What do I do when the threat of "you'll have to move out" has not worked?

[AshleighMoore72]

My daughter is 23 this year and hasn't been in a job or employment since last year. She dropped out of college after one month at 16 and didn't do anything for a year and a half. She was having therapy at this time and just had poor behaviour in general. She went back to education at 18 and did a college course and then at 20 because a health care assistant. She was sacked after losing her temper twice to the people she was caring for. She then got a job in a warehouse and was there for a few years and that's the last job she had. She was also sacked from that but for never being on time and missing too many shifts (her time there dropped to 54%).

I'm at such a huge loss. I've told her and told her look you need to find another job and her reply is "whatever" and then usually leaves. I've said okay I'm not supporting you any longer and stopped helping her at all. Her room ended up a shit hole. She was wearing clothes that absolutely stunk and never had a bath as I obviously didn't provide her toiletries.

I wondered about depression and I've said to her look we will get through it and I'll help and she has said she is fine she just "can't be bothered with the things she has to do in life". What the fuck do I do with that? She doesn't guilt trip me to look after her or moan when I didn't provide toiletries, but she just let herself get in a state that wasn't healthy. She wouldn't eat for days.

One night I did say you have to go and stay with a friend and she did, she left but when I opened the door I found she had slept down the side of the house saying she has no friends to go to.

I can't just leave her to sleep there outside, can I?? Or is that what I'm supposed to be doing?

Please help. Please don't be nasty about her, it's not going to help anything, genuinely advice is really what I'm after and I hope I can find it here. Thank you

Well all that absolutely screams mental ill health at me OP. She needs to see a GP pronto.

Will she go to see the GP? She seems to have some underlying mental Heath issues that need looking at. As a parent myself, and somebody who works in nhs mental health services, if this was my daughter I’d go private to see a psychiatrist

I've suggested the GP she just won't go. She says she is absolutely fine. If she honestly thinks that I'm not sure what to do or say.

I'm also thinking mental health issues. The reaction to no clothes etc is not typical. She's had jobs before but something changed. You need to know what.

No. You can’t leave your daughter to sleep outside your home.

It sounds to me as though she is very unwell. I have no qualifications to diagnose her. But this is not “normal” behaviour.

I am a parent of a teenager with a life threatening mental illness. I sympathise. The not eating for days and lack of personal highlight markers for depression and possibly an eating disorder.

It seems as though your DD is fairly compliant - would she go with you to the GP? I’d get her to do that. She can self refer for psychotherapy on the NHS or private. But the GP is your best first avenue if you can get her to go.

I asked her why she let herself get so dirty and she just said "well there wasn't any toiletries to use and I have no money to buy any" and then I felt really bad. She is compliant in doing as I say but she thinks she's fine and wouldn't go to the doctor unless she thought otherwise

What was she like as a child? Has she ever been assessed for a spectrum condition such as autism?