How can I help my friend?

[Skyrabbit]

One of my good friends has been diagnosed with cancer . The prognosis is good, afaik, but there is surgery soon. She is amazing, and incredibly positive.
What can I do to help and support her, practically and emotionally ? I don't want to impose, or equally, be too distant .
I'm not terribly good at saying the right things- can I get some help/ tips on hw to help, without inadvertently being 'that friend' who gets it wrong, puts their foot in it etc etc

Thanks

Be the person who keeps her cheerful. Don't worry about putting your foot in it - make it into jokes. Be there. If she gets tired, which she will on chemo, be elsewhere. Don't second-guess yourself about it, just be normal. She'll need normal.

Cook some easy to reheat meals for the freezer for after surgery?

Normal, normal is good, I can do normal, I think!
Freezer food is a great idea too, I'm not sure how big her freezer is though - I had wondered if you can get JustEat vouchers or something, for those days when you just don't want to cook at all?

If she is that good of a friend I'd be honest. Say "I know this is shit and i don't know what to do. I want to help in some way. Is there anything you need or want? Help me out, what can I do?"

IME so many people are so scared of saying the wrong thing in the face of illness they say nothing at all, which can feel like complete insensitivity/abandonment even though it's not meant that way.

So please OP say something - anything at all - even if it's "I don't know what to say". Send a little message regularly - even something as simple as a "Thinking of you" or a link to something stupid on the internet which made you think of them - something that doesn't particularly need a response if they're feeling crap but lets them know they're in your thoughts. It might be appropriate to send a pretty postcard 'just because', or arrange a time to call them and chat. Don't expect them to ask for help if you just say "let me know if there's anything I can do" - try "would it be helpful if I drove you to this appointment/nipped to the supermarket/stuck a load of washing on" and take your lead. Don't stop offering. Take an interest in their treatment and keep a mental note of important results/appointments if they want to share that info with you so you can check up and see how they're doing afterwards. Always let them know you are there to talk if they need to - about anything. Also, it may sound silly, but try not to walk on eggshells around them - if they're a baking whizz or always helped you out with your computer or whatever ask them for advice as you would before. Sometimes the erosion of identity or being able to 'help' others can be difficult to deal with throughout illness. A little care package of appropriate things - a DVD box set, some magazines to flick through, a nice soft scarf or blanket or some lovely pyjamas or a cosy jumper - might also be nice (stay away from foods/smellies/flowers/anything remotely 'taxing' like crafts or books, depending on how she is).

Just a few thoughts of what I think would help OP - you know what is best in the context of your usual friendship. You sound like a lovely friend so trust your gut and just stick with them xx

Be the person who keeps her cheerful

I don’t like that advice. Why should the lady have to be kept cheerful? She will go through some pretty horrible treatment and will have some big and upsetting feelings to work through.

Be there for her. Be normal. If she wants to have a laugh, have a laugh. If she wants to have a cry, let her.

Thank you! I like the sending a silly meme or video actually, just to keep contact going if she wants it, but no pressure!
I'm also going to do a little care box I think - got some great ideas from a post on here somewhere - a candle for the light at the end of the tunnel, and stuff like that