Helping DS deal with bullying

[Lavri]

Hi, just looking for some suggestions on the best way to tackle a tricky and worrying situation. We moved to a new area in January. Our eldest is 7 and a sensitive little soul so we were delighted when he settled so well into his new school. He seemed to make friends but wasn't invited on a single playdate or party whilst his little brother was invited to loads.

Since returning to school after the summer holidays he has been quiet and sullen. I noticed he wasn't talking about the other boys as much but he denied anything was wrong. Tonight he finally admitted that a group of them had told him that he didn't belong there and should go back to where he came from. They then threatened he would get into bigger trouble with them if he told anyone what they said. He was so upset telling me, my heart broke for him. He cried saying he's disgusting and stupid and wanted to leave.

I'm going to speak to his teacher in the morning but he's very upset about that too. It's a small school and there are about 6 boys involved in this. I'm so wary of making it worse for him but know it needs to be addressed. Because he joined the class over 2 years later than the others, a lot of small groups have formed and he doesn't seem to fit in anywhere. I know he needs to learn that not everyone will be his friend but although I'm obviously biased he is genuinely a very nice, sweet boy. How do I help without making it worse?

I don't really know but don't want to read and run.
The first action should come from the school so you've already ticked that box. Don't just pop in to school expecting to catch the teacher though, emphasize the severity by making an appointment to make sure you have his/her full attention. Make sure you can do this tomorrow, don't leave it till Monday. Try to include the HT teacher in any meeting. Make sure you plan for a follow up meeting one day next week. DO NOT let it lie, don't wait for him to appear to be happy, follow it up regularly with his teacher.

If you get no response or don't feel it's being addressed, email the HT or class teacher, cc the other one in, and also cc the head of education from your council. A sure fire way to have it dealt with promptly- they cannot accept the word "Bullying".

Good luck, and I'm sure your wee one will be just fine xx

Thanks for your kind and helpful reply Justgive. I know it can't wait, just feel so sad for him. Last year, he was calling himself fat and (not that it matters) he absolutely isn't. I said it to his teacher and she was great-spoke to the whole class about being kind. He denied that anyone said something to him but I had a gut feeling someone had. He's so quiet and sensitive, if I press him too much he just clams up or retracts it all

In our council area there's a programme called "safe, strong and free" (.org.uk) which is a set of workshops which are delivered to the primary classes to teach kids how to be safe strong and free (obvs) and they deal with bullying, abuse inc sexual, and stranger danger. Our school delivers it to the new p1s and last year we had a set of 3 delivered to the whole school in age appropriate groups to tie in eith anti bullying week. Its an area which needs to be constantly revisited. Check out your schools bullying policy and ensure it is adhered to. Check with the HT if the school runs any similar program and if not then perhaps find put what your local council can offer.
It's heart breaking to see them so upset. The positive is that he will turn out very resilient. Always find a positive.

Thanks again Justgive. His Teacher and Principal were great today, they had noticed how isolated he was and were monitoring it. Think it's something that won't be resolved overnight. Have to organise his birthday party soon....dreading that

Why put him and yourself through the angst of a party, this year. Have a family trip trip somewhere special, like a theme park or safari park? Maybe the bullying won't be an issue next year and have a party then.

I agree. Think alternative.....ask what treat he would like and take 2 close friends.
Great news the teacher and principal are on it. I hope it continues xx

Thanks, that was my plan but he is adamant that he should have a party or he would seem even weirder. One of the nice mums offered to do a joint party but six weeks before his birthday and that just seems a little too early. She also just told me that another boy would join them and he is part of this group. Never thought I would be negotiating this already!

A party will possibly be the best thing for the situation and the bullies might settle down afterwards. Will they be invited? It might even things out a bit.

Sorry for slow reply Justgive- I'm not sure. I think the best option is to invite all the boys in the class (and any of the girls he might like) and keep a close eye. I'm planning to invite some boys for playdates too. He cried himself to sleep last night about school today...I hate this

I don't know what else to suggest. I'm do sorry you are going through this. I would tend to speak to the school regularly and make dure it is monitored. Dont try to do everything alone. And dobt let anything lie if houre still not happy with the schools response.

Thanks, you're very kind to reply!

Good luck xx