Has anyone dated a surgeon?

[anappleadaykeeps]

Any tips? Advice?

Part of me is intrigued - it seems like such an unusual profession - very bright (with all the medical qualifications) but also very good technical/hands on skills. And a life/death scenario job (maybe I've watched too many TV dramas) ... totally different to the Corporate head office and Finance environment I work in.

Second date coming up. We didn't really talk much about jobs when we met - mainly talked about mutual friends and our families/children instead, and then ended up kissing a lot.

Yes! At uni. He was gorgeous.

Sounds good OP, enjoy :) It only matters if you really like each other.

Yes. Dunno about tips or advice, but as with most medics, he had a very dark sense of humour!

No but as a lover of horror movies I find the word 'surgeon' very creepy definitely wouldn't be my first choice of a bf's job!

Just tell him he's not allowed to carve his name into patients livers ;)

Yes. A colo-rectal surgeon. He was a nice person but I didn't fancy him.

Wouldn't fancy a gynaecologist, he'd know all my secrets before me!

Yes, at university many years ago - he was just a medical student then but planning on becoming a surgeon, and indeed he has. He was with 19 year old me (actually in bed with me) when the postie delivered a letter from my doctor telling me my smear test had shown results needing further exploration. I was a bit upset, not howling or tears, but I suppose a bit shocked. He suddenly remembered an ugent appointment, dressed, left, and dumped me later that day. Surgeons are not known for their emotional intelligence, for perhaps obvious reasons.
However, I did FB stalk him a few months ago when I was very, very bored, and he seems to have a happy family. So maybe he learned a bit of humanity over the intervening years. :)

Surgeons are just normal people doing a job.

But prepare yourself for the many family things he will miss because of long hours and on-call. If you're not ok with that (REALLY ok with it - it's hard for non-medical people to understand the hours and that fact that he will have no choice) I would find someone else.

Agree with the hours thing- and this is not something that stops or that they can pick up and put down. They might not come home till 10pm and they might not have been able to give you an ETA. If they are still in training there will be a lot of putting life on hold for exams etc in a way that can be daunting for a non medic. And taking time off to care for sick kids etc is incredibly hard- the expectation would be that someone else picks all that stuff up. Cancelling a list or clinic is done only if they are so sick they can’t stand up

Also I know it sounds weird and old fashioned but there will be a level of adoration required. Not in an arrogant way always but they are used to people inherently seeing them as special. Some level of that from you will be required as a partner (this seems more in male surgeons in my experience but may be wrong)

DH is a medic and my sister and BIL are both surgeons. They are all normal people. But they all work insane hours.

My dad is a retired surgeon. He's a wonderful man and I love him to bits. He wasn't around a lot when I was growing up so we were used to Christmas Day when he'd leave half way or something. Don't recall he went to things like parents evening or school concerts much.
Now I'm a mum I realize my mum sacrificed a lot for his career including moving where his job took him several times. I think she did the lions share at home but I don't remember that I resented him for it at all as it was just accepted.
My mum always says sometimes she'd feel pissed off but says "how can you complain about him saving someone's life "!!

So be prepared!

but they are used to people inherently seeing them as special.

There's an old joke in health care. What's the difference between a surgeon and God? God knows he's not a surgeon.

Maybe it's worse on this side of the pond, but there is often a certain level of arrogance. If you see no sign of it in your date, carry on.

Depending on his surgical specialty, his hours may be a bit crazy.

Yeah I reckon you'll be second fiddle a lot of the time tbh. But that's not to say the relationship couldn't work. It's just the priorities are different.

No, but used to work with them. Not necessarily the brightest of the medical bunch, but huge egos.

But of course, this is a generalisation.

He's a General Surgeon, with three named specialities under that. I think one of them was Upper GI if that means anything significant?

Interesting re some of the comments - he seemed a lot better on Emotional Intelligence side than my ex. And not arrogant.

Hmmmm.

Daydreaming about kissing him again, while waiting for my alarm to go off.

Yes, I lived with one for nine years, lovely lovely guy. Apart from having to be flexible when on call his job didn’t affect our lives.

His vocation didn’t define who he was as a person, he is without an ego. You really can’t generalise.

i have a lot of medical family members, including two general surgeons, plus know a lot of their friends, all medics.

The only warning I would give is that, especially when en masse, they have no filter about what is normal social conversation and what is to much detailed information or just plain gruesome. I'm immune, as I've been listening to it for as long as I can remember, but I've seen all sort of people go a bit green/uncomfy (and my role was always to heartily change the subject - we even had a code phrase for it, after one notoious 'don't talk pus when guests are just about to start on the trifle' moment).

This is such a bizarre thread.

Can you imagine “has anyone dated a teacher” or “has anyone dated a guy that works in retail”?

Surgeons are people. They are all different.

my friend is. Crazy long hours and never being there. She’s a sahm (they have two kids) and I doubt that the relationship could work otherwise.