Hi all
Im a newbie to this site, so please be gentle if I make any obvious mistakes.
I’m a British Asian male 39years old, married to a British White Woman also 39 years old, we met at university and have been married for almost 17 years now.
We have two beautiful children, Boy 11 and Girl 5
We have been having problems in our marriage recently, which seem to be based around the expectations that we have for each other and the way we see other, and this all seems to have crystallised around the hosting of Christmas this year, I just need a sounding board, because I am being made to feel like what I am asking for is unreasonable, yet I am struggling to see it that way, and I don’t know if I am right or wring
Being Asian Muslim, I never celebrated Christmas when I was growing, but being part of a mixed race relationship, this is a celebration that I have taken on and enjoy immensely now.
It is especially important to me because of my kids, as I think its very important that they appreciate both sides of their cultural heritage.
Due to the fact that we have a large house, we have hosted Christmas for the last 3 years (MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, SIL’s mother, plus two dogs) which has involved everyone staying for around 3-4 days,
My wife does all the cooking, and I spend most of my time tidying up, hosting making drinks etc.
This is all obviously a lot of work and can be quite stressful, but also very enjoyable and the kids love it, and hopefully they are making memories that they will cherish for the rest of their lives.
This year as part of my job (NHS) I am going to be on-call for most of the Christmas period (around 96 hours straight), this tends to be a very busy on call, and very stressful.
I feel like I am going to need my own space during this period, I’m probably going to feel a bit down because I’m going to be missing out, and I’m going to need some peace and quiet during the down times to get some sleep and rest.
So I requested from my wife that we don’t host Christmas this year, and maybe ask the MIL/FIL.
My wife just freaked out on me, saying I don’t care about her feelings about her parents feelings. That I’m being selfish and not giving her a choice and controlling her.
I have spent the last 2 weeks formulating a way to discuss this with my wife, and tried to be clear and explain my thinking and feelings, yet it seems to have made no difference.
I’m a bit perplexed as to what I should do, or if what I am asking for is even reasonable, I guess the most hurtful thing about the conversation was that at no point was it acknowledged that this it is going to be a busy, stressful and sad time for me, and I am going to be missing out on a lot which is going to be very upsetting.
Maybe I’m just being daft??