Bloody perfect Instagram parents

[Dobbythesockelf]

Is it just me or could all these perfect parents that blog and post on social media, especially 'celebrity' parents, be really damaging to young mothers/parents.
Breastfeeding a 2 month old means I spend a bit of time scrolling through social media at 3am. And all these Instamum's piss me off. It's just all so unrealistic for your average person. For example 1 celebrity parent going on about how they need to be more productive with their time now they have a 2 week old, then in the next breath showing off how they cooked a roast for a group of people while breastfeeding etc. Going on about how hard they work while looking after a baby when in reality they are privileged enough to be able to work from home for a couple of hours a day at most.
I was just sat here eating my pizza that I had ordered in cause I CBA to cook cause I am tired and my 3 year old thinks 6am on a Sunday is morning,and I thought if I was struggling with a newborn baby and I was constantly been bombarded with these sort of posts and images it could seriously damage my mental health

I know the realities of parenting but these posts never show the days where you are covered in wee or sick. Or the days when you are so tired that you yelled at your toddler for following you to the bathroom. Is it just me that thinks these so called perfect parents are actually more damaging than helpful?

Not really - I think we all need to just bear in mind that it's smoke and mirrors.

Unfollow! Yes, they can make you feel like shit. But you are not shit, and you’re also not using your kids as a prop to make photos of a pretend-perfect life so strangers can validate you. So there’s that

YABU, just because they're doing stuff or have prettier things, doesn't mean you have to have it too. Be confident being you instead.
Plus you know it'll all be staged for IG, right? They've no doubt kicked all the crap out of the way so it's not in the shot and/or stuck filters on to make it look even better may or may not have done this myself before

Just to point out it doesn't make me feel bad really but I can imagine if I had seen it all when I had my 1st and had postnatal depression how crap it would have made me feel as I could barely get dressed never mind anything else.

But a lot of it isn't real . Surely you know this?

It's just media, like advertising, where things are presented in a certain way. Or a hobby for them. You could wonder where they find the time and energy, but realistically, almost no-one's life is like that.

There are plenty of exaggerated piss taking 'this is awful and I'm making such a mess of this' parenting blogs that revolve around alcohol, CBeebies and chicken nuggets if that makes you feel better?

Of course I know it's not real I'm not an idiot. I am just saying that in the throes of my postnatal depression things like that would have made me feel horrible. And that surely if we say that social media is damaging to body image in young women it can also be damaging in lots of different ways. If you read the comments on these posts you see young women saying things about wishing they could be as good of a mum, how they make parenting look so easy, how when they have kids they hope to have a family life like that. Some people will and do view these social media stars as the basis of how they wish their lives will be.
Again I'm not an idiot I understand how these things work, i was just wondering if they put the pressure on new mum's even more.

Yanbu. The only time I've ordered in pizzas was when I was bf my youngest. Even a ready meal seemed like too much for a while.
I don't have Instagram but from the odd peek I suspect it's all smoke and mirrors.

Just don't follow them! It's really easy to avoid this sort of stuff.

Yanbu - I had to unfollow so many when I realised it was actually just being used as a selling platform.

I felt a bit of an idiot falling for it really.

Instagram have tried to make tiles so that people say when they are advertising something but it doesn't stop the overly fake set up shots portraying the perfect families.

In this day an age social media has a major effect on people's mental well being when it's believed to be real.

I look back over my own Instagram posts, it looks lovely.
But it's a tiny snapshot into my life as I obviously pick pictures that I'd want to share.

I only post once every few weeks at the most so no one taking a brief overview would have any clue of the stress, near mental breakdowns, the therapy I have and everything else that is a part of life I suffer through.

If I know that about my own, small lowly page, i know it even more so on the instamum bloggers who are making money from it

I fully agree with you OP. It's very damaging even if people do realise it not "real life". I ended up deleting all social media when my son was a few months old because, even though I was wise to it, I just couldn't stand the posts and "perfect lives" people and celebs were projecting. I'm loads happier since I've deleted everything!

I think social media has such enormous influence, and I agree that it is damaging to self esteem. While you know that it is a 'highlight reel' and the perfect glossy lives you see are not a totally honest reflection of reality, it is hard to apply that rationality when you are, as you say, scrolling at 3am exhausted from breast feeding a baby with the chaos of a less than tidy house to contend with the next day. Looking at others who are managing to get shit done/'living their best life' when you feel like you are treading water and struggling it feels horrible. As our society in the U.K. Is so incredibly unequal I think these influencers are irresponsible and thoughtless at best, and intentionally profiteering off vulnerable people at worst. These women are selling you crap you don't need by portraying an aspirational lifestyle, more often than not they come from a particularly privileged background, selling to women who are far from it. They are glorified MLMers, and work off the back of convincing their followers that buying the shite they promote will make them happy. My advice would be sack off Instagram during night feeds, download the kindle app and read something worthwhile. I managed to kid myself I liked scrolling through Instagram, when actually it just made me feel inadequate and crap, switching to reading a book with actual meaningful content will help, at least it did for me. And try and select better people to follow, there are plenty of accounts not selling stuff and promoting positivity rather than mindless consumerism.

Definitely damaging. I followed a few maternity sites and all they posted were people who looked like a size 8 with a small bump stuck on. Fab that some people retain their figure like that but I'm not one of them. I have stretch marks everywhere, my boobs look ruined (I hate them), I have water Retention, brown marks all over my skin, nipples have gone a weird non nipple shape, I'm hairy, hair is brittle, I could go on.... social media made me feel so much worse until I realised I didn't need to look at it.

If anyone knows of any Instagram pages that show a realistic image of pregnant/new mums and their bodies I would love to follow as I'm down in the dumps!

That's what I mean that even if rationally you know that it's all smoke and mirrors, its hard to apply that when you are depressed or struggling. Social media is a massive influence now, my teenage niece lives her life through social media in one form or another, when I was a teenager we loved pop stars, actors etc she loves 'influencers' so you tube stars, bloggers etc. It's very easy to say unfollow, as it is the obvious thing to do but I think it's becoming so ingrained in young people especially that a lot of people don't see how negative it's making them feel for quite a while.
I only follow a couple of them, mainly based on other factors but I was flicking through the suggested posts/people and I realised how much perfection was being sold. I was bored I suppose. My own page is probably as bad but I'm not an 'influencer' making money off of selling perfection.

IG, infact all social media is a wonderful idea but sadly misused by many. People are either living fabulous fulfilling lives where every aspect is perfect
Or they are living out drama
No one is just at home washing the dog or unblocking the sink.
These people have always been around but sm makes it easier to create the illusion and convince others that this is what they aspire to.
Unfortunately it does have an impact on followers , while it’s easy to say it’s not real and it’s the same as advertising, which is true, far too many get sucked in, trying to create the fairytale they’ve been shown

cherryaide I like January Harshe’s ‘takebackpostpartum’ account. Might be just the job for you? Jadebeallphotography is also good.

And sensible fitness/recovery wise I like pelvicfloorpatrol and the mummy coach (cringey name but she’s funny and fierce and informative)

You need to remember that behind the photos there’s probably a struggling new mum sobbing her heart out because the photograph she wanted didn’t go to plan...

It's all bullshit. Unfollow or look.at more positive and realistic posts (kittens and puppies ) slowly as the algorithm catches up you'll be shown fewer annoying ones.

Delete Instagram, it really is a load of codswhallop. I live near a "so called influencer" - and their life is nothing like what they post. They live in a two up two down terrace, constantly screaming at their kids, but dress like they live in Monte Carlo & obviously have a very impressive camera - makes their house look huge!

It's just a bizarre charade, would be quite sad, but they aren't a nice person in real life - so let them spend every spare penny on an illusion for the sake of a small product placement fee - apparently that makes them successful And yes the one near me is a MLM as well 😱

I'd rather spend my money on my family, not a fake career. Instagram is just an advertising tool now, it's very fake, so there is no way to become something that isn't real in the first place. Best avoided, until it has real people on it. Now that would interest me and make me far more inclined to buy placed products.

You can bet your last penny that these perfect family accounts are not totally perfect behind closed doors. Everyone has their dramas and battles behind closed doors. Try not to compare yourself too much. If it's getting you down then unfollowed them.

I agree. I have MH problems and had to unfollow these kind of people because it just makes me feel shit.

Two children in and I've never once follow an "instamum".

In fact scrap that. I am instamum. My children cry/shit/roll over/draw a picture I'm there in an instant.

If new mums didn't follow "instamums" then there wouldn't be anyone fuelling their facade.

I have read it's been shown by psychologists that social media in bringing us more people to compare ourselves to IS damaging to mental health.

almostchristmasagain's post shows the reality that may lurk behind the "perfection".

Don't let yourself be manipulated.

It doesn't surprise me that it's damaging. After all it was just last week I read an article that said that people were getting cosmetic surgery to look more like Snapchat filters...