Is it common not to leave your child with anyone other than their parent?

[oooompa]

I was reading something on Facebook about the pressure on mum's to leave their baby's with relatives "for a break", and was surprised by, in my mind, the extreme responses.

Quite a few people said they would not leave their child with anyone except their dad until the child was old enough to articulate if someone had touched them or behaved inappropriately towards them.

It might be that I'm on the other side (I can't wait for baby's first sleepover just so I can have more than 3 hours of sleep in a row!) but does that not seem quite extreme?

Obviously it's the parents own choice whether to leave their children in the care of someone else, but I couldn't imagine going 2/3/4 years without having even a few hours break whilst LO is being looked after by family.

I did point out that parents who had to work had no choice in the matter, but apparently everyone should be lucky enough to have saved enough to cover one parent staying at home until their child/children are going to school full time!

Is this way of thinking more normal than I think? Maybe I'm just a bad mum who can't wait for a bottle of wine, bath and an early night with no interruptions?

I think perimeters of a child choice are interesting.

A child may choose things on basis of families wealth, experience, opportunity but that parent may choose to curtail that child's choice for their own reasons.

If a parent doesn't even let them know they had a choice, that's still curtailing that choice. It's something parents do on all sorts of parenting choices from..

I want to go to the park..

Oh darling we can't today it's closed.. When it isn't to deeper choices.

I didn't feel ready until mine had stopped breastfeeding around 2. However, nobody asked to have them overnight until they were 4 ish, and then only once a year. I read about these grandparents that beg to have their grandchildren stay over with green eyes.

I’ve only been separated from my DC1 once, and that was for the two nights I was in hospital having DC2. She stayed with my parents and I trusted them completely to take excellent care of her, which they did. I don’t think she was bothered about having me back home to be honest . But other than that I’ve just never had a reason to leave either of my DC.

Each to their own though, everyone’s circumstances and needs are different.

My dd's paternal grandparents gave had a very active role in helping us bring her up since she was a few months old. I thought it was normal in many families/cultures?

I think it helps a child later on if they still out from a young age.

Children who are always around their parents may struggle to "let go" as they get older.

It teaches children that lots of homes and rules/routines are different.

It builds character too! Most children are themselves at home but are completely different staying out.

I personally believe it's a good thing!

I don't have kids but DNephew has stayed with DH & I a few times overnight and we've watched him through the day quite a few times too (he's 2). I love it! It's a really nice opportunity to bond with him and get a chance to play with him one-to-one.

DNephew loves coming to play too and spends a lot of time with his paternal grandparents as well. I think it's a lovely thing to allow children to bond with their wider family.

Winner, its like boarding school kids saying... Boarding has given us that confidence to do blah. Millions of dc get same stuff without being sent off to boarding school. Or my dc were in nursery since birth so they are not clingy.

Some dc can become more clingy if they are sent somewhere they don't like!!

It's all dependant on the dc isn't it. Many will trot off very happily on thier own because they felt 100 %secure within their home.

Morethan I know all children are different etc. I have a DD who never wants to leave my side but has stayed at her dads or her paternal grandparents since a year old, yet her my other DDs can't wait to leave for the weekend.

My point wasn't to belittle the ones who don't stay out, but give my opinion, which is that I believe it can help.

I think it's good if you have family whom you trust.

We live overseas from our families, and while I think MIL and FIL are sensible, grounded people, they've met DS (22 months) over the course of four holidays that were a week or two long each. DS can't reliably identify them and doesn't really know who they are. They know nothing about what makes him tick, and they aren't interested in sticking to feeding him a diet that doesn't include things he's allergic to. I'm not planning to leave him with them just so I can go out for the evening.

My parents know DS even less, think allergies are about bad parenting and spoilt children, and think the appropriate way to respond to an 18-month-old crying in distress is to get down to his level and scream at him for being a little sh*t making too much noise, and threaten to hit him, demonstrating "you're next" by smashing a mug down on a table so hard it breaks. Having grown up with that kind of thing, I smile and say nothing when my mother bitches at me because "she's not allowed to touch him" when I say "no thanks" to offers of babysitting.

Given all that, I haven't really felt the need to develop a relationship with a trusted babysitter. He can go for sleepovers when he's older.