Giving up activities - who decides? You or DC?

[Domino211]

Just wondering how much power you give to your DC in deciding on after school clubs to continue with/give up?

DS1 is 10 and just started year 6. Last year he was in the school newspaper club and also choir, held on different days after school.

This year they are on same day so he has to decide which to drop. He wants to drop choir, I would rather he dropped newspaper.

The newspaper is a fun club, they produce it twice per half term and a mixture of articles and games. He really enjoys it and all the children are very proud of what they produce.

Choir he is one of only 4 boys who do it out of 24 and so gets the opportunity for solos. They’ve done a few events where we live. Last year they entered a country wide competition and came 2nd so are pretty good for a primary school choir. (To add we aren’t in UK, somewhere much smaller so although they were great they aren’t the next world famous singers!!!). He enjoys choir but does get a bit nervous before performances. I think it’s been, and will continue to be, great for his confidence and they have the potential to do really well which he’d get a lot out of being part of. I think he might regret being involved once events start happening again.

I haven’t told him my views just said we’d talk about it later with DH when he gets home.

Would you let him decide?

Tricky! Like you I’d rather he did choir but probably wouldn’t go as far as forcing him.

I would point out everything to him as you've done here, but ultimately leave it up to him. It would be a good learning opportunity for him in making choices. He might find he regrets giving up choir and wants to join again. Presumably he could do that later in the term if need be? If you persuade him into going along with your choice against his inclination, there's a chance he'll lose interest altogether and it will become a chore rather than an activity he genuinely gets something out of.

Choir would be easier to find as an out of school activity if he wanted to continue singing (at least it would be in the UK, not sure about where you are).

In your case where he has to drop one, I'd let him drop whichever one he wanted. Both those clubs are ultimately for fun (not something like swimming, which I would insist they keep up until of a certain standard). It sound like the newspaper is equally something he would be proud of and would build confidence, so not even sure of your reasoning.

Unfortunately no he can’t join choir at a later date, apparently once they’ve decided that’s it.......

He’s generally really well behaved and sensible so I think we need to start letting him have a bit more input and control. He works really hard at school so maybe a fun club is more productive anyway as then it’s a bit of a release from all the other lessons?? DH thinks we should just tell him no and that’s it.......

Redsky- a lot of the confidence has come from the performing aspect I think which he doesn’t get in the newspaper. When he started at the school 18 months ago he was quite shy so would never have had the confidence to sing in front of hundreds of people! Whether it’s just choir or growing up though?

I would imagine telling him he has to do choir would just lead to resentment (and he may therefore make no effort and not enjoy it).

You would also be basically playing the "we know what's best for you because we are your parents" card, which is never going to go down well. Why not let him potentially make the "wrong" decision and see what happens? Is not doing choir really a big deal? You sound more invested in the group than DS is!

If he's dropping a club, is there a potential to pick up something different on another day?

Clubs are for fun.
It won't be fun if he's being forced to do it.

They decide. Why would I force them to participate in an activity when they don't want to? That would be really odd.

He should decide. He's old enough and he's the one who has to do the activity. Also there's no surer way to make someone loath something than by forcing them to do it.

I wouldn’t force him to do something he didn’t want to do! Ideally he wants to do both but timings mean he can’t.

Yes there’s lots of other after school clubs on different days that he would do anyway

I agree it sounds like you enjoy his choir success far more than he does.

Let him chose

It's his life so his choice. I'd never tell my DCs what optional clubs they should do .

My eldest often refused to go to school, so no way was I going to battle about him doing other stuff. Only swimming have I pushed hard, and not after they got to 10yo or so. By 10yo, DC decide about going to clubs or not.

School clubs, they choose. Before, lunchtime & after school. The only time I get involved is if it clashes with an out of school club/lesson which I will change if possible. If I can’t, then we discuss it and see which club/lesson they’ll never drop/do.

Your DH thinks you should just say ‘no’ to him dropping choir (and continuing on with the newspaper as he wishes). Does your DH go on a power trip over everything? Does he always live vicariously? It’s your DS’s FUN activity, not GCSE courses (and even then, it should be a discussion).