AAAAARGH having to live with messy people!!!

[whereiscaroline]

Just need a rant - I feel like the choices are either to pick up after everyone else and become their de facto slave or just to accept living in a messy home.

This morning I've left the house for work - DS' PE kit is strewn at the bottom of the stairs, along with football boots. DP's socks from yesterday in the living room where he took them off. Letters opened and left out. General debris and mess just left where it's dropped. Its driving me DERANGED.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I lost the plot at this, and launched everything out the back door while crying and shouting incoherently
Seemed to work for a while...

I have tried all sorts. Nothing seems to work. I am trying to reduce the amount of stuff in the house, on the basis that it can't be so messy if there is less stuff to make a mess

I'm sat at my desk fantasising about buying the house next door and living there on my own in serene tidy bliss

I often dream about the bliss that would be living alone

Adult daughter is the worst culprit in my house. When she comes home it's like a tornado has been through. First the shoes get taken off and just left, then the keys are dropped, then it's the handbag. Next is her packed lunch containers in the kitchen, then coat/jacket and in winter we'll also have scarf, gloves etc. It's like a trail of destruction from the front door through to the living room. More than once I have lost my head and scooped it all up and thrown it into the garden.

I've given up in her bedroom; if she wants to live in a squat then fine, carry on, but I do object to the mess spreading through to the communal areas!

I did once have a moment of strategic overcompetence when it came to strewn clothes.
Every last item I found on the floor all went in the machine in one go. Cue DH the following morning "Oh, where's my jumper?"
"In the machine."
"But I was going to wear that again!"
Then why did you leave it on the floor in a heap??
It worked for a while. Then it didn't so I stopped. I'm back to strategic incompetence and I only wash what's in the laundry basket. I also don't help looking for lost things.

Go on. Break free of the patriarchal programming that insists your value is measured in the neatness of your home. Just let it all hang out. Go on... surrender... let it go....

@MephistophelesApprentice I'd love to! But I just can't - how can anyone find it relaxing to live surrounded by mess?! Life is easier when everything has a place, and is in its place! Less time spent looking for things etc. Neatness is calming, mess is just so draining mentally.

I gave up on DS bedroom long ago, but like PP, it's bloody objectionable when it's all over the blimming house. Thank god I don't WFH anymore, it used to drive me to new levels of bonkers then.

Pick it up if it's driving you crazy but just chuck it on the owner's bedroom floor and close the door behind you. If it's your husband's mess then I'd get a box and chuck anything you find in there. Then put the box under the stairs or something so you can't see it.

If they ask you where anything is deny all knowledge 😂

Almost as stressful as an untidy person living with tidy people

Drove me crazy So I do feel your pain op but in reverse

Dump anything left lying around on the owners bed.

Or if it’s your husband dump it on the floor in his wardrobe so you can see it.

DH is away this week and once the DC were in bed last night I sat watching tv with a cuppa and looked around the lovely living room where everything was just right and thought how peaceful it was.

I deliberately spend ten minutes before I go to bed each night sorting out stuff like that because if I come downstairs in the morning and find shite everywhere I lose the plot. They still leave crap about, I'm just calmer because the only viable alternative is throttling them all.

Just wang it all out of a window in the pouring rain whilst singing madly at the top of your voice. “I like to move it move it”

They will get the message soon.

This is interesting reading for me. I'm incredibly messy and my poor DP is super tidy. I must drive him bananas....

I know how you feel. I am tired of walking through the door after a long day to find a trail of things. I’m tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m tired of people not looking after things.

What pisses me off almost as much as the untidiness is the accusations of nagging. I wouldn't have to fucking nag if people didn't leave their shit lying everywhere would I?

Yes, it’s the accusations of nagging that kill me. That and being told I’m not morally superior for preferring tidiness. No, I’m not morally superior, but I’m definitely some kind of superior if I’m the one who’s always on time and has everything she needs when she needs it and has never lost anything ever, unlike you three who can’t find anything you need without my input and are always frantically running around looking for stuff at the last minute and are forever losing phones/ umbrellas/ items of clothing.

Neither will I stand for “but this is my house as much as yours, if I want to leave my keys in the middle of the kitchen counter and my shoes in the middle of the hallway, why can’t I?”. Because you share your space with other people, you fucking tool. Show some respect.

Can you tell how angry I get?

I’ve started a new thing. Nobody is allowed to say “have you seen my...” until they’ve spent at least 5 minutes looking for it. I have a timer.

I also agree that having less stuff is the only way forward. Also, I’ve decided to revel in my superiority. I quietly do it all, knowing that it’ll all come unravelled for the children one day and they’ll learn their lesson (hopefully). As for DH, I turn a blind eye for the sake of marital harmony. We’re not divorced yet.

A house near me have converted their garage into a studio flat for their son.
I have been watching the building work progress with very envious eyes.

A whole area just for me with nobody else’s clutter, mess, stinky pants on floors (near laundry basket) or single socks left on the living room floor.
And absolutely no feckin crumbs left on the side after sandwich making.

I hate the constant answer of "I'll do it in a minute" which bloody minute as it's there few hours later I hate mess left about especially cups and plates which seem to fester in my d's bedroom!!!!

No, I’m not morally superior, but I’m definitely some kind of superior if I’m the one who’s always on time and has everything she needs when she needs it and has never lost anything ever, unlike you three who can’t find anything you need without my input and are always frantically running around looking for stuff at the last minute and are forever losing phones/ umbrellas/ items of clothing.

I hear you!

I once read an idea - every day, anything that is left lying around, you put it in a big box in a communal area. Every Sunday night, anything in the box gets taken to the charity shop. Everyone in the house knows this so either puts their stuff away, collects it from the box weekly, or loses it. Not sure if this was successful but maybe worth a try?

Why should you have to step over everyone else’s shit and risk tripping over just because they can’t be bothered to pick up after themselves?
Give them warning that any future items left strewn on the floor will be promptly binned... and then follow through and actually do it.
Drastic and harsh but it may just work

But if you bin, say, your child’s PE kit you are then going to have to buy a new one. I can see how the throwing away mess works for toys but for essential items you just can’t.

I am sure you’ve all tried this but I have fairly good results from asking ds to come back and pick up his socks/clear his plate. It’s annoying for him when he is in the middle of something else and I hope eventually he’ll just get into the habit of doing it as he goes. He is a biddable child though.

Nope, my child is neither tidy nor biddable, unfortunately.

oh, I hate this so much. It is a CONSTANT battle in my house. It has, at various times, reduced me to screaming, crying and walking out(only for a couple of hours)!
NOTHING works long term. I have, slowly over years, come to accept it will always be thus until I can finally live all alone in a clean tidy and organised house. Bliss!