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Don't know what to do with my baby all day!

23 replies

NameChangeyMcChangerson · 13/09/2018 10:05

I'm a bit worried that this will come across as goady/stealth boasting or something about having quite an easy baby - I promise this is something that is genuinely worrying me!

I have a 9 week old and I don't know how to interact with him, or whether I'm doing it enough. He seems to be a pretty content baby - will happily lie on his playmat or in his bouncer for quite a while (maybe 20 mins at a time?). Tends to get a bit wriggly on my lap, and prefers kicking about on the floor, but loves the sling and takes all his naps in it. So I wear him about three/four hours a day, during which he sleeps and I either potter around or do some work on my laptop (while swaying from side to side so he stays asleep!). The rest of the time I don't know what to do with him. I read suggestions on how to play with a baby his age and do them - but they take minutes! For instance, this morning I thought I'd sing him some nursery rhymes and felt that I'd been singing them (to a baby staring off in the other direction!) for ages. It had been seven minutes when I looked at my watch. I try and chatter away to him but it doesn't come that naturally and again I'll feel I've been doing it for ages and it will have been literally five minutes. I shake a rattle at him or whatever but again after five minutes I feel we've both had enough... I end up feeling like I'm semi ignoring him even though I never really leave his side. Right now, for instance, he's lying on his playmat quiet but seemingly content enough while I'm on my phone - which makes me feel pretty guilty. I always pick him up if he cries or even starts fussing but he doesn't much. Other people talk about only being able to do things while the baby naps, but I can, if I want, easily put him in the bouncer or down on his mat in the middle of the floor for 20 mins and clean the kitchen or whatever. Or sit and read my book. But is it ok to do that? Should I be interacting with him more? And how?!

OP posts:
emmaluggs · 13/09/2018 10:08

Make the most of it! It won’t be long until you won’t be able to leave the room and he’ll want more interaction! Just keep doing what your doing, my LO was easy going in the early weeks too at that age I think they’re pretty content just taking everything in rather than active play.

JuniperJerry · 13/09/2018 10:08

Just wait till he's a bit older!! And demanding your constant attention and interaction. Enjoy this stage whilst it lasts!

CountessVonBoobs · 13/09/2018 10:12

That sounds fine.

Honestly? Babies get everything they need from loving contact and being talked to. A baby, especially one that small, doesn't need anything much other than being carried around and chatted to occasionally. Songs are nice too, but don't get all caught up in whether you're stimulating him "enough" or "right". A trip to Tesco is a fabulous educational experience for a baby and more than enough stimulation. All the blah blah blah about teaching them object relations and so on is pure catering to middle-class anxieties.

Do what YOU want to do (while you can!) and bring him along in the sling, chatting to him occasionally. That's literally all you need to do. Go to baby groups if you fancy a chat with other mums (baby doesn't need them, they're for you), go to the cinema, go for a walk in the country. Go to an art exhibition. Go to a museum.

Enjoy it while you can (when they're 18 months and older - then you actually DO have to entertain them...)

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Lazypuppy · 13/09/2018 10:13

I don't think i did anymore than you've said at that age.

You don'5 have to entertain babies 24/7, otherwise you'll make a rod for your own back when they are older.

If baby is happy on playmat leave him there. He'll learn to entertain himself as he gets older.

At that age i got through loads of boxsets on tv cause my LO was the same

OhWifey · 13/09/2018 10:13

Just enjoy it. If he's content he's content. He just needs his needs met and it sounds like that's what's happening. Before long he'll cry every time you leave his sight and / or chase you round the house to be picked up. Sit down and relax!

NameChangeyMcChangerson · 13/09/2018 10:15

Thank you for the reassurance. Again, I know this is going to sound goady and I don't want it to - when other people say they only get a break when baby naps, is that because their babies cry more than mine? I just worry that everyone else is interacting with their baby whenever the baby is awake, and that my baby is unstimulated and not learning like theirs are!

OP posts:
ladymildred · 13/09/2018 10:16

Sounds like you're doing great! Enjoy having time to yourself - before long they'll be interacting back with you and they'll require more of your time and attention. My dd is now 4 months and is playing with toys and grabbing anything in reach! Both my DC were easy newborns (during the day) but because nights were hard work I used to just rest (watch TV/drink tea/sit on phone!) when they were happy on their mat etc for a bit during the day.

Ormally · 13/09/2018 10:17

They kind of 'wake up' a few weeks later! Depending on the baby I think they can get overwhelmed after some activities or social stuff quite easily. The first thing I have seen a few babies interested in investigating at that point is a smallish stuffed toy with long stringy legs to pull (not necessarily a classic soft toy). I reckon a lot of talking to him while you are doing things/out will also be nice for him but you probably do that anyway.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 13/09/2018 10:17

Think of it this way, if you were perfectly happy and content relaxing, would you like someone constantly rattling toys in your face and singing stupid rhymes at you? No, and neither does he!

Be very happy that he is so content and you can actually do something other than focus on him all the time.

CountessVonBoobs · 13/09/2018 10:22

Other people probably just have needier babies than you. My first was a mega velcro baby who was only happy in my arms or the sling.

My second enjoys the baby gym and you bet your arse I leave him there as long as he is happy and quiet.

dangermouseisace · 13/09/2018 10:26

I wouldn’t worry about interacting all the time- he’d end up over stimulated and crying!

Your baby is learning all the time but doesn’t need an adult to do “stuff” every waking moment. Just lying kicking on the mat he’s learning to control/direct his limbs. Staring at stuff he’s learning to focus his eyes. Hearing things- working out what is worth being shocked about.

It sounds like you are doing fine. If you think your baby has had enough rattling etc, it sounds like you are very in tune with him and are doing great. Read the book, whilst you have the chance!

Kintan · 13/09/2018 10:26

At that age I just put my baby in a sling and went about my day. Like wandering around the shops, going for a stroll in the park, occasionally a museum, and seeing friends. Agree with pp - it won’t be long until you miss these early days - enjoy and congratulations on your new baby :)

NameChangeyMcChangerson · 13/09/2018 10:45

Thank you again! I think part of the problem is that I told the health visitor I wasn't sure if he was doing social smiles (he definitely is now) and she said 'well, the more you interact with him the more you'll get back' so since then I've been even more worried that I'm neglecting and stunting him! We get out of the house every day, either for a group or for a long walk - I find myself inventing reasons to go into town ('let's go look at beds! No, turns out we do not want to buy a new bed!') just for the hour long round walk - I don't feel guilty when we're out and about or at groups because there I can see that I'm interacting with him like the other mothers are, it's at home that I feel a bit bored and anxious that I'm not doing enough with him.

OP posts:
Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 13/09/2018 10:45

I couldn’t put mine down without them crying for the first couple of months, and they hated the sling so, yes, you got lucky! They aren’t necessarily interested in interaction at this age, though mine found my voice soothing so I found myself talking to them a lot whilst carrying them around anyway.

KoshaMangsho · 13/09/2018 10:45

Just do whatever you want to. Go to a museum. Meet up with friends. All this is ‘stimulation’ for the baby. I would chat with DS1 and 2 while doing household chores.
Maybe go to a playgroup every morning just for a change of scene for you. And don’t fall into the trap of entertaining a baby constantly if they don’t need to. Babies need their space and learning to be content is a skill in and of itself.

Comfortandjoy · 13/09/2018 10:54

Sounds fine - I heard about people being so busy but I think it’s people with high needs babies that we hear about. If you have an easy one, you feel like you shouldn’t talk about it. At 9 weeks mine didn’t even give me eye contact and just stared behind me at the wall paper. I read loads, learnt how to bake, took up a new crafty hobby. We watched loads of tv series in the evenings while DD slept in her bassinet. As they get older they get more interested in the world and it gets more fun.

CountessVonBoobs · 13/09/2018 13:21

Look at it this way OP, second and subsequent time mums are far too busy to spend much time actively "stimulating" their DC. Baby gets bunged in a sling and just gets trailed around on the rest of the family's routine - school run, shopping, errands, homework, whatever. Do second/third/fourth babies speak later? Do they do less well at school? Do they have more emotional problems? No, no and no.

If baby is happy on playmat, by all means have a coffee, do some MNing, hang the washing out, or close your eyes for ten minutes. They'll let you know when they need you.

NameChangeyMcChangerson · 13/09/2018 13:34

I know you're right about second babies - that has occurred to me. So many of the other mums I know are doing endless (very expensive) baby sensory, singing, massage etc. classes and I think I feel like I should be 'making up' for the fact we can't really afford those and also I don't want to go to them! I take him to the library for their free 'sensory play' session once a week and he couldn't care less, but I'm still worried he's missing out... I know I'm being silly, he's nine weeks old!

OP posts:
TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 13/09/2018 13:41

2nd? Try having a fourth baby...sometimes I would actually forget where I had put her! (not even joking Blush )

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/09/2018 14:15

Sounds like you're doing a great job and he is very content
I use to talk to my three all the time about anything if our in the pram I'd point at trees birds cats dogs literally anything
They also loved a mirror, but until he can sit That's more than enough
It'll be a totally different story when he's running around Enjoy every minute.. Mine are all men now Smile

CountessVonBoobs · 13/09/2018 14:34

Take it from somebody who actually did all that shit first time around and hasn't bothered again, it's a perfectly ok way to spend your time and money if you've got 'em, but it doesn't make any difference to their development, and baby 100% doesn't care.

Baby massage can be good for wind and quite nice for you both but you don't need a class, there are dozens of YouTube videos and online information. Libraries often do baby singing which is a good way to learn new songs and get out a bit. That's plenty.

Nofilter · 13/09/2018 17:32

This is a really normal feeling process to go through IMO. The build up during pregnancy and complete overload of advice you take on and then baby arrives and it's a bit like tumbleweed after the initial shock of the first few weeks at home.

Babies are BORING! But only for a short while - it's ok to look at your phone/do "you" still and is better than being a helicopter parent on top of their every moment I think...

Be kind to yourself and go with the flow... Smile

sourpatchkid · 13/09/2018 21:40

I did all the classes - they were an absolute waste of time. DS got nothing from them.

You're doing great don't worry

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