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Original poster

Dd so distressed since starting school. How do I help her?

20 replies

NickyNora · 10/09/2018 09:43

Dd 4 started school last Wednesday. She's cried every day. Sad
She begs me to stay at home every day.
I've never seen dd like this.

My heart is breaking for her.

Dd is my 6th dc. I've never had this problem with any of the other dc.

I need to help dd but I'm running out of ideas.

Before school started we did a work book, read lots of stories to her about starting school. Visted school 6/7 times for prep sessions.

Since school has started so far I've used distractions & incentives but they aren't helping much.

Please any advice appreciated.

TIA.

OP posts:
Rainbowtrees · 10/09/2018 09:45

Is there any possibility she could go part the me until she settles a bit better, it sounds like it too overwhelming for her at the moment.

ShowOfHands · 10/09/2018 09:48

My ds really struggled at first but crucially, was fine once I'd left the school premises. Does she settle once you've gone? Can she tell you what it is that worries her?

Original poster
NickyNora · 10/09/2018 09:50

No. It was full days from the start.
I have experience of my older dc having extended part time placements in mainstream.
Rarely is it successful.

I feel like i need to do more for her.

OP posts:

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Original poster
NickyNora · 10/09/2018 09:51

Tbe staff says she settles.

She can't explain why she doesn't like it. She just says she wants to be with meSad

OP posts:
123fushia · 10/09/2018 09:55

If she isn’t 5 until Spring or Summer term, it may be possible to ask for half days for a couple of weeks. Extend when she feels more settled. Ask the teacher. My nephew did this - July birthday. It isn’t usual but exceptions should be made when the need arises.

Myfanwyprice · 10/09/2018 09:55

The Works sell small stone hearts, I got one for my very anxious son, give it a kiss and put it in her pocket, she can rub it to remind her you’re thinking about her. Having something of you with her might help.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/09/2018 09:58

Some children (and adults) are more anxious than others.

My ds has just started year 10 and we still have tears before a new term, though he’s much better than he was. Instead of taking away what is making him anxious, we just help him develop skills to deal with the anxiety.

littleducks · 10/09/2018 09:59

My son was younger but I did a similar thing for nursery. Put my kisses on a passport photo of me for his pocket. He called it his 'little mama.'

In hindsight a keyring that would attach to trouser loop might have been better as he kept loosing them....but dud show when he no longer needed it as he didn't care it was lost.

HappydaysArehere · 10/09/2018 10:03

When I was teaching four year olds always started by attending half days. Some only mornings and some afternoons. A whole day is a lot to expect some children to cope with. Some children became very tired in the afternoon. The morning children were gradually offered lunch if they wished to extend the time. Playtimes were also separate from the rest of the school.

RedPencil · 10/09/2018 10:05

When I was a child my mum gave me her handkerchief and put it in my pocket. She said whenever i missed her I should touch it and know that she was thinking of me and that I would see her very soon.

I don't remember this but my mum said it helped me a lot. Could you do something like this? Poor little mite.

Pinkkahori · 10/09/2018 10:11

My second dd was like this. It took her a long time to settle.
I got her some 'bravery drops' which were some sort of homeopathic thing for children. I also drew a little heart on her wrist every morning and it definitely helped a little.
The only thing that really worked was time. Reception was awful, Yr 1 was better and by Yr 2 she went to school everyday without giving it a second thought.
Her Yr1 teacher was amazing with her, much better than the Reception teacher and that made a difference too.
Is her teacher understanding of the situation?

MrsJBaptiste · 10/09/2018 10:19

My son was like this when he started reception at just 4 years old. He'd get up, be fine and then remember it was school and we'd have tears all the way and the teacher would have to peel him off me. Luckily we weren't allowed into school so he was led off and I couldn't do anything about it. That sounds harsh but I thought it much better than extending the crying and making it even harder for him to leave me.

The reception teachers were lovely and told him it was absolutely fine for him to stand with them at playtimes as I think it was this he struggled with the most. He's always liked structure and knowing what is happening and where! After a couple of weeks she pulled me over to say that he told her he was going off to play and wouldn't need to stand with her anymore and the tears stopped too. The relief!

I really feel for you, it's so hard when you see all the other children merrily skipping into the playground and you know that yours just doesn't want to be there. It will pass though but it's difficult at the time.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/09/2018 10:23

Sympathies as my DD was like this in reception, she cried every day until the May half term. It was a shock as she had loved her pre-school, and her twin sister was with her so you'd think that would have helped.

However, she loved year 1. From day 1 in that year she went in fine and thrived.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 10/09/2018 11:40

I’m not sure that, having started, deferring until next term or going part time, would be a good idea. That will give her the idea that you can choose whether you go to school or not.

I do think the ideas about photos, handkerchiefs etc are good ones.

MrsGrindah · 10/09/2018 11:50

That’s was me when I started school! It was simply I just wanted my Mum and I was scared she wouldn’t come back. But I ended up loving school.Teachers just used to distract me and also paired me up with a calmer child.Going part time wouldn’t have solved anything.

notthe1Parrot · 10/09/2018 11:54

A handkerchief with a few drops of your perfume on it. Can be easily taken out of a pocket or from up a sleeve for reassurance.

Mishappening · 10/09/2018 11:59

Four is very young - four is probably too young for her. All children are different. Four short years ago she was a bundle of cells and now she has to cope with all this.

Go for part time if you can; after making sure that there are no problems in school that she should reasonably be expected not to like.

One of my DCs was like this - the saying that any family is as happy as its saddest member certainly resonates with me! Eventually we took her out and sent her to a Steiner school for a few years - the regime suited her much better.

They can't all be the same I guess.

Elflocks · 11/09/2018 21:56

Hope things improve for you soon, op Flowers

HettieBettie · 11/09/2018 21:59

Transitional object?

Morethanthisprovincallife · 11/09/2018 22:03

Agree its too much. If you can delay the start I would.
If you can't then I think school needs to do more.

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