Trigger warning - discussing abuse
I am in a really tricky situation, which I want to handle with sympathy and compassion, but equally my children's safety remains the top priority. My parents have fostered for a long time, they currently have a boy who has been with them for some time, we know him well and he's part of the family. He is 15. He was extremely badly sexually abused as a child, we're talking horrendous, horrendous stuff and it has without doubt impacted on his emotional and social development. Maturity wise he is similar to a 7 year old in his attitudes, play etc, so very under developed, and emotionally very young (often exhibits almost toddler type behaviours). The issue is he his started to exhibit very concerning sexualised behaviours and this has happened in front of my children (single incident only), for example erection, fiddling with self and defecating whilst erect, etc. My children (4, 6 & 7) were completely unaware of this event and were removed from the situation immediately. I've had extensive conversations with my children and very confident nothing further has occurred. I'm concerned 'playing' with my children, who as I say are on a similar maturity level as he is triggered this response in him. I should also say that play between the children has always been closely monitored given his maturity etc, but not under complete 110% supervision! Now I feel we need to reduce/stop contact between this child and my children, and feel uncomfortable leaving my children with their grandparents without us present and never to let him be alone with them. I recognise this boy is a victim, and needs support and don't want to demonise him, but feel the risk of continued contact between he and my children is too great but reducing contact with child obviously means contact with grandparents is reduced as a consequence. My parents think I'm over reacting, but acknowledge the contact needs greater supervision and the boy is being referred for further help. I'm really trying not to over react, and think carefully, logically and compassionately for all involved about this. The children all get on very well and consider each other family. My children have not seen child since this incident occurred. How would you move forwards? No contact at all, which I think would have a detrimental impact on the other child, or highly supervised contact, and how best to manage this - continuing as normal is not an option........ I need outside views....