How do you manage screen time?

[Magnificentbeast]

DC 10 has just got their own tablet and I would like to agree some rules around the use of it.

I'm interested to know how other people manage their kids' using devices and screen time generally. How do you encourage them to do other stuff besides jumping from one screen to another? Top 3 rules please.

I give my three a limit - eg you can play/watch on it for an hour and then it’s dinner time and screen goes away. Any more than that and I find they are grumpy and horrible afterwards.

I am also planning on implementing a WiFi turns off at 7pm rule across the house as they get older. It is very difficult to control screen time esp as I use my phone all the time. I think the rule will work only if I also stick to it.

Mine are only allowed on their tablets for a specific time of day (we usually stick to just before dinner, but more flexible on weekends). That way they dont usually ask to use them at other times, and no arguing about putting them away because they're usually hungry

And qustodio www.qustodio.com/en/

You can limit everything with this app, length of time, time of day, which app they use, etc. You can control it from your phone as well

I've always swore by no rules or limits since my DD got hers aged 6. That was a couple of years ago now and she barely uses it at all. She will use the kindle app in bed to read and maybe have a half hour after dinner watching youtube videos some nights but she forgets to charge it and is more interested in going out with her pals.

I genuinely believe the more you make something a forbidden fruit for a child the more they want it. Anecdotal obviously but my BFs son (who is the same age) has always had really strict rules with his iPad and he's completely obsessed with it, to the point he can be quite sneaky and manipulative. I'd let him get on with it for a couple of weeks and then slowly try distraction techniques, for example after an hour i'd tell him to get his shoes on cause we were going to the park etc.

At the weekends, my DC (12, 9 and 6) have a two hour limit on their tablets, then TV/PC/console time depends on what else we are doing.

During the week, TV is only on after dinner and homework in the evening and they don't use their tablets.

I'm less strict with DD1 as she uses her phone for organising herself for Cadets and chatting to friends.

I don't have any specific rules or limits.

However, my three DC (age 8 to 12) share an iPad (the eldest also has his own phone) so that limits the time as they have to take turns.

Also, my DC are all very active and do lots of activities outside school. So again that limits the time in a 'natural' way (ie they're too busy doing other things).

stegosauruslady - why do you limit their tablet time but then let them go on their other gadgets?

Not having a go, I'm just trying to understand.

I genuinely believe the more you make something a forbidden fruit for a child the more they want it

Depends on the child and the device!

My rules are for the Xbox but it applies the same. No gaming in the morning (school holidays different but when we have to get out at a certain time any gaming causes an argument)

Gaming is allowed until dinner time. We get back at 5.30 so that's about an hour.

Then he can watch YouTube on his tablet during his bath but from 8pm all screens are off for lights out at 9.

Weekends are also different as he can game for longer in the afternoons but often has a friend over so they aren't on it constantly

I never had limits with my now 18 year old. all was fine, barely on it and rather be doing sports and whatnot till she was 13/14 And had meltdowns when I tried to take it off her at night.

I would strongly urge setting guidelines before it becomes an issue.

I have similar rules as stegosauruslady
No gadgets during the week. They can use their laptops for homework though. Tv after dinner.
2 hr limit on gadgets on the weekends but they can watch tv.

Whenever I see the no limits response on threads like these I think of all the dc I know who have no limits and consequently spend all their free time gaming, to the point some of them won't go out. And they're only 12!

It depends on the child. Ds1 needs limits, ds2 would self regulate.

Depends on the child and the device!

This. My three were given devices, they can't behave with them because all they wanted to do was play games on them and not do hmework etc, eat dinner, and started sneaking downstairs at 5am to try and play on them. So, they got taken away for the time being. Without the devices, they play lego, or play in the garden, or make up games with each other.

We don't really have rules or limits, it doesn't cause a problem. We're out a lot and at school/clubs/activities obviously. If you're in the house and you've done you're homework or whatever you need to do then you're fine. Often if I feel like it's getting too long then we might pop out to the shops or go out on our bikes for a bit to break the cycle.

Some days it's too long, some days they're not on it at all, seems to be working ok.

My DC have 2 hours total a day.

I don't limit it with my 11 year old and find he goes between his iPad and Xbox and playing with his action figures and going outside. I do have all tech away by 8pm though

Suppose it depends on the child

I didn't have a limit with DS and he's a fucking nightmare for his iPad. It has dominated our lives for the past 18 months and now I've snapped and enforced limits.

He's a genuine addict.

We now do 1 hour a day in the evening, after he's in pjs and teeth brushed. Set an alarm so he can't go over. Unlimited on weekends, but he does lots of activities so is out most of the days.

It's gone down horrendously. HE IS ONLY 8. I wish we had limits from day one. Stupid fucking gentle child led parenting.

Nelliebee if he’s a genuine addict at 8, it might be better just to go cold turkey and get him off it totally.
It will be a total nightmare for the first few days but he’ll be back to normal soon enough.
I’ve had to get strict with mine as they would be addicts too.

We have screen time which is 5-6 during the week, a little longer at weekends eg 4.30 until dinner time. Sometimes we’ll watch tv together as well eg bake off/strictly, if there is something we are all interested in.

The timings mean I can cook dinner in peace, and as start time is fixed the kids don’t expect to be on screens before that time, so do other things.

I have one child who tries to edge in extra time, so I make sure his device is not in his room when he’s not meant to have it. He knows the rules so is always ok with handing it over.

My ds was a genuine addict at fucking 5!!
It happened SO quickly - one Xmas holiday where we let boundaries slip and he was hooked. Horrific.
I limited it to 30 mins on a Friday and Saturday night and then phased it out. He hasn't been on it at all in 3 months now and I don't plan on reintroducing it at all. Not sure how that will work long term though!

I’ve never had limits - my ds(21) holds down a very good job . My ds(10) loves Xbox would always rather play out though . I know every family is different but I feel forbidding something makes it more appealing

We have a rule that all their chores need to be done for the day before they can go on them. All devices have to be off by 7:30 so if chores aren’t done then no device time. At weekends, they’re allowed to go on them first thing in the morning as well.

I know every family is different but I feel forbidding something makes it more appealing

I found forbidding it (and educating my kids on why I’m limiting it) made my kids seek out other forms of entertainment and they did things that they would never have done if they had the option of a gadget.

Qustodio app here too on DS's phone. Certain categories like social media etc is blocked completely. Time limits set on only certain times of the day. If I didn't limit DS, despite the fact he is active, he would sit on a screen all day. There have been times when I haven't limited it and he won't put it down so limits have to be strict. I was also finding he would sneak it to his room and be on it late at night then get up early and be back on it (Qustodio lets you see what time they are on it).

His tablet is a Fire and his profile lets me limit how long that's on for too. Xbox broke so no consol at the moment and I'm not in a hurry to replace it but he is desperate so I probably will at Christmas.

Thanks for your responses everyone. It's so helpful to see how other families manage it.

DH & I sat down with DD to discuss screen time rules. She had written down a couple of sensible ones herself and we added to them letting her know our reasons.

The tablet itself has the feature which makes it possible to set a daily time limit. DD came up with 1.5 hours herself where I had thought maybe 2 hours but in the end kept that to myself! It at least gives us some wiggle room for later on depending on how we get on.

The time doesn't include homework using the school Apps and if she has friends over she may get more time as she has to 'share' her time. The time limit does include time spent on other games consoles/devices.

Things such as getting ready for school, eating, bedtime, homework, chores have priority over tablet/screen time.

Screen time ends one hour before bedtime.

Tablet is not allowed upstairs. Although that could be contentious as much younger DC has been allowed to watch nursery rhymes on my phone/iPad because they wake up ridiculously early (only after 6am) This allows me and DH to get more sleep/shower in peace.

Tablet must be put away safely when not using (one of DD's rules). It's her responsibility.

I do think that DD needs to have restrictions on the time she is allowed to play. She would struggle to put it down otherwise and she can get quite stroppy after spending time on consoles/tablets. However, I don't want screen time to be used as a behaviour management tool. I think that if we have set rules she knows where she stands.

I created a little app to help with this, now I'm furloughed I see how bad it can be :

screentimeconverter.com/

We don’t have any set rules other than it goes off at 8pm. DC is 9. She can take it or leave it really. Her cousin has v strict rules and becomes obsessed - I wanted to try and avoid that.