I feel disillusioned with my life

[Cloud9Until6am]

I should be happy - I have two wonderful kids and a loving husband. House in a nice area, family close by etc. But I'm not happy.

Both dc are under 3 and are lovely but very demanding. I'm fed up of having my hair pulled, being head butted and hit (largely accidently I should say), having clothes covered in food, mud, puke and yesterday: shit.

The house is a fucking mess - we moved in recently and it's damp, wallpaper hanging off the walls and no central heating. Everything is going mouldy ( clothes, food, furniture...)

I never intended to give up work after the dc but had to after the move for financial reasons. My life at the moment is just a cycle of shitty nappies, washing, washing up (what I would do for a dishwasher!) clearing up and other chores. Older dc is in preschool a couple of mornings a week which helps but I still feel like I'm so stuck in a rut

I'm feeling particularly rubbish today as older dc woke up in the night. I tried to settle them but they screamed in my face (angry scream - not upset or scared). DH had a go and settled him straight away. I feel like sahp is a job I don't qualify for

Its really tough being at home with kids. You imagine it’s all play and craft and fun trips out but the reality is a lot of demands being placed on you. Your situation sounds really tough with the new place. Sounds like a dishwasher is a priority!
My tip is to listen to your music (no nursery rhymes!) or even better, podcasts and audiobooks. I look forward to chores when I know I’m going to listen to them! They are little bits of ‘me time’ throughout the day and so valuable.

What is your DH doing other than being loving. Is he practical around the home and kids? If so is he doing enough even?

It sounds like maybe you'd be happier if you could work? If so is there any way to make that happen? Could you work around your DH's hours, or could he drop some hours/work different hours to allow you the opportunity to work too, without needing too much childcare. Maybe SAHM isn't the role for you, there is no shame in that. I know I certainly couldn't have done it.

Touch thanks for the tip I never listen to my own music. Going to break out the iPod I haven't touched since I was in labour With dc1!

DH is v hands on - gets up in the night for them, washes up every evening, tidies, plays with the dc when he's home, does the washing at weekends etc.

He'll be changing his job soon which will give him more time at home (self employed atm so works all hours).

Wish I could work but until dc2 gets his free hours it's just not affordable

Always listen to your own thing! I make my two suffer Test Match Special! Do you rent or own op? Can something be done about the damp?

Sounds like a really tricky time in your life ok! Certainly don't be hard on yourself as well! Can you buggars off for a couple of hours this wkend by yourself? I always worked altho we paid out in childcare exactly the same as what I earned as I couldn't have coped at home all day. Hope u can get the house in a better shape soon.

We own it - DH is putting central heating in before October which should help. Feeling a lot better this evening - had a long chat with DH and he's going to take the kids to granny's while I Do a couple of things for me this weekend