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DD told me she has been sexually abused

13 replies

puddingjuly · 13/09/2018 19:24

My daughter has disclosed to me today that she was forced to touch a boy and he touched her during her last year of primary school (she turned 17 this month).

Today I feel all the puzzle has been solved as up until y6 she was the happiest confident girl you could know and then she changed we put it down to a bad start in secondary and the sudden death of a close relative.

To cut a long story short my dd didn't complete school as every time she went she would run away, have anxiety attacks and lash out when In a small space. She did a year in a nurturing school and now spends most days in her room as we try and convince her to try and attend college.

Last night she got drunk in her room without our knowledge and became aggressive to us and today she broke down and told me.
She also showed me many messages where the boy has got in touch with her this month and apologised and admitted what he did to her I think this is what brought it to a head.

She has asked me not to phone the police or tell anyone except her dad for the moment but her Camhs worker is coming tomorrow and she said we can tell her.

My questions are ;
will he get into trouble as he was the same age as her at the time ?

And this sounds like I'm thinking of myself but I'm the sole earner and I now work at the place it happened if the police investigate will it affect my job or will I have to leave while they look into it.

Thankyou for reading

OP posts:
puddingjuly · 13/09/2018 19:25

Sorry that sounds so disjointed I feel a bit shook up.

OP posts:
louise5754 · 13/09/2018 19:28

❤️ poor girl. She's kept this secret all this time. Luckily she cane to you now.

puddingjuly · 13/09/2018 19:34

I know I'm so upset she's had the worse time through her secondary years and he looks like he's doing ok.

I couldn't understand why she would try and get put in isolation at school and it was because she wouldn't have to sit in a class Sad.

OP posts:
puddingjuly · 13/09/2018 21:13

Anyone :(

OP posts:
ILoveAnOwl · 13/09/2018 21:22

So sorry to hear this. Your poor girl.

I don't know, but I can't see why you being at that school should have any impact. In a worst case scenario and it did they would surely have to suspend you on full pay?

Pieceofpurplesky · 13/09/2018 22:32

Your poor, brave DD. What a burden she has carried. Hopefully this will be her first step to recovery. Get as much help as you can.

There will be an investigation but I can't see you getting fired. Personally though I would want to look for a new job as the thought of going there every day would eat me up.

He could end up getting in to trouble I guess

Prestonsflowers · 13/09/2018 22:40

I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s really good that she has finally been able to tell you.
I’m not surprised that you’re shaken up, it must have been a dreadful thing for you to find out.
I have no idea about the protocol in a situation like this, so I’m no help to you there
Just keep listening and letting her express all that she’s feeling.
Wishing you well
💐

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/09/2018 22:43

Oh gosh your poor dd.and poor you . Very unmnetty hugs all round what a huge huge shock.

So very sorry that happened to her Flowers

pumpkinspicetime · 13/09/2018 22:49

If your dd doesn't make a complaint to the police they will have nothing to investigate, that is her choice.
This is unlikely to impact on your job, neither your dd or the alleged perpetrator are still at the primary school.

pickingdaisies · 13/09/2018 23:21

What an awful thing to hear, you must be feeling shattered. I don't think your job would be threatened, I can imagine they may wish to come to an arrangement with you while investigations are carried out if it comes to that. Just to ease the awkwardness.
But you don't need to worry about that for now, just concentrate on making your daughter feel absolutely secure so she feels ready to talk to her camhs worker tomorrow. This may be the start of her recovery, I truly hope so xx

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 14/09/2018 03:04

Your poor DD Sad I'm so glad she told you, and will be telling her CAHMs worker. I was around the same age when I disclosed my own sexual abuse to my parents and all I would say to you is let her talk when she needs to, try not to flinch outwardly at the details, support her choices and just surround her with so much love and let her know how precious she is.

You sound like a lovely mum Flowers this is so hard to deal with but you all will get there, changed but in one piece. If you need to chat, please feel free to PM me.

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/09/2018 05:57

How awful for her. If she really doesn’t want the police involved I would check out whether CAMHS would need to pass information on - I’d expect they would need to tell social services, who in turn would contact the police as a matter of course.

Flaminghotcocoa · 14/09/2018 06:08

Tbh if the boy was also 10/11yr at the time I would be very concerned that he has also been the victim to some sort of abuse too. That sort of sexualised behaviour at that age would be causing huge alarm bells at school. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything about it btw, just thought it was worth saying.

If that’s not the case and he is older then I would probably report it as getting in touch even to apologise is a way of re-establishing contact with your dd.

I am very sorry this has happened to your dd and also that you are having to go through this as a parent. It’s a nightmare scenario but I am sure you will be able to support your dd through this. Revealing to you what happened is an enormously important and positive first step for your daughter. Take care.

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