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Original poster

AIBU not wanting to invite new neighbour to DDs birthday party?

22 replies

SylvesterTweety · 12/09/2018 18:44

NC for this in case said neighbour is a MNer!

We recently moved house to edge of a village. We have one set of neighbours on one side (fields other side). We met the neighbours - a lovely lovely family. DH was thrilled as he always said our last house was in the middle of city yet our neighbours were not very warm and we felt isolated in spite of being surrounded on all sides.

They popped in and brought home made bread and scones, and a week or so later invited us in for tea and sandwiches and cake. Informal, all lovely.

Thing is, we don't really know them yet. We've only been here a few weeks! But she keeps asking when DDs birthday is. It's next week.

DH wants to invite them around for the little birthday party. To him, it makes perfect sense, a perfect opportunity to return the hospitality - tea sandwiches, cake etc.

I really don't want to. I feel its too intimate. We have no family so the only people there would be our 2 best friends. So 6 people in total, only one other child. I'd be a bit embarrassed in front of people I don't really know tbh at having so tiny a gathering for her party. It's all we know, but it's unusual.

Secondly, she keeps saying how DD is a little doll and she's clearly enraptured. DD is about to turn 2 and is very attractive, objectively. Very pretty, long curly blonde hair, blue eyes, rosy lips, like a postcard. I said to DH that the neighbour never asked when DSs birthday is! (He's 3). I don't like when people kinda fetishise her, that's not the right word but I don't know how to explain it. Basically I just think she wants to come because DD looks like a little doll. She keeps saying how she was looking at DD over the wall and how she is like a little doll, how adorable she is in her little dress, her little pigtails etc etc. They has kids who are teens including a daughter (also lovely) so I think she's just one of those people who melts at little cute toddler girls. But she's not a doll and this isn't an open viewing of the doll! Ugh maybe I'm not even making sense.

DH was a bit when I said this, but went OK fine. But maybe I'm being unreasonable?

Honestly I'm happy to invite then around any time but not for this, somehow.

But maybe DH is right and it's the perfect opportunity be neighbourly? When we want to Foster the relationship after all. And they are really really nice people.

Oh I don't know. Someone tell me if I need a kick up the arse! Am I being precious? It's not as if DD will give a shit either way.

OP posts:

vanillapieandicecream · 12/09/2018 18:58

Honestly, I think you are over thinking it. Of course, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, but if you are to be neighbours for a few years, why not just invite them round for a cupcake, to sing happy birthday and a quick cuppa. Do it for 10:30, and then say you have to leave at 11:30 for lunch. It's the significance, but it doesn't need to be an all day affair.

MorningsEleven · 12/09/2018 19:16

Very odd. You, not her.

Andylion · 12/09/2018 19:22

You can reciprocate when it's not your DD's birthday. Your neighbour sounds pushy asking when it is.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 12/09/2018 20:54

She's probably just asking when her birthday is because she heard it mentioned.

I wouldnt invite for birthday tea no, but id invite the next day to share some cake and sandwiches. Sometimes it's nice to be nice. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

SylvesterTweety · 12/09/2018 21:01

She wants to give her a present. According to DH she's mentioned it about 3 times over the garden wall to him. Which is very nice but there's absolutely no need.

I have a lot of social anxiety and I'm afraid I really don't know how to navigate new people who are so interested.

Truth be told I was pretty comfortable with our neighbor giving a shit about us in the city as it meant I had no obligation to do anything other than give a cheery Hello whilst getting into the car. But DH was raised around a big community of neighbours and missed that badly. So he is delighted and gave them spare keys on the first week etc and I'm starting to feel like a bit of a wierdo by comparison in wanting to take it slow.

OP posts:

Original poster

SylvesterTweety · 12/09/2018 21:02

*NOT giving a shit, obvs.

OP posts:

AspieHere · 12/09/2018 21:06

I'd be weirded out. She is fixating on your DD but seemingly doesn't give a stuff about your DS. I wouldn't invite them to her birthday, at first I assumed they had a child of a similar age but they don't so it's weird. Fr all they know her birthday could be 11 months, why keep asking.

AspieHere · 12/09/2018 21:07

Spare keys? After the first week! These people are strangers!

PrincessScarlett · 12/09/2018 21:08

You don't have to invite them over for DDs birthday, just invite them round for a cup of tea/cake a day or two later. You are definitely over thinking this, your neighbours sound lovely and sounds like they are just making you feel welcome.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 12/09/2018 21:09

I would maybe suggest that they pop in briefly maybe over lunch but then you and your friends go out for a walk/ park etc. I don't think you have to but it might be sociable to do something briefly. Everyone always said dd2 looked like a doll - petite and with a delicate face. She has just started secondary school and would give anyone who tried it now a short, sharp lesson in the dangers of objectification of women and whether they would consider it acceptable to refer to a boy as a doll. The cute, doll phase doesn't last long!

runbeerrunbeer · 12/09/2018 21:24

I don't think the problem is your neighbours; it's your husband! Why ever has he given them spare keys?!

passwordfailure · 12/09/2018 21:33

She's a bit OTT but when your kids have grown up it is nice to see little ones, especially if they are cute and someone else's responsibility. You could say "pop over for a cup of tea before our old friends come round" anyone with half a brain should be able to decode that. Perhaps reign your husband in a little

Returnofthesmileybar · 12/09/2018 21:51

Spare keys to people you hardly know?? Now that's weird!!

Don't invite them for the birthday tea, just accept the gift, day nothing and invite them for tea another time

Original poster

SylvesterTweety · 12/09/2018 21:53

In fairness they went away on their summer holiday not long after and whilst they didn't give us keys they did give us their mobile no.s and asked us to keep an informal eye on the house. Everyone is so open in the country, I'm afraid they'll think I'm standoffish but I just don't have the natural instincts for this.

I just feel without this event it would unfold at a pace that would be easy for me. And I don't know why they want to come! It was a landmark birthday in their house a couple of weeks ago and we weren't invited which is surely entirely normal for an acquaintance of several weeks? So why come to DDs thing?

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 12/09/2018 21:56

You don’t have to invite them to the party, but maybe a day or two after you can get them round for some of the cake and a cuppa.

That’s if they don’t just let themselves in with the set of keys your DH gave them Oh My God Is He Mad??!

Squeeless · 12/09/2018 21:58

But they haven't said the 'want to come' have they? They just want to know her birthday to give a gift?

Plus they didn't invite you round for their latest birthday so I think it's safe for you to unclench a bit! Tell them when it's her bday and say you'll save them some cake. Job done.

Original poster

SylvesterTweety · 12/09/2018 22:00

Actually thats a good line, we'll save you some cake. I could even drop it round. That's nice, isn't it? Neighbourly and that?

That might be a solution.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 12/09/2018 22:06

You said that when you lived in the city the neighbours weren't warm and you felt isolated. Now other neighbours are warm, but you feel they're too friendly. Make your mind up OP!

Would you have wanted to go to their landmark birthday event where lots of people would be there and you would have known nobody? It doesn't sound like your sort of thing. But this little birthday tea will only be a few people. And you said yourself that DH misses a friendly neighbourhood - this could be an ideal opportunity to make some lovely new friends.

Squeeless · 12/09/2018 22:08

Don't worry we all overthink sometimes!

badg3r · 12/09/2018 22:10

Yes take them round some cake, if they ask what you did be honest - no party as such but you had a couple of friends visit for the from out of town.

GreenMeerkat · 12/09/2018 22:31

Agree with PPs. Don't invite them to the birthday but invite them at another time.

I'm a bit like this with my neighbour. She's lovely, and we have DCs the same age which is nice but like you, I have social anxiety and she is very full on, talks 1000 miles an hour about inane rubbish and is just way too OTT for me but I have tried to make an effort and be neighbourly.

The doll thing is weird though. I hate that phrase anyway but she seems weirdly fixated on it.

indianwoman · 12/09/2018 22:38

I'd ask for the keys back and say you only have one spare set and you want to give them to your parents or someone....they are strangers!!

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