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Original poster

Should I feel guilty for sending my daughter to breakfast & after school club?

19 replies

Debhill84 · 10/09/2018 13:08

My daughter who is 4 has just started reception at school, as I work full time my daughter attends breakfast club which starts at 7:45 and after school club until 5:30.
I'm really concerned and feel so guilty that she is at school for such a long time every day as I'm worried she will be to tired to concentrate at school.
Should I feel guilty about this? Sad

OP posts:
LieInRequired · 10/09/2018 13:11

If your DD seems to be coping OK with the hours then do not feel guilty. Many children do longer hours than that at nursery. I know school can take more out of them mentally. So I think it depends on the child - some cope OK, others feel more tired.

My DD2 is moaning at me that she wants to go to after school club more! It is more fun than being at home with me, she says.

Camsie30 · 10/09/2018 13:12

No. Do what you need to do. She will be fine

IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat · 10/09/2018 13:12

Does her father feel guilty?

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Gileswithachainsaw · 10/09/2018 13:13

Don't you dare feel guilty for working and supporting your child!!!

There service wouldn't be there if people didn't use it. You aren't alone

Beamur · 10/09/2018 13:14

Every day?
If you have no choice, then it's what you have to do.
After school clubs aren't like lessons etc, they're mostly play with school friends, so can be fun. She will be tired though.

CadleCrap · 10/09/2018 13:14

Ahh, the guilt of a working Mum, you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t.

She will be fine and it will teach her resilience and independence.

Thinkingallowed85 · 10/09/2018 13:15

It’s a long day for them and they do struggle. But many parents feel they have no choice. Do you have a choice? Me giving my opinion about the developmental needs of children is going to be harsh and unhelpful if you just have to do this. It’s a societal issue that we don’t enable parents to spend more time with their children, it’s something you may not have any or much control over.

On a more helpful note, give her lots of cuddles. Try not to rush around at the weekend. Flowers OP. I’m sure you are doing what is best in your circumstances.

redexpat · 10/09/2018 13:15

Said no scandanavian woman, ever.

grasspigeons · 10/09/2018 13:15

No don't feel guilty.

She isn't 'in school' for a long time. She is in school for the same amount of time as everyone else. The rest of the time she is well thought out professional childcare. She will get to play, sit quietly for a rest, have a snack, some have a bit of TV. The same types of things that children do at home, with childminders, nannies and so on.

Beamur · 10/09/2018 13:16

She's 4, school is mostly play based learning so don't worry about her focus.

Original poster
Debhill84 · 10/09/2018 13:17

She used to go to nursery for similar hours, I'm just concerned that as school is a bit more challenging.
Her dad says we are doing what we can.
I wish I could cut my hours down but due to finances it's not possible.

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 10/09/2018 13:20

YOU SHOULD BE SO ASHAMED! PARENT FAIL!

Sorry, bad joke Blush

You are doing the best for your daughter. Last year i did zumba at ds' school, it was 1 hour after class and they looked after the children for you. Ds basically had an extra hour running about the playground with his mates, he loved it. He loved it so much that he was very sad he couldn't stay an extra hour EVERY day!

DC accept the breakfast and afterschool clubs as a normal part of their schoolday.

We don't have a helpful grandparent or anyone to pick DS up once a week or anything.

As usual 'a mother's place is in the wrong' Flowers

Miladymilord · 10/09/2018 13:22

Does your dh feel guilty?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 10/09/2018 14:03

If there’s really nothing you can do to change the situation then don’t waste energy worrying about it. Use that energy to show her how much you love her when you are with her. If she did it at nursery it won’t be very different anyway so she will be fine.

AviatorShades · 10/09/2018 14:09

Ds nagged to go to school on saturday morning, when he was 4, after he realised that a lot of his friends did.
Lots more fun playing with his mates than home with me, the cat, dog and tortoises(in season), apparently.
Could quite see his pointSmile

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/09/2018 14:12

We did similar with our youngest and it was fine. As they were used to it from nursery they had no problems adjusting to doing the same at school. Don't worry about it, you do what you can to keep your family financially stable.

pumpkinyael · 10/09/2018 14:13

Yes, I'll second this. Does your DH feel guilty? If he doesn't, why? Is it because he doesn't love her as much as you do? Because he isn't as concerned with her wellbeing?

Or is it because society doesn't condition him to feel guilty?

It sounds like you're doing the best for you family (which obviously includes your DD). :)
Show her how much you (plural you, you and your DH) love her in the evenings, on weekends, when you're on holiday etc and try to stop worrying :)

Strawberrytraveller · 10/09/2018 14:14

Its there designed for parents to use.

7.45-9am, and 3-5.30pm will be more play, snacks, time with friends than full on school.

However a suggestion if you have space would be to look at getting an au -pair. You do need a spare bedroom though. .

Or use an afterschool nanny just one afternoon per week say Wednesday to break the week up. It wouldn't be too costly just for 3 hours per week.

InDubiousBattle · 10/09/2018 14:17

No I don't think you should feel guilty. If you need to work then you need to work.

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