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Original poster

Day one and I want to change DS school already - Anyone elses DC made no friends?

14 replies

Belletower · 06/09/2018 16:57

I need you all to talk some sense into me because I know I am probably overreacting. So as not to drip feed, we didn't choose this school for DS. For various reasons he was put there instead of one close to where ExH lives which is more convenient for us both.

DS went into school crying today, which I almost expected as he is starting a new Jr School away from all his Infant school friends. Teacher said he was fine for the rest of the day and got over it quickly.

However, when I asked DS how he got on and if he made any friends. He said he didn't and that there are lots of naughty children in his class and in the school. He said to me he doesn't think he fits in there, because he doesn't want to be naughty and he thinks the other kids will be "naughty to him" i.e bully and be rough with him.

Admittedly the school is in a an area that has a bit of a reputation, but I wouldn't consider it a rough area or school (although I had my reservations about it when the council put us here). But what DS has come home and told me has me worried. He makes friends so easily and with anyone and everyone, so it's unusual that he hasn't here.

I am just so worried he won't settle there and that he is right and the other kids will pick on him and he will have o friends. There is a school right round the corner from the house I now live, as opposed to a 40 minute walk to the one he is in now.

Tell me I am jumping the gun here and that it will get better? Please?

OP posts:

Giantsquid · 06/09/2018 17:00

You’ll have to toughen him up

Troels · 06/09/2018 17:03

Can you apply for the school around the corner in case they had someone move over the summer.
Other than that he just has to resist the temptaion to misbehave along with the other boys. Reassure him he doesn't need to be like them and it won't do him any favours to try.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 06/09/2018 17:03

Your son is picking up on your general dislike of the school.

Wipe your own slate clean. Most kids don’t make best friends on the first day and of course naughty children will be an interesting topic to discuss. Every school has them.

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mostdays · 06/09/2018 17:04

If you think another school would be a better fit, then apply for it.

HannahHut · 06/09/2018 17:06

I took this as "my son didn't get into the school I wanted and is now in a school in a lower class area with a poor reputation"

KitandPup · 06/09/2018 17:14

It's a bit early isn't it? Do you think he's picking up on the fact that you're not keen?

Maybugger · 06/09/2018 17:16

You need to be chivvying him along not backing up his natural nervousness at a new school for heaven's sake. He's hardly going to make friends for life the first day at school!
Why didn't you apply for the closer school in the first place?

continuallychargingmyphone · 06/09/2018 17:16

Put him in the nearest school.

SnuggyBuggy · 06/09/2018 17:20

I would give it a chance. The naughty pupils stand out more than the quiet ones and he might find his tribe.

Blessthekids · 06/09/2018 17:26

@belletower, it breaks your heart when they come home saying that. I would make enquiries about the local school as round the corner V 40 mins walk sounds like a no brainer. See if you can go visit it alone as there is certainly no harm in doing some research. if there is a place then take ds to visit and make a decision together.

It may of course just be a culture shock of going to a completely different school and you may find that after a week, all is well especially as you say he has never had problems making friends before.

Hope it all works out

Sleephead1 · 06/09/2018 17:42

well even if he hadn't said anything of you have now moved and are next to a good school I would try and move as 40 long it walk is a pretty long walk for him and if you have a option round the corner it would be a lot easier do they have space ? have you seen the school ? if so I would seriously think about moving him. I wouldn't have expected him to make friends in one day especially of lots of the others all know each other but I would be very concerned about what he's saying and if the other school has space is see it asap

allyouneedis · 06/09/2018 21:05

Are you 100% sure he has made no friends? My daughter use to say she didn’t play with anyone at break and it made me so sad until about 2 days later when I had to pop in for something to find her running riot with all the other kids. She had forgotten all about these friends 🙄

Original poster

Belletower · 07/09/2018 10:20

Thank you for all your advice. I have taken it on board.

Troels It's funny you should say that, because he mentioned at breakfast club this morning that the teacher had praised him for being really good, and that he was worried that if he became friends with someone and they were naughty, that the teacher would think he was naughty too.

As for picking up on my attitude, I have been as careful as I can not to discuss any concerns I had about the school in front of him.

Maybugger Because I have only just moved to the area. And believe me, I have been nothing but positive when talking to him about his new school.

Having had a discussion with the teacher she says that she will keep an eye on him with regards to friendships. I do agree that at the moment it is a culture shock to him. He has moved from a very small infant school to a large middle school.

Anyway, his attitude to school was much more positive today and he skipped on in without a worry after we had a chat about it. It seems his definition of Naughty isn't the same as mine!

I took this as "my son didn't get into the school I wanted and is now in a school in a lower class area with a poor reputation"

Just because the area has a poor reputation doesn't mean I am in any way judging it as such. I had my reservations before I visited the school and the area myself. I am simply stating the facts and was raised in a "Rough area" and went to a "Rough school" myself. Perhaps read the posts in full before you pass judgement on my attitude towards this.

OP posts:

5000KallaxHoles · 07/09/2018 10:42

Too early to tell how it's going to settle down really. I did move DD1 when she didn't ever really make friends at her first school - but we gave it a good year and it was still obviously not happening so I started trying to find out how the land lay in terms of school places etc around Easter time - I figured by then we'd at least given it our best shot. Moving her was absolutely the right thing to do - she's gone from having no friends to being part of a little group of about 7-8 of them that hang around together and discuss matters of great importance (fucking unicorns mainly) and a couple of closer friends (one of whom she's going to marry and they're going to live together and bake cakes all day apparently).

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