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Original poster

Changing surname post divorce

32 replies

LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 11:44

I’m planning ahead for when my decree absolute finally comes through!

I took my STBXH’s surname when I got married, we have two children and they both have that surname. Let’s say Crawford.

So my current name is Alice Beth Crawford.

My maiden name was a really common surname, eg. Jones.

I don’t really want to go back to jones. Firstly because it’s such a common surname, and secondly because I feel like going back to my old name is a step backwards. I’m not Alice Jones anymore, just as I’m not Alice Crawford either.

So, do I keep my married surname because it’s the same name as my children and also i hear it’s easier to travel with children if you have the same surname (they are 9 and 7)? Or do I go back to my maiden name? Do I give myself a new surname, and if so, what?! Or I could give myself a new surname and keep my married surname as a middle name - Alice Beth Crawford Donaldson?

It’s keeping my positive and distracted whilst I wait and wait for the DA!

OP posts:
Blobby10 · 12/09/2018 11:54

I've kept my married name as its the same as my children but if/when ex gets married again, I will definitely change. Not sure what to though as, like you say, I'm no longer my maiden name!

Original poster
LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 15:09

So you would change if your ex remarried, even if that meant then not having the same surname as your children?

OP posts:
JLbaby · 12/09/2018 15:14

I also have kept my married name, for similar reasons - it's the same surname as my 2 children and easier to travel with them.

No plans to change it back to maiden name, it was enough faff changing it to my married name with having to remember all the things I had to change!

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Relationship problems
rainingcatsanddog · 12/09/2018 15:20

I've kept my married name- just ditched the Mrs.

Sidge · 12/09/2018 15:28

I’ve kept my married name. Been divorced 6 years but had had my married name for 15 years before that, so going back to my maiden name didn’t seem right. Kids have the same surname as me and their dad.

I use Ms but nearly always get addressed as Mrs.

Not planning on changing it when my ex husband marries his partner either.

Graphista · 12/09/2018 15:31

I kept my married name. Hated my maiden name for a number of reasons including a shit father.

Also same name as dd, easier frankly as changing name on all your official stuff is a pita! And can sometimes incur costs.

I'll get flamed for this but it's true - there's still stigma in some places/with some people re 'unmarried mums' so that's another reason it's better to keep same name as kids.

ivykaty44 · 12/09/2018 15:34

I kept my married name until youngest turned 16 then I reverted to my former name. I used my decree absolute and my birth certificate as proof of name change without any issues.

I have an uncommon name now again

ivykaty44 · 12/09/2018 15:37

I have meet people in real life that have changed their last name for reasons, even a couple who didn’t like thier last name e.g. Mr&Mrs Cow si they became Mr&Mrs Carlisle

Just pick a last name you like, is easy to spell and change by feed poll

presentcontinuous · 12/09/2018 15:39

I ditched my married name before my divorce came through.

I'd never liked the name anyway and wanted to distance myself from exH, so I reverted to my maiden name. I'd used it for work for years anyway so it didn't feel weird.

My DC use my maiden name unofficially so we sort of share a name sometimes!

I'm now remarried and haven't changed my name (yet) but I might when my passport expires because I don't really like having a different name from my DH.

JustlikeDevon · 12/09/2018 15:58

I kept my married name. It's not my xh's, it's mine now, has been for over 20 years. I don't like the connection with him, but I have dd with him, so can't get rid of the fuckwit completely just yet. Plus it's how I'm known professionally so easier for work.

Original poster
LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 16:10

I’m just about to start up my own business, so it feels as though if I am going to change it, now would be the time.

I don’t feel at all like Alice Crawford. Being married was a mostly miserable time in my life, I have no affection for the name at all!

OP posts:
dogzdinner · 12/09/2018 16:29

I got rid of my married name as soon as DA came through and went back to maiden name. I did think about making up a completely new name but decided that I was proud to belong to the same family as my mum and dad. I didn't want any association with ex. I do have a different name to my kids, but it's so common these days it doesn't cause any problems.

It was a pain getting it changed with various places though - I think changing by deed poll would make it easier.

Original poster
LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 19:38

Do those who have changed their names after divorce regret doing so?

OP posts:
MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns · 12/09/2018 19:41

I didn't want to have ex's name or my maiden name. I changed mine to my grandma's maiden name as she had no brothers, so it had been out of use for many years. I felt like I was resurrecting it.
The dc didn't care. I travelled this year for the first time abroad with their birth certificates and my court order and nobody even questioned me.
I started a new job post name change, so it was a new beginning as nobody knew me as my old name.

vanitythynameisnotwoman · 12/09/2018 19:47

I kept my maiden name professionally, and was only married for 5 years. So when it finally gets to 2 years and I can file "with consent" I am absolutely going to change it back. I can't wait.
But if I had children from the marriage or it had been longer I'm sure I would see it differently. As a teenager I took my mum's name by deed poll at 18/19 out of anger with my dad. She was sad to learn how strongly I still felt.

Original poster
LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 19:56

I haven’t thought to ask the children what they might think of me changing my surname. Hmmm.

My alternative was just to change to first name middle name and become Alice Beth (although IRL my middle name is also a surname)

OP posts:
vanitythynameisnotwoman · 12/09/2018 20:19

Sorry Cinderella I didn't mention it to worry you. I'm sure they will have friends with parents with differing surnames these days. It was less common when we were younger I think... school used to mess it up endlessly. But ultimately for me it was about belonging - or rather, not belonging. My relationship with my father was terrible.

vanitythynameisnotwoman · 12/09/2018 20:20

And I like the alternative of using your middle name - is it your own mother's/grandmother's maiden name?

KnotsInMay · 12/09/2018 20:31

PresentContinuous: your Dp could change his name to your maiden name. Since you and your children all use it.

KnotsInMay · 12/09/2018 20:32

OP You have the perfect answer. Use your middle name as your surname.

KnotsInMay · 12/09/2018 20:33

VanityThyNamr: you can change it whenever you like. You don’t have to wait.

Original poster
LaBellaCinderella · 12/09/2018 20:36

And I like the alternative of using your middle name - is it your own mother's/grandmother's maiden name?

Not that I’m aware of. It was just a name my parents liked

OP posts:
TakeAChanseyOnMe · 12/09/2018 20:38

OP I agree either use your middle name as a surname or what about your mother’s maiden name? Unless you’re very close to your father and wouldn’t want to change it for that reason.

I use my (very uncommon) maiden name professionally and my (very common) husband’s surname socially. Tbh I probably wouldn’t have changed my name if his surname wasn’t a nicer and easier name to spell. Grin

My aunt uses her maiden name and her 2 kids use their father’s surname. They were 18 and 14 when the divorce was granted. Both names are uncommon and Mc-something so not much difference. DAunt wanted to get rid of her ex’s name as he was a total waste of space.

GenericHamster · 12/09/2018 21:04

I would use your middle name for new business and generally but possibly keep married name on passport for travel with kids reasons.

Or pick a totally new name and just add it to the end!

BitOutOfPractice · 12/09/2018 21:07

I’ve kept my married name as I wanted to be the same as the kids and I’m well known professionally by that name in my field.

I did discuss it with my exH and he was pleased I was keeping it. We are super-amicable though