ds sad he has no friends at secondary school?

[woshley]

ds started a secondary that only has 1 person from his primary school at and they never spoke. he says that everyone there has friends and they all stick to their groups and he isnt the most confident person struggles unless someone talks to him and he says he has tried talking to others but they just ignore him. in science and pe, etc. they are often asked to pair up and he never has anyone, its making him really sad. i dont know what to do, he has already cried a few times.

How long has he been there?

oh not long only since the 4th.

It's heartbreaking isn't it? If it was a younger child I usually suggest inviting the kids round, organising swimming, zoo trips etc but I don't know if it works with older DC. Is it worth a try?

This exact same thing happened to my daughter. Only one other girl from her school started and, like your son, they had never had a lot to do with each other. To make matters worse, my daughter’s class was comprised wholly from children from another school (who had been together since they started school at the age of five). To make matters worse, the class had an odd number of children so when they paired up my daughter was still on her own. Some time later on 3 more girls from another school joined and she became friends with them. I feel for your son.

Contact his form tutor as a first port of call, then if not happy with the response his head of yr. The school will have a “head of pastoral care” too but hopefully the form tutor and head of year can help. One of my sons (now yr 8) was the only one from his Primary to start his school. He had a rough start and by Easter we had said we were prepared to move him (to the school most of his Primary went to). He wasn’t sure what he wanted so we said stay until the Summer by which time he had finally settled and no longer wanted to move. Good luck

He'll make friends eventually. There's bound to be someone in his year in a similar position. I remember hating my first few weeks of school, I was so lonely as didn't have any friends then this other girl always seemed to be on her own so I sat next to her in maths class and we clicked, she became my best friend and we ended up with our own little outcast group at lunch and breaktimes lol.

Does he have a phone?

Tell him not to worry, sooner or later he WILL have friends. This happened to my daughter in Yr 7, it's painful at the time but by the time she left she had a fab group of 6 very best friends, still in touch and doing stuff, plus friends throughout the year that meant she was never without anyone to pair up in a lesson.
I'm sure the teachers will soon spot he's not 'in a pair' and use other techniques to pair the class up for activities to avoid this situation, it's what happened with my daughter who was one of only 4 from her primary in an 8 form entry school, and she soon made friends. Is he sporty? Can he join clubs after school?.

It took my ds over a term to make real friends. The first term was full of fall outs and change, with primary friendship groups breaking down (often dramatically!). It’s early days, give it time.
That said, I’d ask the head of year if she could keep an eye on things, and I’d encourage him to join activities in lunch and after school to help him get to know new people he’s got common interests with.
Also, listen to him if after a few months things don’t change, and if he asks to move school it may be worth considering (I never made friends in secondary due to shyness and wish my parents had let me move. It’s way too soon to assume this will be the case for your ds though!)

That is sad indeed. Did he have friends at primary? I would absolutely email his form teacher or call pastoral care and see if they can help out. Teachers don’t always check their emails, or maybe they check and can’t be bothered to respond! Maybe calling is best for now. It must be hard at secondary with no friends so you need to try and get it sorted quickly. Also hard for him to invite people round if they aren’t talking to new people and he isn’t very confident. I hope the school help out, call them today!

It is early days, and things do improve. For the first few weeks, they do tend to stick to who they know, and then they gradually branch out. By the end of year 7 they have mostly moved on from primary friends to new people.

reassure him and tell him to hang on in there. Continue to be friendly to others and it will eventually change.
He is only 1 week in, give it a chance

But do drop the form tutor an email as they can sometimes help.

Are there any lunchtime groups that he could join ? A chess club, computer club, or that sort of thing. Or a sport ? Anything where he'd be with a smaller group , outside of the normal school playground situation.

I know how he feels - I was in that position when I started at secondary school. I knew nobody and was so shy that I couldn't break into any of the existing friend groups. It took about 6 months before a girl I'd been at school with previously, transferred to my school and we became besties. My best wishes to your son.