Tell me all the great things about having an only child!

[JessieMcJessie]

DS is 2 and for reasons that I won’t bore you with, we won’t be having any more children. This makes me a bit sad as I have a great brother and enjoyed family life as a sibling. I also really appreciated my brother being there when our parents passed away, sadly both before the age of 65.

However I can also see lots of advantages for DS and for us- more money to spend on holidays and education, more time and attention for him (he won’t be spoiled though), I can get my career back on track more quickly and I think overall DH and I will be less stressed and have more time to keep fit and eat well and hopefully be there for him as long as we can.

But I still can’t quite shake the feeling that families should have brothers and sisters in them. Can you please help me look on the bright side?

Nothing?

you never have to do night feeds/weaning/potty training/sleep training ever again

Family holidays are cheaper with 3 than four.
No guilt about devoting time to a new born.
More cash to flash on one
Loads of one on one time
Its great!

More time to keep for you and retain your sense of self. I think as each child comes along a little more of you goes...

I'm in the same situation as you, and my Mum was as well (we're not very good at having children in our family!) It must have been more of a disappointment for her as she had a sister and I think she always imagined she would have two children, but she and Dad gave me a great childhood and I honestly never thought about being an only child and the impact it may have had on my life until I had my daughter and people started asking when I intended to have another.

It is a different kind of childhood - only children rely on their parents more for company and as playmates in the early years where as children with siblings will play with each other. It is worth bearing in mind that first children have different childhood experiences to youngest children which might also have a effect on their characters in later life, but this doesn't seem to be discussed as much as the consequences of being an 'only'.

I think most of the bad stereotypes about only children result from those only children who were not really wanted or loved, or conversely those who were spoilt because they were wanted too much. If you are a sensible, loving parent then your child doesn't need to be either lonely or overindulged just because they don't have any siblings.

There always seems to be something to feel guilty about as a mother, but I don't think that the size of your family should be one of them, especially when it isn't through choice. Having one child shouldn't be a big deal. Making sure they can have friends round to play, and having a pet when they are older, if possible, help solve the problems of lack of young company and lack of nurturing opportunity. Other than that just be happy with what you have and try and give you child the happiest, most secure home that you can.

Theres only one of them
I love having an only.

-being related to someone doesn't mean you'll get along
-in every family bar one that I know, the siblings even in middle age argue like cat and dog...and they only see each other a few times a year

Oh my God, the glorious peace and quiet! I am grateful every day that I’ve only got one child if only because my ears aren’t constantly assaulted by bickering and screeching siblings.

You have all the love and attention to give to one child rather than dividing everything into two

Your dc doesn’t have to share a room
You have time to help with homework
When dc is older you can cycle with them at one speed
You have more money to spend on them
When at senior school, if the local authority gives you a place at a failing school, sending them private isn’t quite such a pipe dream.
Childcare/school runs are so much easier.
You are less stressed and therefore a better, kinder mum.

I have an only Ds10 and no chance of another so these are the plus points so far.

I hope car buying &, God help me, university will be easier too.

Children's IQ goes down with each sibling.

I was one of five, my parents couldn't cope, and I see my siblings maybe once a year. I think I would have been much happier as an only.

No bickering, next door have twins the same age as my DD, they seem to be at constant war with one another.

No crazy dashing around to get one child to swimming then the other to Brownies.

You can have spontaneous days out and weekends away, especially when they get older. You don’t need to worry about catering to different ages or tastes.

Only seven years of the primary school run. You’ll come to appreciate that one once your DS starts school.

As a family you comfortably fit into a single hotel room.

I love having an only.

Never have to go through pregnancy and birth again. Never have to go through potty training/learning to walk/toddler tantrums.

It's hard enough juggling work and childcare with one, couldn't imagine doing it with multiple children.

I can afford things like days out and holidays. I couldn't do that with more children.

DS and I have a great bond.

Not having to deal with sibling rivalry and bickering.
Not having to try to divide yourself, being meticulously fair with time and resources.
Not having the guilt of secretly knowing you have a favourite child. (Parents always think they can hide this but it usually shows and the resentment can last a lifetime...).

I used to worry about dd not having siblings until a friend (mother of 3) remarked that she felt like every time she made one child happy, it made another unhappy, at least one of her children was usually disgruntled and it felt impossible to keep all 3 happy at any one time.

There's no perfect option and every route has its own problems. All you can do is try to be a responsible, loving parent.

Thanks everyone, this is all lovely and exactly what I needed. 😀
I especially like the idea of cycling at one speed! I used to love cycling, that has totally fallen by the wayside since having DS, I had sort of forgotten we’d eventually be able to do that together!

I have 2 dc...i swear their constant bickering is responsible for my grey hair.

Your DC will compare his or her life with their mates who have siblings and think "Thank fuck I didn't have to put up with that shit." (well that's what I did).