New dad new to mumsnet,

[Numberista]

Hi all,

I just recently signed up to this, having become a dad for the first time in july 2018 to a fantastic baby boy (who my fiancee and i love to bits).

I am loving fatherhood but have found the pressure of work/parenting/drop in wages as a result of partner not working to be quite full on. It has led to a few arguments between myself and my fiancee, who is a great mum, as we are both slightly irritable.
I realise these won't go away (more chance of teaching a jellyfish to tapdance).

I suspect this is a normal phase but have recently felt a sense of overwhelmedness (is that even a word?!?!?!). As i type this however i am feeling a sense of relief for opening up.

I am not sure what i am looking for but i just wanted to ask the question as to how others cope etc.

I had spoke to the hr department at my work, they were fecking useless so am opening the floor here.

Best wishes to all posters and parents

Gary

Hi Gary and welcome.

Maternity leave and drop in income is stressful, but eventually your partner will be working again. It’s tough now, and children do cost (lots of) money but it does get easier financially. Just keep that in mind...this stressful time will pass, so enjoy your baby rather than worry!

In the meantime, there are ways to cut down on costs. eBay is great for bundles of kids clothing and other baby/child stuff like toys. Aldi do great nappies, if you are using disposables, and their food is cheap too so going there (or Lidl) can save you lots. If you and your partner can sit down together and work out a budget, it might help.

Hi Gary. Are you relatively late to new parenthood ? It can be tricky to get used to the new reality when you have had 50+ years of just looking after number one.

First off, hold onto the fact it gets better! Our eldest was One Of Those Babies (screamed for hours, awful sleeper, the works) and the first three months were honestly the pits. DH did everything he could but I still tore strips off him on a daily basis (exhaustion, hormones, frustration at my own cluelessness). But I promise it gets easier. Ours are now 6 and 3 and its such a bloody relief to leave that phase behind. But definitely try to think of yourselves as a team and keep reminding yourself that your DP has basically had an earthquake go off in her life - that's what held DH and I together through what could have been a really rough period.

AF do you think the OP is Mick Jagger or something 😚

Well he certainly ain't getting no satisfaction at the moment.

OP, out of interest, what were the arguments about?

Keep in mind that it's quite common for men to experience depression after the arrival of a new baby. There is the pressures of work/life balance, supporting your partner emotionally, temporary loss of the second income, changes to your social life, fear of not being the perfect parent etc etc

You've twice now mentioned the money side of things. I know nothing of your financial set up with your partner so please feel free to take this with a grain of salt but I see so many stories on mumsnet of women who take a break from their jobs and in most cases forfeit career advances to stay at home to raise children. Meanwhile their husbands continue with their full time work, help very little around the house and then resent the woman because they have the burden of being the breadwinner. You are a team and you need to support each other. Parenting is a 24/7 job and you both need time off from it. Lower your exceptions while you child is young, learn how to live with one income and be fair and respectful with each others needs.

And finally - It takes a village to raise a child. Don't be embarrassed to talk to family and friends when you feel overwhelmed. After the birth of our first child, my husband was overwhelmed and anxious a lot of the time. He kept it all in, not even talking to me about it as he didn't want to put any extra pressure on me and didn't want to come across as not being able to cope to his family and friends. He wanted to show the world he 'could do it all'. After our 2nd child was born he was a lot more open about how he was feeling and we realised just how great our 'village' was. People naturally want to help you, give advice, make you laugh, offer babysitting, bring round a meal etc. You just have to let them in.

First Post here from New Dad. Really overwhelmed at present. Beautiful little girl born on 14 Nov. Now 6 wks old. Truely gorgeous and a blessing. But she will not sleep for my wife or I. We've tried everything and just recently been told she has silent reflux which in part explains the inability to sleep.

My wife is exclusively BF her but due to Cluster feeding, growth spurts, general fussiness of a NB and now the silent reflux l, feel we're in a perfect storm with no way out.

GP has been supportive and I know other people haven't had support from doctors etc . Now on omeprazole already but it's taking its time to work.

I'm genuinely worried about my wife. Literally has had no sleep due to feeding and our daughter screaming all night. I've taken her out in my car for a drive just to give her peace.

The only way she can sleep is being held upright. It's the only way she can get respite from the pain. We take turns a few hours about sitting upright in a single chair holding her, hoping she will sleep.

We keep being told, keep her on her back but as soon as she touches the moses basket or crib she screams out in sheer pain. My wife cannot stand it and often breaks down.

She spews up so much milk and then almost drowns in it. It's frightening. The spewing and issues with reflux are far was at night than the day. No idea why.

People keep saying oh this will pass, she'll grow out of it,theres light at the end of the tunnel. I don't see any light.

Has anyone been through the same recently?