On the brink NHS worker

[GetSomeGumption]

Completely burnt out NHS worker here, ironically only a few years in so should still be "fresh". Everywhere I look I see people trying their hardest, sacraficing their own time and being shouted at by family members and management. I can understand families being upset, I would be worried for my own family to be in hospital now that I have seen behind the scenes.

Yeaterday I was on call for a speciality. Meant to be 8-8.30. Left at 9.30pm, had to traipse across dark hospital site because my hospital out of the blue closed half of its staff car park (oversubscribed ++ already) and I was parked on a bit of unlit waste ground. If youre not in by 7.20 you dont get a space, and pay £35 a month for the priviledge.

I carry a bleep and a phone taking referrals from GPs, minor injuries in surrounding areas, ED. One person. To answer calls, see patients, take bloods and cannulate, arrange investigations and prescribe meds. Had 25+ referrals yesterday, literally unable to see anyone because whenever I moved to do something a phone went off. We get emails telling us off if we dont answer them.

Had a breakdown and cried at work yesterday. Cried to my senior who provided no support.
I'm so sorry to my patients who I cant see.
I have an hour commute so I left home yesterday at 6.30, pulled up home at 22.45. In again for 8 today and have just received an email from a manager berating me for yesterday.

I can't do this anymore. I feel sick every day before work.

I don’t know what to say. I’m an HCP FOR THE NHS and was feeling much the same before maternity leave. I didn’t want to read and run, I want you to know you are definitely not alone feeling like this. I’d go as far as to say 99% of the people I work with feel the same.

OP, please go straight to your GP and get signed off with stress.
You need a breathing space while you assess whether you can or even want to carry on working like this.

I’ve recently retired from the NHS and I can tell you they are absolute shit at supporting or valuing their staff. You owe the management nothing, and you need to protect your own health. They can find a bloody locum to cover you.
Contact the BMA confidential counselling line if you’re a member - they’re very good.
Longer term, consider whether a less acute specialty might suit you better.

Sending a hug - I spent 36 years in that shit storm, I know exactly how bad the working conditions are.

Being a junior doctor is so brutal and just getting worse. It sounds like you need some support and fast. If your clinical supervisor is not supportive, could you try your educational supervisor or your programme director. Remember to look after yourself as best as possible. How far through training are you? I'm a GP and although the workload is horrendous at least I can choose when and where I work. My heart honestly goes out to you and I don't know what to say to make it any better. If you can somehow get through the training, there is a little light at the end of the tunnel and at least options to do non clinical medicine.

OP it really isn’t worth your well-being to keep going when you feel so low and burnt out.

Put yourself first, no one else will, make decisions that will promote your own wellbeing. Take some time off and recover.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low.

Rainbow, I wouldn’t say it’s getting worse for junior docs, just a different kind of awful! I had to work between 72 and 120 hours a week as a junior, with some resident shifts being Fri morning to Mon evening continuously, then back to work on Tuesday morning for another 32 hours on. I fell asleep in my car, in the cinema, once in the operating theatre, and twice in my dinner.
I think what made it bearable in my day was that there were no computers, emails, checklists, bureaucracy, protocols and targets. Management kept out of our hair and we ran our own departments on purely clinical priorities.
But we had massive clinical responsibility very young and with almost no training.
I was doing emergency call alone as an anaesthetist after just 8 weeks specialist training- my consultant “cover” was at home in bed 12 miles away. It was exhausting and extremely stressful and I recall one colleague being sacked for using controlled drugs and inhaling anaesthetic vapours to the point of unconsciousness, trying to cope with it all. The NHS has never been kind or supportive to its junior staff, and it’s high time for a culture change.

from another NHS worker on the brink.

It isn't you it's them, support in the NHS sucks. It's staffed by bully managers who are just trying to make themselves look good at the expense of anyone who works under them.
I finally quit when it suddenly dawned on me I shouldn't hope for a car accident on the way to work just so I wouldn't have to face the place. I got out ASAP.

OP it's awful.

I had a conversation with NHS colleagues once and so many of us admitted to wishing we'd have a bump in the car to get out of work. I got a new job but the stress in the context remains.

Babdoc. I agree the hours are awful (and always have been) The reason I think it's getting worse are the conditions within the hospital- fewer staff, no beds, constantly overrun, can't do a job for being called to the next one... And morale is just so low. 15yrs ago when I was a junior, the hours were bad and some shifts could be awful but I think we all believed deep down we'd chosen a good profession and morale was better than I hear from the juniors now. It's just shit all round. Hope you are having a decent day today OP.

I feel for you OP, I have been a nurse, midwife and health visitor and while the hours haven’t changed for the “always overworked” junior doctor the demands on them have massively increased. Personally I take my hat off to anyone coping with those hours full stop without the additional pressure you now face.

I am about to complete a Return to Practoce course but wild horses wouldn’t drag me back into a hospital environment, it really is overwhelming pressure.

Everyone is different and I have seen people who thrive on these hours and the pressure. I couldn’t do it and maybe it’s the same for you and you need to move into a different non hospital based role where the demands are less. I have a friend who struggled massively with his role as a junior doctor and at 33 moved into a staff grade role in psychiatry, it was seen as committing professional suicide but he has no regrets and says it was the best decision he ever made. He’s in his fifties now.

In the meantime you sound like you need some time out to think about what you want to do in the long term.

for you...you are trying to do the job of 3 people alone.

Thank you all. And for those also struggling. I, sadly, still have a few years of hospital training left but I'm aiming for GP. I am under no illusion it doesn't come with its own set of challenges but I will at least be doing something I enjoy, with a desk, chair and working computer (can't take anything for granted in a hospital). I plan on going LTFT once I have got into the in practice side of training).

I bumped into a really good dr the other day who said she feels very apathetic and wants to leave. My good friend who is fabulous and has much professional experience and life experience to bring to the job aims to leave too. We all feel lile we are being set up to fail. You cannot provide the service that we are trained to when you have SO many patients, no support and are burnt out.

The problem is - nothing will change in the NHS until it’s workers finally say ‘screw this’ and quit en mass. The powers that be rely on people’s dedication and good nature.

And ironically NHS workers won't do that because we are (mostly) dedicated to our patients and sacrafice ourselves for them.

I work in one of the few non-privatised NHS labs, and we're constantly under pressure to compete. Jobs are going unfilled, so there are fewer and fewer staff, and as management is trying to bring money in from outside contracts all the time they promise GPs/private hospitals the moon and we somehow have to deliver despite not having the staff to cope with what we've got.

If someone makes a mistake because they're stressed or overtired then they're hauled over the coals - one very good, experienced biomedical scientist was in tears the other day because she was told off for making a mistake since she was having to rush through things and couldn't find anyone to check her work.

The night shifts are the worst - we used to just cover one hospital at night as an emergency service, now we're covering 4 (3 merged plus one extra private hospital) as a full 11 hour shift, and have to do shedloads of routine work too - but still only one person doing it, and getting bleeped by all four hospitals for results, extra tests, urgent samples etc.

Career progression has broken down as the more senior roles are cut out to make room for (cheaper) unqualified staff. There's really not much reason to stay.

Well have an Unmumsnetty hug from me as one junior doctor to another. I had a hideous weekend on call, too much work, not enough time, a difficult colleague and the arrival of my period meaning that I'm not pregnant again this month. Im also in a speciality that gets called for everything and expected to fix it. All that contributed to some toilet crying. Wish I could say it's a one off but it won't be. Try and look after yourself and get some time off if you need it. Is there anyone you could speak to for some support? You shouldn't be being shouted at for struggling with an impossible workload.