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Original poster

Enemies at the school gate

48 replies

Madonnasmole · 06/09/2018 21:00

Fancy a thread on the crappy politics of the school gate?

Last year I got consumed by it all and swore a solemn oath that I I’d never waste a year of my life to this fuckery again

These are not my people.

I’m 40 ffs I have my real mates that I’ve known forever

I stood on my todd today looking like a leper not catching anyone’s ones eye - then completely over analysed it in the way home!

Ffs! It’s not just my school is ?

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 07/09/2018 09:01

I have a few people I make polite conversation with if I have to.
Thought I'd made a friend when ds was on reception year. Then she got very pally with the mum of the kid who was physically bullying ds that year which hurt, especially as bully mum had tried to blame me for "scaring" her son, when all I'd done was step in to stop him kicking the crap out of my son.
It's really not worth it. Ds1 is now juniors so I don't have to wait by the classroom door and ds2 will be starting reception next week so there'll be a whole load of new parents.
I will be polite, but I'm not getting drawn in.

lynmilne65 · 07/09/2018 09:31

'Jezza' 🙄

mummmy2017 · 07/09/2018 09:39

Smile, it kills them...
Just make sure your phone is charged and watch a comedy.
Nothing upsets the Mummy's more than you being happy...
You should see next door, she caused the trouble and 8 years later still hates me...
I know her dirty secrets and it always makes me laugh when her eyes meet mine and I can't help the laughter I feel..
Just found out she is having an affair...
She is ruled by money... Poor thing...

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Haworthia · 07/09/2018 09:46

No, it’s not just your school, OP!

Started Reception and everyone was lovely and would chat to anyone outside the classroom. But as the summer term started, I noticed a clique had developed and they only chatted to each other. Fine, whatever. But it did gall me a bit one day when I arrived, a mum turned to see who it was, and actually grimaced when she saw it was me and not one of her mates. She tried to smile, but failed to disguise her contempt

It got worse in year 1. I’d stand there feeling like a social pariah, and then look on FB to see the clique meeting up outside of school. They even have their own clique hashtags #schoolies #mummyfriends #ourgang

I don’t begrudge people finding friends in the playground btw. But I do begrudge the Mean Girls/popularity contest of it all. That, and actively ignoring anyone not considered A List enough to be in their tribe.

Haworthia · 07/09/2018 09:52

Meant to say, the classes have been mixed up now and I’m fucking delighted to get away from the twee Queen Bees. But DC2 will be in Reception next year and I’ll have to suffer this bullshit again

Original poster

Madonnasmole · 07/09/2018 11:37

It was horrible, I’ve always been a make polite chat for a few minutes then pick up child and go type. It got to the point that if you spoke to person A person B would blank you for talking to them, even though all you were talking about was that week’s spellings

This was my entire year last year. It was ridiculous and gave me so much anxiety. Funny thing is now, every one is stood together doing the ‘hi’ fake smiles and laughs because it’s the beginning of the school year while I’m stood on my own looking like moody loner! It absolutely drains the life force out of me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Madonnasmole · 07/09/2018 11:43

How yes I’m very good at catching micro expressions and often caught our ‘Queen bee’ looking at me in distaste or look at me then pretend she hadn’t.

I even caught one of them peeking at me from behind a poster on a glass door - I did laugh at that

OP posts:

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 07/09/2018 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WipsGlitter · 07/09/2018 11:49

I also find these threads weird! But I work full time so don't do pick ups!

Jantutor · 07/09/2018 12:00

I think it's interesting how people behave in different settings. I'm a smiley, Northerner living in London (all my adult life), so, I say 'good morning ... 'good afternoon' and smile. Many times, people who have seemingly blanked me at school, have engaged in long warm conversations when met in other settings. It may just be a case that many, like those on here, are trying to navigate the politics of the school gate. Of course there will always be people who for their own reasons (spite, inattention, feelings of superiority, whatever) will choose not to engage but I will continue saying 'good morning' & smiling I won't be changed for the worse!

Cleanerswinagain · 07/09/2018 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

se22mother · 07/09/2018 12:11

Thanks for posting op. I've been just the same

Picklypickles · 07/09/2018 14:16

We live in a small village, only live a couple of minutes walk away from the school. I leave at 2.58pm every day to pick them up! I'm a fairly quiet and shy person, keep myself to myself mostly, but I'm perfectly friendly and always smile and say hi to people I know. It used to upset me how strangely some parents behaved, one day they'd be all super friendly and actually seek me out to chat to and would invite me and kids to park or whatever and then the next day would completely blank me and leave me wondering what on earth I had done wrong! I can't be doing with people like that, or with the parents I have known since my own childhood who were complete cunts to me as a child and are now trying to act like we're old friends cos our kids are at school together now - fuck the fuck off!!

I find it quite amusing to observe the constant changes and dramas in all the little mummy cliques. No interest at all in being involved in all that nonsense thanks!!

BitchQueen90 · 07/09/2018 14:36

I don't have a clue about any of the parents at DS's school apart from a couple of his friends who he's had playdates with.

I never get this "school gates" drama. I don't care one jot about what the parents think of me and I don't give them a second thought!

MiddlingMum · 07/09/2018 14:53

At my DCs school only the mummies who had actually been at the school themselves were allowed to be part of the Queen Bee group. One was related in some way to the secretary which only made it more of a clique.

I chatted to a couple of parents on occasions, but mostly arrived dead on time and left immediately. My friends were elsewhere, not at the school gate. The only thing most of the other parents and I had in common was children at the same school. I found discussions of spellings, ballet, football clubs and the Nativity play deathly boring and really not worth getting into.

Peachypips · 07/09/2018 15:07

I got over the whole perceived clique thing by jumping up to them and shouting 'HELLO!' or 'MORNING!' very loudly.

Peachypips · 07/09/2018 15:09

Also, i think that some playgrounds are clearly much worse than others.

CakeNinja · 07/09/2018 16:30

I time my sons drop offs to the minute the doors open morning and afternoon.
“School mums” are just people who spend longer than others standing on the same square patch of tarmac as everyone else who have more time and/or inclination to stand and chat with others.
I have time but no inclination so don’t allow anymore time than necessary to hang about.

exLtEveDallas · 07/09/2018 16:39

Ha! I spent DD's Y5 in the playground, minding my own business playing Candy Crush and STILL got gossiped about. Was amusing the following year when I started working at the school and the gossips suddenly tried to be my best friend...

The school I'm at now has definite cliques...and there have been a few punch-ups at home time as well . Never thought I'd be first aiding parents tbh.

Coconutcake0 · 07/09/2018 16:39

I never really wanted new friends so didn’t mix at the school gate. Now DC is in yr6 i have no need to go there, i justvsit in the car, or pick him up after work. But i do realise that there are a lot of young mums, as in 17/18 there. I haven’t any thing in common with them nor anyone else there.

Mums at the school where I work fight at the gates😂

Original poster

Madonnasmole · 07/09/2018 16:39

It used to upset me how strangely some parents behaved, one day they'd be all super friendly and actually seek me out to chat to and would invite me and kids to park or whatever and then the next day would completely blank me and leave me wondering what on earth I had done wrong! I can't be doing with people like that

Amen !! 😂😂

OP posts:

Lavenderdays · 07/09/2018 17:04

I am rubbish at general chit chat especially with people I don't know, so I probably come across as stand offish and I also don't enjoy chats amongst large groups of people which doesn't stand me in good stead in the first place. Did consider the impact it might have on my dc in terms of the play date thing; I kind of feel that I need to try harder to be sociable for dc.

Jellyonawonkyplate · 07/09/2018 20:46

There's one mum at DC school who is so strange with me. I'm always polite and pleasant to her but she literally barks at me when she speaks, really abrupt, gives me daggers or blanks me, told me everyone was talking about me behind my back..
I was wracking my brains to think how I could have offended her, when I came to the conclusion that she's simply a twat.

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