Prepping teens for parties etc

[Bullnoway]

Dd is going to her first 'proper' party this weekend. There will certainly be booze, and weed I imagine. She is a sensible kid and going with a sensible friend. I'm sure she will have a drink. We've talked about safety and what's reasonable/ok. It occurred to me that, as she hasn't drunk before, she won't know what a normal, versus an insanely strong, drink is. So should I prepare her a normal, I don't know, vodka and coke to have a few sips of the day before? How do others handle this stage?

Your just going to have to trust her. There will be at least one if not more occasion that she will over do it and wake up feeling insanely sorry for herself the next day. That's how everyone learns their boundaries. Alcopops are a good place to start as they aren't too strong but if she does want to get properly drunk then she will. Just get the bucket and the 'I told you so's' ready for when she gets home!

How old is she? By the time DS1 went to his first party like this he’d had a few drinks at home and new what he liked and what a sensible strength was.

One thing I made clear to DS was that if something happened to him, a friend or anyone at the party,he could call me whenever and I would come to help. I made it clear that there would be no recriminations at that point, we’d deal with the drama and then talk about it later. I didn’t want him to be in a situation where someone had drunk too much/taken something they shouldn’t have done and it went badly wrong because they were too worried about getting into trouble to call for help!

I completely agree with the 'no recriminations, just call' approach. I've made the point, but I will re-emphasise it.

The issue isn't that I don't trust her. I believe that if I say 'just have a couple of drinks' she will. But I don't think she'll know what a normal drink, versus 50:50 vodka:coke, for example, would taste like. I think I'm going to make her one, so she knows.

Fully expecting to clear up sick and make bacon sandwiches at some point.

I think the safety in numbers/ don't leave your drink lying around thing is probably sensible too.

The teaching her about vodka:coke ratios sound like a good plan, maybe drum it into her to only make her own drinks as well so she knows exactly how much she's having?

My strong advice to my teens is to avoid spirits.

Fruit cider, alcopops etc are ok. I say don't drink too much too quickly. When you start to feel a bit tiddly, stop drinking for a bit, then carry on if you're feeling ok.

It's a steep learning curve!

How old is she?

I would strongly recommend to her to stick to bottles alcopops or whatever. Much easier to monitor, easier to carry and cover the top with your thumb. Until you're used to that situation guarding a cup is another thing for her to tackle and honestly she will forget and pop it down it's totally normal too. Also alcohol content is generally lower!

Alcopops. Hadn't thought of that. Thank you.

She is 15. I know all her friends are already well into this phase. It's new to us.

Some of the fruit ciders are lowish in alcohol. Also, buy small cans, not bigger bottles. Not good value for money, but a good way of not taking too much without losing face with peers.

Majority of teens here/locally have alcopop or ciders. They don’t tend to get spirits for another few years, so maybe tell her to stick to stuff like that? It’s easy enough as most don’t like it, so she is unlikely to be the only one saying no.

Drink spiking is a thing. So a bottle or can is much safer for her. Get her to try something at home. Tell her to be confident in her choices.

Give her £20 cash so she can call a cab/Uber if she’s ever desperate and drum this into her. That £20 has saved my life over the years. Always always have the emergency £20.

Call if it goes wrong, no judgements. You’d rather she was safe and called rather than scared and unsafe.

If you buy her something to take you can get the lowest alcohol %. I think cider or lager just for sheer volume and will fill them up.

Also a bottle of soft drink. Make sure she eats before she goes.

I hate all this, but I accept it. Mine aren’t allowed to stay over after a party. I will go and get them (and their friends). Most parties are over about 11/12. Yes, always be on call and no repercussions. I’ll be glad when we’re through this phase!

Oh yes - good shout about Uber. You can set up a family account and she can download the app on her phone.

Also warn her that alcohol & weed is likely to end up with her with her head in the toilet, particularly if it’s her first time with either/both.
A smile, ‘Ah, no thanks’, shake her head and turn away slightly.

Also, nothing very interesting or good usually happens after about 1 or 2, so she can leave without worrying.

Some people might disagree with this as they see it as condoning underage drinking, but when DS1 was 16-17 we gave him some bottles of beer to take with him. That way he knew what and how much he was drinking. When he had a beer in his hand, he found it easier to decline offers of spirits, mysterious punch etc.

This is all terrific advice. Thank you so much.