SAHM

[bridgetsthong]

There is no way I can be a stay at home mum Financially. I know in the land of MN you have to protect yourself and in my chosen career you can't be out for long. But I just can't see myself going back. I'm enjoying my maternity leave so much. There's baby groups I'm going to but there are only a couple - a lot are aimed at 12m+ which makes me wonder how anyone can afford to stay at home.

DH earns a decentish wage (45k) and our mortgage is £800 a month. But how can I be a SAHM? Where can we save? For reference we have a loan for £300 pm not due to be paid off anytime soon, and live in London. I earn 35k so child care would be half that.

To give up a salary of £35k I can see why you would think you can't do it as you're used to income of £80k but a salary of £45k is do-able surely. Have you really worked it out? because if you have then there is no point in this thread, and if you haven't then you should have! No point in asking where can you save when we don't know where you spend, OP!!

I have done some sums and it seems like we break even on a 45k salary. I'm relatively good at saving and we remortgaged to afford a baby (when DH salary was much less)

I guess I'm really asking where could savings be made? Does anyone live in London on 45k? We could move out of London but I'm
Not sure it's worth it with our jobs

Of course you could manage if you budget very carefully. There are always ways to save money. However, the main worry is getting back into work in the future. It's so hard after a few years out. And what happens when baby 2 comes along? It will mean longer and longer out of work. Can you do part time, home working or freelance?

Review your whole budget, spending and mindset about what is essential and what are luxuries using the Moneysaving Expert money makeover

Without knowing what your starting point is, it's impossible to say what savings you could make, but this is a systematic way for you to review it yourself.

I wouldn’t do it. Unless you have a pretty serious SAHM exit strategy for once school starts. Life is long and relying on someone financially for the rest of it is a dangerous game, and leaves you vulnerable to the other persons whims and mood.

Just seen the £300 pm loan. That's probably going to make quite a difference. Could you do some part time evening or weekend work while your DH can look after DC to boost the finances a little without incurring childcare costs? Couple of evening shifts a week could make the £300 pm.

£45k in London?
That is going to be incredibly tight
What’s your dh’s view?

What about going part time? Is that an option?

Not every one who goes to these baby groups is a SAHM parent. For example I have worked PT hours in the evenings around DH hours while our kids were little. So I've been home all day. Other people might be part time with days off in the week. I've been to soft play and play groups where it's been full of grandparents and childminders!

If you want to stay home you need to have a long hard look at your outgoings and see where you can cut back. It's not doable for a lot of people. Even going part time has been a big financial hit for us (but was the most cost effective option)

Is there no wY you can go part time
With tax allowance etc that seems a perfect option for lots of women ?

I work two days and that's perfect for me
A bit of cash coming in but I'm around for the fun stuff too. And keeping on top of the house.

Most people I know with one child have one parent working part time. Is that an option?

DH and I are both part time at the moment (4 days each) so that's how we go to baby groups during the week etc.

I

We easily do it on 45k but don't have a 300 loan and we aren't in London, though our mortgage is higher than yours.
We are family of five, one in nappies. We shop in Aldi. Rarely eat out. But otherwise we live pretty well, can buy things we need, just had to get a new TV as other broke, and it wasn't a stretch at all. We go on holiday to states every other yr (Dh is American) and we manage to afford that and have some savings.

I have to assume it's the loan and cost of living, so part time sounds do able. Maybe bring in around 500 a month would made a huge difference? So evenings or working two days a week?

Keep your hand in if possible. I would not want to be a sahm unless I had a huge degree of financial independence and security.

In this case, it might be easier in London. Their mortgage isn't that high and we're always told that there's loads of free stuff to do in London, and even food and shopping is cheap due to competition and all the independent supermarkets so that will help with live on not a huge budget.

Plus plenty of opportunities for the OP to get evening/weekend work if that's what she wants to do.

Our income is a little less than yours and we are a family of 5. Our mortgage payment is half of yours though. But we save literally every penny to overpay the mortgage.

How do we do it?
By having a budget for everything and I mean everything. Our budget is extremely tight but it is doable. We only go on UK holidays no overseas. We shop in Aldi Lidl. I plan on going back to work when youngest is at school.

Agree with Barbara. You can live pretty cheaply in London if you exclude housing costs, lots of free walkable things to do with kids, and if not needing to commute, then that’s even more saved. If you are the sort of person who can stick to a budget then I don’t see why it’s not possible.

I wouldn’t do it. It’s too hard to get back if anything goes wrong like your DH losing his job or splitting up.

We are a family of 4 on about £30k, not London but SE and with higher mortgage payments than yours. Can you not get the loan added to your mortgage so you are paying a lower rate?

In terms of cutting costs, we do lots of free stuff, there are tonnes of free events everywhere if you look for them. Transport in London is cheap, lots of competition so things like utilities should be fairly cheap. Shop around, use cashback sites. As a SAHM you don't have a lot of money but you have a lot of time. So research everything before you buy to find the best deals. Use cash back apps and get freebies. Reuse everything thats reusable and don't buy what you don't need.

If you are the kind of person who feels hard done by if other Mums are talking about their holiday in the sun and you went on a bargain deal to a caravan park, then don't do it. If you don't want to have to massively manage your kids' expectations about what they can and cant have, then don't do it. (As there will always be other kids with more/better toys!)

But I've been a SAHM for 5 years and it has worked for us. And yes, I have a small private pension, access to joint and individual savings and I have a plan to go back to work in about a year. So it isn't the case that being a SAHM = financially irresponsible or means never going back to work. I am 35 and will have to work another 30 years probably. I have lots of time after this to have several careers if I want them.

@bridgetsthong I just came across your thread by searching for answers to my own questions like this. I'm 5 months into a 9 month maternity leave and I just want to up sticks (we could potentially live mortgage free) and be a sahm.

Have you come to any more conclusions or decided on anything yet?

Hope you're having fun with your little one :)

I felt similarly whilst on maternity leave but wanted to retain my earning power and financial independence, for my own, DH’s and DCs’ benefit.

I went part time for some years. IME this was good for the family and my health (working / commuting during the sleep deprived years wasn’t fun!) but damaged my career, eg haven’t been promoted in ten years. I retained my employment, earning power, paid into a pension, and can earn a decent wage.

Very important to consider the medium and long term when considering your different options, eg pension, risks of relationship breakdown or illness, not being able to find well paid work after a career break etc.

Is it possible to go part-time and keep a foot in your industry?

I ended up giving up work because where I live, child care costs were crazy high and when you throw in all the extra stress on both of us, it made sense. However, I do regret it slightly. I have worked part-time since and done voluntary work but have never been able to get back into full time work - a mixture of lacking confidence, self esteem, issues with the kids, being picky etc. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed my time with my kids and still do, I made some lovely friends, got to know the neighbours but it was at the expense of a career. I haven't given up but right now I feel like I've hit a wall, I do lots of application forms but get no where and I could retrain but have no idea as what!
Also as other pp have pointed out relying on your partner for money can be dangerous. You need to have a honest talk about how you both would feel about the burdens and responsibilities of such a move.

Regarding budgeting and living on 45k is possible even in London but it will mean a strict budget and a lot of organisation ie planning meals

Good luck whatever you decide

Sorry for the late reply, to answer a few questions;

We can't add the loan to the mortgage - for one the interest we were quoted is higher if we added to mortgage (so I supposed technically we could) and for two we want to move next year into a bigger house so need as much mortgage leeway as possible. Which brings me on to my next point.....

..without my salary I don't think we could get a mortgage on the place we have now let alone a bigger home. For my own mental health we need to move ASAP or ASAWHSE (as soon as we have saved enough).

My work give me loads of holiday so when I go back I have 60+ days to use over 9 months. I've decided to use these to give me a full time salary but work part time for 6 months (not sure how many days at the moment haven't done the maths possibly 3/4 days a week) then during this time we move and get a bigger mortgage then once moved reevaluate finances re:part time/full time/ stay at home. It's possible for me to work local which would be good but it's finding the right role and possible (or perhaps not depending on role) salary drop.

DH says it's completely up to me but knows being SAHM isn't going to be feasible. If it was possible he would be happy for me to do so. Hoping he keeps getting promoted but I have to give him a push because that's what I'm like in terms of career and he's a bit too laid back but it now feels like I'm only doing so for my own benefit. (Which is sort of the case but me being at home benefits DH in terms of no cooking or housework for him to do). I'm not worried about relying on him for finance at this point as I have more assets than he does and without being morbid but thinking practically I'm in line for a bigger inheritance which would see me buy a house in London outright (fully appreciate care home fees and change of wills is possible leading to £0 inheritance). I also have better pensions than he does although in terms of career I'm at the top of mine but he can go a lot further if he wishes. I can volunteer at my job to keep my hand in if I leave completely (which I will 100% do) so I can keep in with my industry even when I've left.

Like PP we could probably move and be mortgage free In the next few years but for various reasons leaving this area is not currently possible (sadly as it's fucking awful and I do not want to bring my DC up here but it is what it is).

Sorry for the long post - just thinking out loud as ed Sheehan would say 🙃