Overthinking and need perspective.

[Undercoverbanana]

I have MH problems. I am currently off sick after a bad anxiety attack.

I find my job petty and disinteresting and do not like the people (they look down on me). There are things about it that trigger my anxiety. Don’t want to say to much as it could be outing. However, the money, for what I do, is not too bad. £21.5k. Pension.

I know the job is not good for my MH.

Whilst off sick I applied for a job with a local branch of a major supermarket. I want to do something active, people-facing and that has an immediate sense of completion - a filled shelf, a queue cleared etc. This sense of completion is good for my MH as opposed to the endless beaucratic monotony of my current job. I have an interview at the supermarket. The money is about £18k.

I can walk to work and will have a uniform - big money savers. Less pay also equals less tax and NI too,

My DP earns £75k. I already have massive insecurity issues about this imbalance. I currently live in his house, sharing bills, until such time as we get somewhere together when we are both ready. I have a large deposit to offer (my half of my previous home with my ex). The disparity still terrifies me.

Also the supermarket job will entail irregular shifts which is not a problem in itself (adult children, own transport etc) but I have some hobbies which are very important to my physical and mental health and I am worrying (perhaps over-obsessively) about this.

Please talk some sense to me.

Take it on step at a time. Go for the interview, see how you feel. Don't think too far ahead right now. If your partner loves you that extra bit of cash (and it's isn't that much in the grand scheme of things) won't matter

Thank you sourpatchkid - is that what you would do?

Try to stay in the moment - it usually helps

Overall I'd take the job that makes me happiest. That's all that matters

I can't see a problem. Life's too short to do a job that makes you unhappy, OP. Don't worry about the disparity in earnings, but do make sure the house that you buy is put in joint names

sourpatchkid - staying in the moment is a problem for me. My brains fires off in all directions all the time. I am very jittery and anxious. I worry that it wouldn’t make me happy because the problem with my current job is, at least partly, down to my MH and I would just be taking the problem elsewhere for less money and benefits.

Singlenotsingle - thank you - yes house would be in joint names. Underneath all my MH issues I am very sensible and pragmatic.

I'd also go for the interview and see how you feel after . Sometimes you get a vibe and know if it's going to be for you or not . When money is involved I try and break it down to a daily figure - you'd be earning about £3000 less , which very very roughly is £9.50 a day less .

If you're happier at work , it might not have such a big impact if you can't do some of your hobbies .

Practical thinking Oddcat. Thank you.

How much do you pay for your commute? Work out what this is gross to see what your actual drop in pay is.

You can get some sort of tax break for washing uniform too, I think. Maybe look into it?

I currently drive to work. It’s only 4 miles. Car park is £15.00 per month deducted from salary.

I'm not sure your dislike for your current job is due to your mental health. It doesn't sound like a very nice place to work. Don't underestimate the impact that can have on the way you feel

My household has similar circs, in that I earn about 7x what DW earns (she works PT).

When DW hated her job, I fully supported her in leaving and getting something better. There was a gap between the jobs, which was fine.

sourpatchkid - it’s difficult to get perspective when you feel anxious and jittery all the time. I know paranoia creeps in too. The fact that I’m sitting around starring at a screen means that I can’t release any of the tension that builds up. I need to be more active.

So many of my friends have “careers” and enjoy their work and feel really committed to it. I feel like such a flake. Such an underachiever. The disparity with DP is such an issue.

topcat2014 - but how did she feel about that? How do you divide the bills with such a disparity? What if you say “hey - let’s do this!” And she says, “I can’t. I don’t have that kind of money.” Where does that leave you both? I can’t get my head round it.