This may be a long one, I'll try and get it all down so hopefully no drip feeding.
Me and dp are not married have been together for 6 years and have one dd together.
We rented together for 3 years before our dd came along. After she was born my focus, obviously, shifted. I wanted to provide stability and security for her and I said I wanted to be in a position to buy a house by the time she started primary school. DP agreed and said that he wanted the same.
When we met I had recently started out in a new career and my wage matched my dp. However to keep and progress in my career I was required to do training which brought with it wage increases.
When dd was born I was about to commence the last part of my training so that was put on hold until I returned to work. Within 18 months of me finishing maternity leave I had completed the final part of my training which meant a decent pay increase for myself with the promise of another increase within 2 years.
My oh throughout all this has had the same job. He is trained in a skilled trade and could, quite easily, earn as much as me, if not more. When we met he told me he didn't like his original trade and was instead doing unskilled work. This never bothered me but it's a job I would consider a stop gap, something to tide you over sort of thing. He's classed as self employed, has been employed by the same people for 4 years and they pay by the job as apposed to the hour. He can work really long days (4/5am till 8/9pm) on occasion however he is usually back by 7 at the latest most of the time. Ifhe worked it out I suspect he is earning well below nmw.
We used to split bills 50/50 but as my earning increased I increased the amount I am paying regarding household bills so it was fair to both of us.
When dd was born I started seriously thinking about our future, savings, pensions etc I mentioned to dp about saving and pensions and he said he didn't have any. I was quite shocked he had and still has no pension (he's now 40 me 30). He said he would start saving for the future but hasn't and assumed he could live off his state pension, which I've told him will not be enough to realistically live on. Even his dm was shocked and told him he needed to sort something out, he's an adult and has responsibilities.
Not long after dd came along I started saving money towards a deposit for a house. I said I was going to start saving what I could, I wanted to move before dd started school and if he had no savings to put forwards as well I'd be doing it on my own.
I've pulled as much overtime as I can, done night shifts and weekends, the proceeds of which I've put into savings. Cut down on household bills, very rarely spend any money on myself and have worked seriously hard over the last 3 years to save up enough for a deposit. My df has said he will give me some inheritance early (he said this when dd was born) for us to put towards a deposit. With that money as well I have a fairly decent sized deposit saved up.
DP has saved nothing. 3 years and he still has no money behind him (this doesn't surprise me in all honesty) he's said it doesn't matter and the mortgage can just go in my name. No pension, no deposit (despite me paying the majority of the bills) to put forward. I wasn't expecting him to have save a massive amount but at least something.
I told him 3 years ago if he hadn't got anything to put towards buying a house I would be doing it alone. I now think he thought I meant it would only be my name on the mortgage.
I love my dp but feel I'm being taken for a mug and that he doesn't need to worry about money because I do that for us. But I don't see why I should work my butt off, pay the majority of the bills and do all the savings and him reap the rewards of my hard work. He's not nasty or vindictive just useless when it comes to money. Now all I keep thinking is 'what about when he wants to retire?' Is he going to expect me to fund his lifestyle then as well?