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Is this too harsh?

13 replies

TechnologicalAbyss · 10/09/2018 06:57

Fighting the losing battle against technology! DH bought a Nintendo a year ago and the DC have been obsessed with it since. DH of course likes it because it give him peace and quiet (once he gives in and they stop nagging for it). It seems to be all they talk about, DD(6) is constantly telling us what "her boy" has done. When they play together it is sword fighting goblins etc etc . We have banned them from talking about the game at the meal table.

This weekend, we said no gaming and included the iPad in that. DS(8) threw a temper because he didn't want to go out on his bike, refused to get dressed then hid. Discovered he had unplugged his iPad from charging and was hiding in his room with it. I took it and said he wouldn't have it this week. When we got back from the bike ride, he asked DH for the Nintendo as he'd done so well on his bike. DH said yes.

This morning, DS got up at 530 and asked for TV. I said no, it's too early and told him to go back to bed. He said "No, I'm going to look at a book here." (sofa). I stayed in my bed (getting up just confirms to him that it's morning) and then heard him go back to his room. I thought he'd got bored, realised I was serious and gone back to bed. He came back through at 630 and asked for the tv. I asked if he'd gone to bed, he said yes, so I said he could.

Now, I find DD's iPad on the arm chair. It lives on the top of the cupboard. He had climbed up to get it, taken it to his room and only came out once the battery was flat.

He always turns the tv on at lunch time (comes home for lunch) and tries in the afternoon, but they're not allowed it until after 5pm.

I have said:
his iPad is staying in the attic for a month and if he touches DD's again I shall add a week to it.
There will be no lunch time tv this week, nor morning tv. If he makes a fuss over it, no evening tv.

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 10/09/2018 07:02

No. They need time to relearn how to be a child without technology again. He will get through the other side and rediscover other things. Consider taking all ten out of the house and stash it at a friend of yours so no one can give in. The disobedience and sneaking needs to be dealt with or it may develop into stealing from purses etc

thethoughtfox · 10/09/2018 07:02

All tec!

TechnologicalAbyss · 10/09/2018 07:08

The disobedience and sneaking needs to be dealt
I think I made it clear that this is why he is being punished. He is autistic and ADHD so I never know how much he understands. TV at lunch time seems to calm him as I know school is very stressful for him. But it's turning into an obsession. He has always been atrocious at entertaining himself.

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Sirzy · 10/09/2018 07:10

Sounds like a punishment handed out in anger not one thought through really!

As you have just said you don’t even know if he understands then yes it really is harsh and isn’t going to tackle the underlying issue

TechnologicalAbyss · 10/09/2018 07:14

Sounds like a punishment handed out in anger not one thought through really!

I realise that. That's why I'm asking. What would you do?

He realises his iPad has gone. But he had forgotten why. I don't know how much concept of time he has, whether he really understands that no tv this week means none tomorrow, day after etc. My general rule is that they don't get iPads or the during the week, except DD is allowed hers whilst DS has appointments (she has to wait in the corridor outside), no Nintendo during the week. They more or less accept this.

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 10/09/2018 07:16

His issues make this different. You can't punish a child for behaviour they can't control.

NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 07:19

It wasn’t clear that was the reason for the punishment in your op. And that sort of thing can escalate to stealing in my experience.

You could try something visual for him. Telling doesn’t always cut it with asd/adhd.

I don’t mean you need stick men or something, but if he reads well, try writing down the tech rule and boundaries, point by point?

Refer back to them, and encourage dh to do the same. This will be ds to process and dh to back you up consistently.

NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 07:21

His issues make this different. You can't punish a child for behaviour they can't control.

Asd/adhd does not give a free pass for poor behaviour choices. To neglect to discipline on this basis is doing a child a severe disservice. Op had to do something and is now looking for advice to finely tune that reaction and Teuton resolve the issue.

NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 07:23

and Teuton...?

I don’t even know what that autocorrected.

NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 07:23

“ and try to!”

Sirzy · 10/09/2018 07:25

Nobody is saying it gives a free pass, however it does mean a very different approach is needed, ideally one the child actually understands!

TechnologicalAbyss · 10/09/2018 08:03

Silly me! Should have though of Teuton myself Grin

He is not a fan of reading.

Nobody is saying it gives a free pass, however it does mean a very different approach is needed, ideally one the child actually understands!
Yes, I get that, Sirzy. But telling me twice it was a crap reaction on my part doesn't actually help! If I thought it was the right thing to have done I wouldn't have questioned myself and I wouldn't have posted.

OP posts:
TechnologicalAbyss · 10/09/2018 11:54

He (they) have accepted it so far and are playing a board game together Shock Both playing different rules by the sound of it so no idea how long peace will last! I'm not wanted because I know the proper rules Grin

OP posts:
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