Training day and major driving phobia

[ilovecheeseontoast]

So, I'm in a bit of a shit situation. I've managed to get to a point where I'm about to be offered the job, potentially, of my dreams.

It's a home based role but will require a degree of getting out and about.

I've got my driving license but haven't driven for two years. I had really bad antenatal depression and panic attacks which ended up with me stopping driving about a year after I passed.

I feel comfortable enough that I will be able to get on with driving for the role and have put steps into place to get over this. Everything I need to do is also on public transport as well, so whilst I'm building up and doing the actual job I won't necessarily need to drive right from the off. I'm confident I can get over this in time and have signed up for some refresher classes as well.

The only problem I have is there is a training day I need to attend in order to secure the job completely and it's hundreds of miles away, in the middle of nowhere. I can't get public transport as it's a 7-hour trip each way, I've looked at train stations that I can get a taxi from and it's still unattainable. It's also a full day so I can't expect someone to drive me there, wait around all day, to drive me home. Plus there's the childcare aspect to think of.

I'm at this point now where I'm thinking wtf do I do. I can't really admit to the potential new employer that I have this driving phobia because they won't give me the job. If I didn't have to go for this training day it would all be fine. Has anybody experienced something similar? I'm just at a loss of what to do, and I've worked so hard to get this job.

Can you get some extra lessons from a driving instructor? A friend did, they took her out in her car to help with confidence.

Could you afford a taxi all the way?
Any chance of staying the night before/after?
Could you fly somewhere nearer?

Google EFT

Alternatively, speak to the employer and say that the training day in that location is extremely difficult for oyu for childcare reasons and would it be possible to do it in a different location.

It's not far enough away to fly. I have no idea how much a taxi would cost but I'd assume hundreds which I don't have. I'm trying to shoehorn in a driving lesson and we're planning to get our this weekend as well.

EFT looks interesting. I only got through my lessons and test because of beta blockers at the time and part of me isn't even sure I can still drive.

I thought about staying overnight but again, my husband has a hectic rosta and I've got two kids under 5 so childcare js a bit tricky. Argh. I'm so angry with myself about all this. I can't believe I let it get this bad

I've had to leave a job in the past because of it. They moved our office to three counties away and let everybody else work remotely (ironically those who drove) and made me come in daily. The cost in transport and the time spent was insane, and they would only let me go remote if I passed my test. Instead of getting on with it I actually just got a job closer to home instead.

It's a 7-hr trip each way. tbh I'd ask about an alternative option or if they're paying for accommodation and childcare. Regardless of driving ability they can't expect candidates to drive for 7 hrs then spend a day in training and then drive 7 hrs home.
You're focusing on your fear of driving but even as someone who is happy to drive, I can't see how those timescales are feasible.

@ilovecheeseontoast I had a similar dilemma as you, although mine was about driving overseas. I got some good suggestions in the thread, but in particular please see the website I mentioned in my follow up after the event comment (www.brianfolts.com/driver/) - it really helped.

But the long and short of it is, we both need/ed to just crack on with it, nerves or not. There is no realistic other option. You will be very proud of yourself when you have done it, I guarantee.

You can do it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_advice_tips/3275538-Driving-overseas-nervous

Woah!
Your nervousness about driving is the least of it- over 7 hours away?!
How would that work? Even the most gung-ho driver would blanche at that and having to be on good form on arrival.
The only way I would do it would be via public transport and a hotel on expenses.

This is not about your nervousness. It’s not a reasonable requirement

I think it's 7 hours by public transport. I'd guess if driving it's still a couple of hours though?

Sorry! The actual location is a 2-hour drive away, so about 100 or so miles, in the middle of the countryside.

It's actually not overly far as the crow flies, but to try and take an alternative route involves either going via London (and I wouldn't be able to get the trip sorted to get there in office time anyway).

Is your husband aware of how anxious you are about the training day driving? I think if you can arrange so your DH is covering or responsible for covering the childcare for it then mentally unburden yourself, it will remove a layer of pressure.
This job sounds like it will be a real positive for your family, so if you need a bit of extra support to get the training done then it's a small thing in the bigger picture.

For the drive itself, I'd look and see if there's a halfway-ish point you can stop for a break. You may not need it as you may feel on the day you're ok, but I'd not be pressuring yourself to do 2 hours straight.

I live rurally and I hated the idea of it before I moved, but tbh it's a lot easier than built up areas.

Ah, ok. A 2-hr drive is feasible. If your DH is supportive of you having this role, can he take a day off work and drive you there and back? It's not ideal but it means you wouldn't need to worry about it.
Or, could you ask a friend or relative to drive you? They could pop into the nearest town/village whilst you're doing your training.

Do you feel able to give some vague outline details of the location OP? If it’s 100 miles or so via London there might be some transport options you haven’t thought of. Can we help?

Once you have the job, looking at what you need to do so you do feel able to drive would be a good idea IMO - but not at a time when you are under pressure.

Honestly i would pull in any childcare favours you can and book nearby hotel and go public transport night before. You will be refreshed and unstressed for training .

I have a solution! My father-in-law is going to take leave to run me up there and back, going to hang around on the caveat I get myself booked in with some refresher lessons. He's agreed to either take the kids with us and treat them for the day, or DH is going to wangle it so he can drop off and leave early to pick up the kids and sort them.

Just waiting back for a call about refresher lessons and we're going out in the car at the weekend to practice. Yay, hopefully this should solve the problem in the meantime.

Glad you've sorted it and good luck with the job and refresher lessons.

Brilliant news. If the kids stay at home with DH, could you drive up with FIL? I found it good to have someone in the car with me (provided they're a calming influence!).

I started just driving from one service station to the next on the motorway. Honestly, was only about 20mins, but gradually we built it up. I used to feel sick and shake so much I physically couldn't drive. The more I forced myself to drive, the better it got. I used to get stuff on FreeCycle just so I had to drive around my town to pick it up! It was awful, but I now drive around all over the place in both my tiny car and our huge 7-seater. You do have to do it through the awful feelings though, it's hard to do that when you're feeling so nervous, but honestly it does get easier.