Did you work when your partner had cancer treatment?

[Amaaboutthis]

My husband starts chemo next week which will be carboplatin and docetaxol. He has had cancer for nearly a year but started on alternative treatment. Although the cancer is advanced and not curable he’s currently strong and well in himself so he goes into this in a good position. He’s in his 40’s

My question from those who have been through this, what help is he likely to need from me?

I’m going with him to his treatment on the first day and will go to all chemo appointments and I will drive him home. Our consultant assures is that he’ll have the full range of anti sickness meds etc and has told us what to look out for and when he might need to contact them e.g if he gets a temperature or any dodgy side effects.

I am planning on carrying on working on his non chemo days. I’m only in the office 3 days a week and I work one day from home. Does that sound feasible? I don’t expect anything from him at all, I have an after school nanny who does our cooking, I do all the washing, school runs we have a cleaner. He just needs to rest.

He says he wants me to go to work. I will make sure the fridge is stocked with what he needs and my nanny will be there from 3.30 so he won’t be alone too long (obvs she’s not there to look after him but it’s another adult in the house)

Does this sound realistic? Obviously if he’s very ill I’ll be with him but if it goes to plan would this work?

Different situation as our good friend has prostrate cancer so good recovery rate. His wife was a sahm and tbh he would have preferred being home alone more than he was. Some people don’t like being “cared for” and would prefer to just be alone.

Tiggy78, I think when your partner is terminally ill it’s a whole different ball game and you’re entitled to take as much time together as you can muster.

Thanks again everyone. I can’t imagine he will want me around so off to Work I shall I go

My DH worked through my chemo. He was there for the big appointments, last treatments etc, but honestly we felt that it was more important to bank the time until we really needed it - emergency childcare etc. I drove myself to and from chemo and radiotherapy.
Between treatments the sofa and Netflix was enough, I was rubbish company anyway so would have been a waste of time him being off.
Good luck x

Thanks so much. That is my plan. As he’s treatable but not curable there’s likely to be a time when he does need me more. I would prefer to be able to take that time rather than now when hopefully he’ll be ok

@Amaaboutthis thank you for kindness. Have been in hospital with pneumonia for the last six days was awful. Dp stayed off and I have to be honest I was so grateful he did. Have literally no energy and am constantly asleep.
Hope everything is good with you both x

Feasible. A friend of mine with stage 4 cancer is currently working three days a week while having chemo to try to halt it's progress. We're flexible so she can work from home if feeling unwell and she attends all her appointments that are on her working days.

So if it's your partner, it should be fine but with a sympathetic employer that understands if you do need a few days off every now and again if needed.

I carried on working until the end, although I was lucky that the job I had enabled me to work at home a lot of the time.

I worked throughout my DH's stem cell transplant and beyond, but only very part time and from home. I couldn't have looked after him and worked outside the home - after a month in hospital he had to go back to clinic three times a week for a couple of months, then twice a week reducing after many months. There were also lots of other tests, scans, further treatments, other consultants to see to deal with all the fall out. The hospital is an 84 mile return trip with no public transport (or hospital transport) even if he had been well enough to use it.

Nine months after his transplant I was made redundant. I was sort of relieved - I was exhausted too!

I think it depends so much on what the treatment is, how long he will have it (and be affected by it), how far away you work (for emergencies - we've had a couple of those) and how helpful and flexible your work is.

I hope it goes well for you both.

I have chemo earlier this year and had the exact same drugs your DH will be on. There were bad days and good days but DH has managed to work throughout my treatment. How frequent is DH's treatment? Mine was 3 weekly and I found first few days after chemo I needed some help at home (my parents were there for most treatments) but then for the remaining two weeks I felt much better.

for you and for your DH.

Have you / DH looked at Rachael Bland's podcasts on the BBC? It's called "You, me and the Big C". It's a really frank discussion about cancer. One of the podcasts is about Chemo so might be worth a look.

I'm currently having chemo for cancer. Just had second lot today. We need my DH to work. Though the first appointments when I was at home running the usual steady ship he found it hard as he was pulled in too many directions. We've now popped things in place to make life easier for all of us. I meal plan for the week and do an online food shop. I arrange as much childcare as possible and drive myself to All appointments apart from chemo as I'm not sure how I'll feel. Fingers crossed if I feel like my initial chemo in knackered but ok. So I either want to potter around the house or just nap whilst listening to Netflix.
I suppose the answer if, have his first session, see how he feels and have the discussion about what works for both of you. Good luck to him.

I carried on working throughout since DH's diagnosis. His is also incurable and he was given a medium term prognosis of 18 months in January. He has had to stop working so I took a promotion to cover the shortfall in income. My employers have been excellent and given me paid special leave for all his chemo treatments, and the frequent hospital admissions he had had. The stress of it is starting to tell on me now and I'm irritable at home, which isn't how I want to be, but I can't sleep and the job is really full on. If we had another way of coping financially I would have stayed in my old job which was much easier, but a lot less pay.

I worked FT through my DH's six months of chemotherapy. I did negotiate some flexibility and with work (who were great) so I could attend hospital with him on the treatment days and drive him home. I'm was also able to manage my own time/WFH where appropriate. A good employer makes a huge difference at times like this - so I'm glad you seem to have one as well OP.

Forgot to mention, when he first came home from hospital I worked from home every day possible to care for him, and when I had to go into the office, DS stayed home to be there for him. As he has got used to life with one lung and recovered from surgery and chemo, I have increased my days in the office. I found I was going a bit stir crazy being at home with him all day every day.