birthday presents, however my oldest niece and I have a lot in common, so often go to gigs together, whereas I don’t go with the younger ones. So I suppose that could be seen as not treating them equally.

lljkk · 14/09/2018 17:32

No. Mine are all adults. One is homeless, one stopped having contact with me, the other one I quite like and sometimes say something to on FBk (she was always the sane one). I never bought any of them gifts as kids, so that's pretty equal, I guess.

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NannyR · 14/09/2018 17:33

I treat them equally in terms of birthday and Christmas presents. In terms of spending time with them, two are much younger and live closer; I babysit them a lot and they often stay over at mine for sleepovers. The other two are teens and don't live so close, I don't have as close a relationship with them.

CalonGlas · 14/09/2018 17:33

how do you mean 'equally'? Nephews v nieces, one sibling's family over another, different ages, what?

DramaAlpaca · 14/09/2018 17:33

Yes I do.

PintOfBitterPlease · 14/09/2018 17:36

Oops. I hadn't finished it off yet!

I have 3 siblings. 2 siblings have kids, one doesn't. The one that doesn't lives at home with my parents. She regularly asks all the other kids to sleep over, invites them over, takes them shopping / eating out etc.

She has never asked mine for a stay over. I get that she's just not that into my kids which is fine. My kids have never stayed over. However in the presence of all the kids say mine and my nieces / nephews etc it's really obvious she treats them differently. At first my kids didn't realise as they were too young. But now as they get older they ask me why can't they go out with their aunt as she's taking other cousins etc. I just have to explain that they weren't invited and we could go together.

I just feel a bit sorry for my kids and don't know if this is something to feel a bit sad about really. I understand it's up to her if she has her "favourites" as she puts it but it makes me uncomfortable that my kids are beginning to notice.

OP posts:
Chrysanthemum5 · 14/09/2018 17:41

I treated them all the same when they were/are little. However they range in age from 3 up to 34 so with the adults I treat them based on what my sibling asks me to do. So the oldest one I buy presents for because it means a lot to my sister. My other sister thinks presents should stop when the child is 21 so that's what I comply with for those nieces/nephews.

Mind you it's getting more complicated now the great nieces/nephews are arriving Grin

Up to the age of at least 21 everyone is treated the same

DiveBombingSeagull · 14/09/2018 17:44

Yes, I only have one sibling and she has two children who I treat equally, but I would regardless of how many there were.

I'm sorry that your sibling is treating yours differently, that must hurt.

ShowOfHands · 14/09/2018 17:49

I treat them all the same in practical terms. However, I have a real soft spot for my eldest niece and anticipate having a closer relationship with her in the future just due to the people we are. Children should be treated the same though.

Sitranced · 14/09/2018 17:52

No the eldest is 21 at University and the youngest is 3.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2018 17:54

I try to. But I do have a favourite-although I think I hide it well. She is the only one that isn't a blood relation of eithee dp or me!

anniehm · 14/09/2018 17:56

No, because we only have a close relationship with one of the parents (she's a half sibling but we are close, not close to other half siblings) I have none on my side anyway. I'm not proud of treating unequally but we don't even know where the others live!

Aragog · 14/09/2018 17:57

I treat all all three fairly and with the same level of love. I treat them equally, but differently - they are different ages, and different people.

In terms of Christmas, birthday, Easter egg, 'event' presents, etc - they get the same amount of money spent on them. In terms of ad hoc treats - varies on where we are, who we are with, etc. but those are smaller values anyway.

My sister's boy - my nephew - is the youngest. I only see him when his mum is around, as he lives a distance away, isn't very old. I adore him and love to see him, wish we saw him much more often.

DH's brother's girls - my nieces (and yes, they are MY nieces as well as DH''s; thats how it works in our family) - are a little older, one almost a teen. I love them equally as much, see them a similar amount generally and they're a similar distance away. But as they are older, and their parents have jobs without so many holidays, and they've less 'childcare' options we have them stay for a few days once or twice a year in the holidays, and me and teen DD help look after them. We have a week of day trips and activities - so I guess in this way they get more pet on them, but thats just circumstances, and day trips makes my life easier too ;) I'd be happy to look after my nephew an equal amount of time, but he's not yet at that stage, and besides there isn't the need either - my sister works PT and my parents (plus her MIL) like to have him for the day as well.

OP, in your situation I would be treating them all in the same way, so long as they wanted to. Or at least I hope I would, if it was possible to do so. I don't have favourites in my nieces/nephew - they are all lovely in their own ways, and I'd happily spend time with all three any time.

areyoubeingserviced · 14/09/2018 18:05

Treat all my nephew and nieces the same
I adore them all and they have brought joy to my family

gamerwidow · 14/09/2018 18:10

Yes in terms of presents for Christmas and birthdays but I am much closer to my sisters children because we live close by and I have seen them every week while they were growing up and babysat etc. I also had my Dneice living with for some time during a difficult time at her home. I only see my other DNs 3 or 4 times a year so while I love them we have less of a bond. However if they needed a place to stay or help I hope they know they can come to me.

explodingkitten · 14/09/2018 18:16

No. I tend to buy more clothes for the girl than for the boys. When I send it to her I do send the boys a present as well because I don't want them to feel left out.

I also have more days out shopping etc with my niece because she likes it. SIL also always comes too. We do buy her a treat when out so she gets more treats that way than my nephews. The boys don't like days shopping so don't come. Theboys don't know about the treats I guess.

I do like them all actually, it's just that my niece is really girly and I guess I am too in a way so we do more together. I do really enjoy talking to my nephews, they're just really homey.

PintOfBitterPlease · 14/09/2018 18:21

Ok. I guess the ages make a difference and gender. It's not so much about presents althought she does treat the other kids more often.

It's more the when they are altogether. It's like oh Pippa, would you like a hot chocolate, come on let's make it in the kitchen. And then one of my kids may say I'd like one too please. And she'll make a face and say ask your mum.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 14/09/2018 18:35

Is the other parent there? She may be used to taking responsibility for that set, without their parents, and is less comfortable with yours.
Did you have form for being a bit controlling when they were younger? If you told her off for giving them biscuits or something, that may have left her feeling defensive.

BackforGood · 14/09/2018 18:37

Need more of the story - your relationship, how strict / relaxed different parenting styles are, ages of dc, and all sorts come in to it.

I aim to treat all mine equally, but that doesn't mean 'the same'.
Sadly, I have a distant relationship with one part of the family as their Mum makes it so difficult for everyone. Her parenting style is very different, and she keeps her dc away a lot, so when we do see them, the relationship is different from those we see oftern - just as one example.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 14/09/2018 18:39

No, they range from 21 to 4 and 2 of them don't live in the UK so it would be impossible to do so.

QuestionableMouse · 14/09/2018 18:42

Mine are two and six weeks but yes, I treat them as equally as I can. Obviously the baby doesn't get things like the riding lessons the older one gets but when he's old enough he will if he's interested.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 14/09/2018 18:42

We do- we have a set budget for birthday and Xmas gifts per child. In terms of relationship, that varies- as in, I might have my sisters dc to play more often than my bil’s.

We don’t give to one of our nephews because Dh’s sister decided once her oldest dc turned 18 she wasn’t giving to any of our children, so we don’t give to her younger child. This seems mean to me, it’s not his fault his mother is like that, but it’s Dh’s sister so it’s up to him.

HandbagCrazy · 14/09/2018 18:45

Your sister is being very unfair and I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something. If she gets on better with some than others, that's fine but she shouldn't make it so obvious.

I have nephews and nieces from my sister and SIL. I have a much closer and better relationship with the ones who live closer to me, partly because I see them more (SIL lives several hours away and we see her 4/5 times a year) and partly because Dsis parents in a way that means the kids aren't allowed to just get away with things.

In terms of money, I am meticulous in spending the same amount and if I see them all at the same time (has only happened once or twice), I never show favour to any BUT it is apparent (and was commented on by SIL) because the ones I'm closest to we're excited to see me while SILs children weren't that bothered.

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